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Old 18-04-2014, 10:33 PM   #1
psykitty
 
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too many things

I want to post here, but I don't know what to talk about first. There are so many issues, I feel confused because none of you know my history, and it's too long to write. So I've been sitting here for hours not knowing what to write... So I guess telling you this is the first step?

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Old 18-04-2014, 11:23 PM   #2
Fran86
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How about starting with the issue that you are finding the most overwhelming?x



I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

– "Hurt"

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Old 19-04-2014, 04:35 AM   #3
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I guess it's my self-image. I mean I've never been that confident but it got so bad. I feel ugly, fat, stupid, boring, awkward... All the time. At my age I should know better, and my logic tells me I'm non of those things but I hate myself so much.

It's been months, the meds aren't helping on that part. Everytime I see pretty girls, I feel gross. And let's face it, there are many. Every friend, ex, acquaintance my boyfriend has, I compare myself too. I keep thinking I'm not good enough, he's had better and still can so he'll probably snap out of it and leave. I feel so inadequate.

I pushed away in a way or another most the friends I had and I mostly don't want to fix it. I feel like I hate the whole world very often...

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Old 19-04-2014, 08:19 AM   #4
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Something you should probably know about a lot of so-called "pretty girls" is that a lot of them are ugly as hell on the inside and you'd be surprised how quickly that becomes apparent to guys when they meet them. If you have a good, caring soul, it stands out far more, and is far more attractive to a lot of guys then a boob job or face buried under layers of Revlon.

It's hard to give much advice considdering how little we know about your full circumstances, but if you really don't want to "fix things" with your "friends" that could well be an indication that they were a negative presence in your life and that your better of without them.

I went through something similar myself. For years I was under the thumb of people who'd persuaded me to considder them friends. Eventually, they were demanding constant favors from me, though they refused to do any favors for me, and when I resisted their demands they made me feel like I was somehow defective for doing so. Once it was all over I soon realized that they were a negative influence and I was lucky to be rid of them. By kowtowing to their demands, I wasn't doing anything to make this world a better place, and in no way did they raise my quality of life, in fact they substantially lowered it.

Unfortunately, the bad elements of the world are often quite adept at persuading victims that they are their "friends", when in fact nothing could be further from the truth. But don't be discouraged, there are good people out there.

And as for "hating the world", again I can sympathize. It's hard to deny that there's a lot wrong with the world. Some would say that there's a hell of a lot more wrong with it then right. The only thing I can advise is that you dedicate your life (with your boyfriend/partner's help, of course) towards fixing whatever it is you hate most about the world. I'm not saying you can fix all the world's problems by yourself, nobody could. But you can certainly make the maximum impact that you are capable of making and at the end of the day, that's all you can really ask of yourself. And maybe if you do become an advocate, a champion for your ideals, and you see your life having a positive influence on the world around you, you mightn't feel so inadequate anymore.

Hope this helps. :) Welcome to the community!

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Old 19-04-2014, 02:56 PM   #5
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It does help, thank you! Never seen those people that way, but they also hurt and rejected some of my other (still) friends that I had to defend. I'm glad I did because those are the ones that stayed. It is just hard losing a whole group of people.

And I know you're right regarding personnality being more important, but my stupid head just can't listen. My boyfriend's exes or friends are super pretty and super nice, as everyone I meet over where he lives says I am. It's ridiculous, my feelings just wont listen to my 33 yeard old head that knows better and I dont know what to do about it... My boyfriend does help but as he can (see my post in mental health section), and he's said he wants to keep me because I am amazing. But my subconscious will not listen :(

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Old 19-04-2014, 11:27 PM   #6
Fran86
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I understand you completely, it's human nature to compare yourself to others. I always look at the attribute in others that I feel self conscious about (from hair, teeth, eyebrows and thighs!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by psykitty View Post
I guess it's my self-image. I mean I've never been that confident but it got so bad. I feel ugly, fat, stupid, boring, awkward...
"Ugly" is a subjective term. I always feel ugly, but we always see the worst in ourselves, the flaws we see in ourselves are usually invisible to others. I don't know whether you are overweight or have BD or have an ED. Just try and be healthy, that's far more important than being thin or fat. The fact that you can write means you are NOT stupid. As for boring, I highly doubt that – people with MH problems are usually far more interesting than so-called normal people
And as for awkward, join the club, if I had a pound for every time I've said the wrong thing...xxx



I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

– "Hurt"

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Old 20-04-2014, 07:05 AM   #7
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I just feel not good enough and don't know why. Seems I cant fix it. .


Last edited by psykitty : 20-04-2014 at 07:19 AM. Reason: it was stupid.


"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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Old 20-04-2014, 08:00 AM   #8
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You ARE enough. We all make mistakes, NO one is perfect.

What would you ideally want to change about yourself?



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 20-04-2014, 08:47 AM   #9
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Right now, everything. I know how ridiculous I sound. I can't stand my face, though people often say I am pretty. I feel fat, but I am probably just chubby. I annoy myself so much whatever I say . There are so many things I envy people for doing. It's just uggghhh I hate myself so much, I just want to be someone else completely. Start over. Or just disappear. I feel like this can't be fixed because it makes no sense.



"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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Old 20-04-2014, 09:59 AM   #10
Wonderland.
 
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You have the power to change your appearance if you want to.

How about taking small steps to do that.



'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥


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Old 20-04-2014, 05:09 PM   #11
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You're right, I just feel like I have no energy, it all goes into work and my relationship. But I need to force myself to take care of myself. I really hope I will feel better once I move, being back at mom's for a year was hard on my pride



"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

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