lost my confidence

[yoyogirl]

In forums im having the best chat i have had for years naturally with 8 people online in an online community its natural conversation its as if i am talking with someone face to face.

However i can manage the natural conversations in public spaces such as coffee shop with the girls behind the the till or the girls in the superrmarket who help me out if needed about products and services.
however its just impossible for me to have conversation naturally in social situations even at home with family. it's becoming increasingly difficult even when i have seen my family millions of times.

i don't know what's coming over me at the moment.
i am not shy around people and have things to talk about, i have my blog projects, my music loves, netflix shows, gaming and things i love

i have tried trying to improve my confidence by going to groups, actvities throughout the day however i can't relax and feel chilled.

im on the medication i need for anxiety now and listen to music everyday too help me feel chilled.


i just don/t know what do.

[Pi.R^2]

Is it just your family who you struggle to chat with or is it others as well? Perhaps you just don't have a lot in common with those people and the reason conversation flows much more naturally with the people in the online community is that they have more similar interests and ideas to you?

[one_step_closer]

Have you been avoiding social contact recently/been in few social situations? I can relate to what you have said and I think that it's easy to get out of practice as such when you restrict your face to face social time. Is there a way you can build it up slowly? Maybe meeting with whoever you get on with the most and trust the most for short periods or letting someone know how you're feeling and seeing if anyone can support you with socialising?

[not_so_insig]

In your previous posts you have said that you aren't going to groups. If that's the case your social anxiety isn't going to get any better if you continue to isolate yourself. The best thing is to continue going to groups and interact with people. As much as the Internet is great there's no substitute for real people. Just something so that you meet people.

[midspark]

Hi, you mentioned that even with your family, you are having issue with holding a natural conversation with them. How frequent or often to do have a conversation with your family in a day? Is it only once a day or multiple time a day when you see your family members. I would assume that when you see someone often, you can start having conversations with them every time you get a chance so that way you can become accustom to the social interaction and build up your confidence. Even when it is hard to start a conversation, just open up and start a conversation on any topic whether it is interesting or just the usual question of how their daily life has been. When you are sharing your thoughts to the other person in a face-to-face environment, you build up a connection with this person and the more time you spend connecting with the person, then I think it will help you become more open up and gain the confidence you need to interact in larger group of people. I understand it can be more difficult when meeting someone new and trying to break the ice, but if you can be honest with yourself and share your thoughts without feeling like someone will judge you on what you say, then it will be less worrisome. When you are in group, you don't have to talk to everyone at once, but you can start by finding one or two people in the group and start a conversation with them about the things that you love doing and see where things will go from there.

[yoyogirl]

I ain't going to groups simply because nothing is happening, the conversation is the same as it every week mindless mindnumbing, about weather or what someone had for breakfast. Tbh i can't be assed sit for 1.5 hour to talk about weather or sit and talk about pointless/not going anywhere conversations.
I would rather do an hours worth washing up/ironing, cleaning or do all thee boring jobs on the mac that i have be done.
I even find coding on my mac more interesting.

[yoyogirl]

Years ago my ex friendat the time was great okay the friendship waan't always good, but then there came a time when we in the middle of London liverpool street and she said im just popping to the loo, just be few minutes to powder my nose and go to the bathroom and suddenly it took a few minutes and I was "where is she?" so i called her thinking perhaps she's not well or has headache or got talking on her mobile phone and she didn't answer, so I went in the loo and she had gone so i searched the entire London Liverpool street station and she was nowhere to be seen.
As it was quite some ago i didn't have a smartphone so i couldnt' use whatsapp or messenger. But it turns out her parents had got in contact with her after me phoning them and shehad used me just for the cheap bus train ride being a student and she had nabbed my travel card meaning that i couldn't get back home whilist she went to Camden.

And then it happened a few years later with another friend but this time, i was geninely late because i had been in college all day spent ages doing assignments for a-levels, had three lessons that day and preparing for an exam and plus I had to get back from college on two buses and I had previously spent the other days at both of my jobs and i still had a load of OU stuff to do and a meeting with my manager on the Friday. so i was genuinely and she wouldn't wait 5 minutes because my bus was late. While she had one part time job and didn't go to college and had lots of free time on her hands. She hadn't been to work that work week as she had a holiday for week and some extra annual leave. I even called her to say I am going to be late by five minutes.


And when i suddently found myself really unwell with anxiety and severe dperession i had all the usual bs advice from her think more positively and take a deep breath and she didn't understand what i meant by something that was chronic, plus the usual bs of just do some exercise then you won't feel "tired" and she made me feel like i was just lazy/ a show of/ attention seeking.

But i learned from those situations, i soon realised its not the end of the world and that if i want to make friends i will do so in my own and appreciate the lovely people i know online and who i have known over ten years and to stick with my disability forums, the student room and ryl.

That way you won't get hurt again.