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Old 02-07-2015, 10:11 PM   #1
Gambrous
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
step-dad

So I know this is nothing compared to most people on this site, and to be quite honest there's nothing much that can be done about the situation I am in. Really I'm just throwing this out there as I have no where else to turn and I just need to tell someone.

I want to start by saying there's almost an unspoken rule with children to resent and dislike their step parents, so to throw that out of the window as the cause for this issue, I want people to know the whole story as it were. My parents divorced when I was 6, there's was nothing special about this divorce, neither was abusive or anything like that, they just didn't love each other anymore. My understanding as to the reason of their divorce is also important, for the longest time (from age 6 to about 17) I blamed my mum as the sole reason for my parents divorcing, now whilst I still do mostly blame my mum I do agree that my dad has a short temper and can be difficult to live with. After separating, before the divorce had even been finalized my mum got a boyfriend, he was Scottish and came from a rough neighborhood, which is the excuse my mum used to justify his brutish behavior. Most of the time I can tolerate my step dad, it was worse as a child because I didn't understand why he got so angry and what I was doing that was earning me all the verbal abuse and occasional mild physical abuse he would show toward me, after all I had a father and mother that for what ever other faults they had, they definitely loved me. At age 10 or 11 I'd had it with him, I couldn't stand him anymore so one evening after a huge argument between my brother and my step dad he threatens to call the police on him. Instead my brother comes upstairs (he's 2 1/2 years older so he'd be about 12 1/2), he comes into the room we share and tells me to pack up, we're going to dads. To my shame I jumped on this chance and as I gleefully packed some stuff I kept babbling about how I hoped my mother looked back on that one moment and regretted it forever, little did I know she preferred whatever she got from being with this complete and utter brute of a man then her own sons. But whatever, my sister had already moved round our dad's, so this seemed like a logical move. The next 8 years of my life I lived with my dad, he got remarried when I was 15 and I got a step mum that whilst she can be a bit irritating, I love her as a mother and never had any issues that a son would not have with his mother (ie temper tantrums and stuff like that). Mean while my mum seemed to have forgot her three kids abandoned her (or maybe she abandoned us) and was busy marrying the complete loser that she'd attached herself to. I'd see her on school holidays and would usually get on with my step dad, though for all those years I always referred to him as my mother's husband. Anyway my dad eventually got a job in Florida when I was 18, and I forsaw the problems going there would bring so I decided to move back to live with my mum and start new studies (I had just failed my a-levels and decided I didn't want to be stuck with a really bad job). Unfortunately that also meant moving back in with the man I'd run from in my childhood, I told myself that I was now a man and would not be bullied like a little kid. Whilst things have been rocky they've been mostly tolerable except for recently. You see my step dad keeps thinking he can hear buzzing noises (he is under the impression along with everyone else that he's sensitive to low frequency noises) however I know that in the past he was institutionalized for having a schizoid illness, my opinion is he's crazy and it's getting worse. Anyway recently he's been shouting at me again, the verbal abuse train in full swing and today decided to trash my room because I had supposedly left a fan on that he could hear (which wasn't even turn on but what do I expect from a psycho brute?) Anyway I've had enough of this, but I'm in a tricky situation, you see I have no money and no job, so I can't move out which would be the best solution, and whilst I'm under 'his' roof I can't see any way of playing by any rules other than his. My mother is entirely unsympathetic and to be perfectly honest, she'd be no use as an ally anyway. This sounds lame, and makes me feel like dirt, not just because of his constant bullying but also because it's such a pathetic situation of bullying. I know there are people on this website that would kill to have a situation as docile as mine, but it doesn't change how powerless and sad I feel.

Anyway if you did stick around and read the whole story then thanks, it means a lot that people can now at lest know what is going on. But as I said I just needed to get this out there. The ironic thing is the idiot is literally sitting in front of me behind his computer screen and has no idea that I'm typing this, kind of makes me feel slightly happier. I don't know if I want revenge, really I just want to be left alone by him, left to do my own thing, but I know as long as I live here the bullying wont stop.

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Old 07-07-2015, 01:16 PM   #2
Isoverity
 
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Bullies are usually cowards. If steppy bullies you and you angry he will use your hostitly as justification for his actions. Conversely if you stay an easy target that invites more problems as well.

The key is that steppy really doesn't want to see himself as he is. If you can resist hating/resenting him, and take on an "objective observer" non-emotional type of roll, that can really creep him out.

Its kind of like telling a dirty joke that nobody laughs at. If he provokes you and cant get any reaction he feels "watched". Its like he has a hot coal he wants to throw to you and you refuse to catch it.

Its ok to feel nervous or afraid but dont add the anger to it. Just look at him with merry eyes twinkling. He'll try harder to upset you but if you stay firm that will backfore on him even more.

You could also consider mentioning that you're aware he's being provocative/abusive and will resist resenting him. That will really make his head explode - which is ok if you stay firm. You could also try to get some of the abuse recorded as a back-up.



"Not all those who wander are lost" Tolkien

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