2020 got off to such a promising start, I was getting to see my favourite band, I went to see them and I had a blast and I was buzzing for days but this is me we're talking about so the good times cant last
A few days later I realised a close friend was blanking me out and that really hurt and on top of that another friend phoned me out of the blue to tell me she had taken an OD and she was coming through to Glasgow from Edinburgh and she needed me to meet her at the bus station, there was no ****ing way I was going to put myself in that position and I made it clear to her at the time that I wasn't going to meet her, I messaged a few days later to ask how she was doing and explained to her how upset I was about what he had done to me and that I understand that when our mental health isn't good we say and do things we don't means (ive well and truly been there) but doing this to me again was not on (its the second time she's done something like this to me and ive learned since she's done it to others too)
as for the friend blanking me out, her mental health isn't doing too good either and like I say I understand when our mental health isn't great we say and do things we don't mean and i'm hoping this situation with her is temporary but I have reached out to her i'll give it time but its really ****ing bothering me cos she really helped me when I was having that bother back in 2017 and we've helped each other and shared so much in the three years since.
on top of all that my wee granny was rushed into hospital three weeks ago, she had a fall in the middle of the night fractured her hip, broke her pelvis and gave herself a nasty bump on the head, luckily neighbours heard her phoned the ambulance and my mum and she got help really quickly but she's not coming home, i've been to visit and we're all taking turns to go visit and because of the alzheimers its all too confusing for her even though physically she is healing she just cant be in her own house and be safe so she is going to have to go in a home/
all of this combined has given my own mental health a sever kicking, i'm struggling to keep my head above the surface and I cant afford to end up having a breakdown at a time when my family needs me, I bought razorblades a few weeks ago and although I still haven't used them its a comfort knowing they are there even though I am almost three years SH free.
I went to see the doctor today so the dosage on my meds have been upped and i'm being reffered to a local mental health service for extra support