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19-10-2016, 09:45 PM
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#1
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Paul :)
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Somewhere far away ...
I am currently:
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The "Guilt" of food.
It's been a long time since i've posted...
I started my recovery in December 2011 from nearly dying from anoxeria..
I'm 4 years 4 months free from self harm.. Only relapsed once in 5 years...
But the question i'm struggling with is.. Is why do i feel guilty for eating certain foods.. I want to be as healthy as possible so just carbs, fruit, protein etc.. But today i worked 10.5 done 43 hours in the past four days.. I wanted chocolate so i ate it.. Bam i feel guilty like i shouldn't be eaten it...
I started my recovery journey nearly 5 years ago and i'm still struggling with this rubbish...
I should be able to eat whatever i want... But it STILL feels wrong when i do....
Does it ever end.. Probably not ill just get better at dealing with it... Maybe i'm pushing too hard... But if i don't push no one will...
It's pathetic... I've run further than ever, travelled alone, learnt another language and i'm struggling with chocolate.. Coco milk and sugar...
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Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Charles Bukowski
We all wear masks everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are - Nikita
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21-10-2016, 06:42 PM
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#3
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Paul :)
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Somewhere far away ...
I am currently:
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Thank you your advice really means a lot.
Day off today... Boxset and learning a language.
Managed to eat properly as well..
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Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Charles Bukowski
We all wear masks everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are - Nikita
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24-10-2016, 02:24 PM
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#5
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Paul :)
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Somewhere far away ...
I am currently:
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I finished a 8.5 hour night shift this morning... Been awake for more than 30 hours... Trouble sleeping during the day.. Flashbacks come worse then.
But i went for a nice run which cleared my head.. Resting now.. Week off from work woo
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Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Charles Bukowski
We all wear masks everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are - Nikita
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31-10-2016, 09:12 PM
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#6
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Paul :)
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Somewhere far away ...
I am currently:
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I think it's it high sugar content.. I don't mean in terms of "calories" but it's taste it's very sweet..
When i started to recovery i struggled to eat any "junk/fast food" it just made me ill.. my body just rejected it...
So i guess i worry that eating junk food will set my *anoxeria* off again..
(my anoxeria was a side effect from the abuse i suffered...i stopped eating to cope with the pain)
And i know that part of a balanced diet (i use that term loosely) that's its ok to eat less unhealthy food..
I think when i get stressed/tired that these feelings come more or stronger and when normally i could just ignore it etc it's harder to overcome them...
i'm just ranting now...
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Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Charles Bukowski
We all wear masks everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are - Nikita
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06-11-2016, 08:52 PM
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#7
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Pathologically flamboyant
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Safety Cupboard
I am currently:
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It sounds like you're quite aware of the way your mind works- I don't know if you've ever had any therapy or counseling for working through your past trauma and eating issues, but either way now might be a good time to try that when you're in a place where you understand where the feelings are coming from.
Would introducing chocolate flavoured things (perhaps yoghurt?) to your diet be a way of gradually getting yourself used to eating chocolate?
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No other sadness in the world would do
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07-11-2016, 06:45 PM
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#8
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Paul :)
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Somewhere far away ...
I am currently:
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I've had "therapy" at the eating disorder clinic and counselling twice. For me it didn't work... Felt that they look/talk to you like something they have read about in a book and when it doesn't fit what the book says it's somehow "my fault"
Being a guy with anoxeria *not possible*.. Been told that i'm "not trying hard enough and i should just eat.. move on.."
I think your right.. Gradual reintroduction of food.. It has worked before, guess i just need to be more patient with myself... Frustated easily.. Feel like i should be recovered by now.. How long will it take for me to be "normal"
Chocolate sometimes make me feel rubbish but doesn't mean i can't try to enjoy it or keep trying with... Rome wasn't built in a day
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Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?
Charles Bukowski
We all wear masks everyone everyday. Sometimes we wear them so much we forget who we really are - Nikita
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15-11-2016, 12:04 AM
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#9
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Pathologically flamboyant
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Safety Cupboard
I am currently:
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I'm sorry you found therapy so unhelpful! I can imagine you have very little interest in going back to eating disorder serices, but what about support from a completely different service (perhaps private counselling to work through the abuse)? I imagine working through the abuse would have a knock on effect on your eating issues.
"Rome wasn't built in a day" is a great attitude towards this. Keep taking those little steps :)
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No other sadness in the world would do
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