I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry you couldn't save yourself. I wish I'd done more and I wish everything wasn't so screwed up now. I miss you so much Xx
I come to you old friend with a dull clarity of the dead not to beckon you but to feel the fire and intensity that still live in you... and the heavy weight of your burdens which I had once borne. There is truth you know, friend, if that's all you seek, but there's no justice or judgment without which truth is a vast... dead... hollow.
Go back. Do not look into the abyss or let the abyss look into you; awaken the sleep of reason and fight the monsters within and without.
I can get better i can get better i can get better i can get better i can get better i can get better i can get better...yeah i still don't feel that way.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
I wish I could just tell you I'm bisexual. That I wanted to kiss her, it wasn't just her kissing me...But I'm scared you'll try to "fix" me. Or that you won't love me anymore.
You're too good for me. You're way more attractive than me, you're better groomed than me, you're sporty, you're popular, you have good social skills, you're tidy, you're funny, you're cute, girls love you...
I only wear makeup a couple of time a week, some days I don't brush my hair, I only blowdry my hair once a week, I forget to shave my legs sometimes, I'm messy, I'm awkward, I struggle with people, I'm nerdy... and yet I've got this image now... and you've bought into that. I'm not the cute, sexy, funny, if a bit weird girl they talk about at work. I'm just weird.
Why have you even so much as looked in my direction? I thought this was ok, but it isn't. Because I know you are so much better than me. At some point, you'll realise I'm a massive freak.
everything always comes back round to you. always. why? you want nothing to do with me. i hate that it's ended like this. no talking no contact. i really miss you.
look, i lie to you because I am afraid of the truth. I lie to you and I dont want to lie to you but i have to. you cant know the truth. will you leave me will you hate me will you hurt me will you? i want to know...i cant go on like this.
Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future
that year by year recedes before us.
It eluded us then, but that's no matter - tomorrow we
will run faster, stretch out our arms further...
And one fine morning - So we beat on, boats against the current,
borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I feel like I'm out of control in regard to my eating behaviours. It's so fucking horrible. Why does it always seem like if it's not one disastrous coping mechanism messing me up, then it's another one.
I can feel and see myself getting bigger and bigger and I know that other people can see it too and are secretly judging. I need to do something about it, but I just don't have the energy any more. I can't seem to be able to control anything any more.
I've relapsed and I don't really care. I've developed a bad habit of snorting my anxiety meds fuck.
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
I'm so sorry grandma. I knew you were sick, and I didn't do anything because I was scared my mom wouldn't let me see you. Now you're dead and I didn't get to see you anyways. I miss you and I love you and I'm sorry.
Father, I hate you. I don't want to go see you. You're ruining my weekend. Why would you come back now? We were happy without you. You have no right to come back to us now. after all this time, and after what you did. you're a fucked up dickhead, and I fucking hate you. Leave me the fuck alone. I wish I was born a few months earlier so that I would have a choice in this.
The only reason why I'm not cutting myself right now to deal with this, is because I don't wanna cut over a shithead like you.
This weekend is for you. I will try my best to say thank you for all you have done for me. I'm sorry if I don't suceed, but I will do my best. Thankyou for always being there, even when i don't want you and push you away, in the end you are the one who I'm leaning on. I just hope my pillar doesn't crumble....
I'm so tired, yet there is still so much to do. Too much stuff and not enough time/
