Join Date: Sep 2018
Location: Mexico City
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Depression?
Hello, people of RYF! First of all, I want to apologize for my English. I'm writing from Mexico, and this is my second language. So maybe is going to be full of mistakes, but i'll do my best!
I'm not sure where to start, because writing this is very hard for me. But I think I know where started all this feelings... So, here I go.
When I was 11, my parents, like many others, got divorced. This happened around November/October of 2011. I decided to live with my mother, because she was keeping my little sister, and I needed to watch over her.
Any way, all I used to have with me in that moment, were the videogames, books, and my friends. However, in that moment, I apart from the people , and the way I channelized all my feelings, it was with the sport, I used to practice taekwondo.
Maybe it's fool, but I search refuge in that. So I start to spent more hours there, and practice the double of time. (12 hours p/w) All this things lead that my notes in school during the next year, my first year of high school, drop dramatically. (From 10, to 5 or 6. I don't know how it works in other places, but in my country 5 is reprobate)
Also, my grandmother, died just a day before I finished the elementary school. So I feel pretty shitty that summer.
In response to my low notes, my mother decided to take away the only thing that I was good in it: taekwondo.
From here, everything just go down, I'm sure it's easy to imagine. Since then, I never thought that I could be in depression, but the other day I was feeling very bad, and the idea cross my mind... So, here I am.
All this time, I thought that maybe in the adolescence this feelings are pretty normal, but I'm feeling full of doubts, and the world seems to keep running, and I feel overwhelmed. The time just passes everyday and his only function is indicate when I need to sleep (If I can)
I don't know what to think about it, maybe all this idea it's just a selfish way to not feel sorry for me, you know? My parents never let us, they support us, they give us all (Except the family part) but I can't, I simply can't be the son they expect to be, my body can't stand it, I don't even have the motivation to get up and go to school, even if I wish It with all my heart. I'm worried and afraid that this is going too deep and I'm starting to putting off my friends, this loneliness is being more common with the days...
I don't know where to start, dear people, I don't even know what to think about the whole situation. Is depression? Is the hormones? I simply can't be the person that I dream to be one day? Motivation? It's too late for me?
Thanks for reading, people.
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