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Old 11-02-2015, 05:38 AM   #1
trainingyourzombie
Our business is life itself
 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: The Canadas
I am currently:
Trying not to relapse

I've been S/H free for about two years now. I've been pretty proud of myself. I thought I was recovering.
Tonight all that's on my mind is cutting out all the pain.
I've been beyond depressed for the last few weeks, and it's taking everything out of me just to go to school and semi-function.
I feel like ripping out of my skin and just starting over.
I know that's obviously not an option.
I just don't know what to do or think. I can't stop thinking about hurting myself, and the worst part is... it's more comforting a thought than resisting.

Not being able to sleep isn't helping. I just hope tonight I can sleep, just a little, and let this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness and self-hatred blow over.
I'm just scared that when I wake up it'll still be there.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense. A lot doesn't make sense to me right now.



I want to believe that the way I am is just the way it goes. For the things that came, not the things I chose
to come.

I want to know if I had any control.
I want to know if it’d comfort me.
And if my heart just stops, pack my memories in it-
I want to know all the love I’ve got.

And if my heart just stops, keep me alive for a minute- I want to know if a curtain drops


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Old 13-02-2015, 02:26 AM   #2
PassedExpectations
a mirror that reflects it
 
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Upstate New York
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Hey, how have the last few days been? Did you make it through that difficult night ok? I can empathize with being free from harm for a long time, but going through a really rough spot and feeling more comforted by the thought of harming than trying to resist. A few times i've felt that, i've given in. More recently I haven't. Either way, it usually passes. I just try to learn something from the experience, use it to help me hone my coping skills (whether in the moment or afterwards) and move on with my life. I know the urge will happen again at some point, and hopefully i'll have built up the skills to handle it, but if i do slip, I know that i can move on.




this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.



PM me anytime, I love getting messages :)
Katie


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