My mam once said to me "you're not to do that again". Ok so I didn't for a while cos I wanted to do as she said, but then when I started again I had to hide it from her or I was afraid she'd give out to me.
Okay so there's a few here ive heard... the you're a smart/intelligent girl, you're to pretty to be doing this ARGH i actually hate both of these.
At the emergency department here they say its just superficial wounds- which make me just think i need to do more/deeper. One i heard recently though it was after and OD.... if you'd taken anymore you'd had a cardiac arrest. I was like so i'd die?.... god that didn't leave me triggered much.
The BRAVEST thing
I ever did was CONTINUING MY LIFE when I wanted to die.
Yeah, 'superficial wounds' is what most SI is technically, but the wording SUCKS. It makes me feel like I was pathetic, didn't go deep enough.
My counselor was a great guy, it was all with great intentions but… "It's not as bad as before." did NOT help.
And Mom…
"I don't know how much you've slashed yourself up."
"How much have you cut up your arms?"
she uses these vivid words that are just triggering in and of themselves.
Silence can be golden but gold can sometimes suffocate
Like that girl in that James Bond film, too late to respirate
Tragedy can be plain to see with lights and sirens
But sometimes it ain't quite so clear, Domestic Silence
~Scroobius Pip
"Are you scratching again?!"
That one from my mother. No, mum, it's not scratching, it's cutting. Stop trying to make it seem more superficial than it already is. I've never yet needed stitches, I don't like being triggered to the point that I might end up needing them some day.
"Cheer up, emo kid!"
Said by my best friend, with good intentions - trying to lighten the mood I guess - but I hate how patronizing it is.
"Horizontal scars look better, yours are weird."
Yet another good friend, said during a moment of inattention - she didn't mean any harm, was just pointing out that my vertical scars are different than most. It made me feel AWFUL though, like somehow my scars weren't "right"...how weird is that? I don't go around showing off my arms or anything - I wear long sleeves even in the summer - but I hate being made to feel that even my scars are something that's "wrong" with me, that I've messed up on.
"You cannot take what you have not given, and you must give yourself." -Shevek, The Dispossessed(Ursula K. LeGuin)
Oh after an od, the same nurse I already mentioned said "that wasn't very mature" like wtf does it have to do with maturity, it's about self hatred. stupid woman.
"Wow...you're really stupid for doing that. And you seem creepy."
...
"If you do then I will"
...I guess I'll never tell you again...
"You're so overdramatic."
._.
And awh, some of the posts on here were so harsh :/ Don't take it to heart, stay strong!
So many people are looking to me to be strong and to fight, but I'm just surviving.
The mirror can lie...doesn't show you what's inside. It's amazing what you can hide, just by putting on a smile.
Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk... I'll always listen.
When I went to A&E for stitches, I got:
'Do you know how I can tell you're not a real self-harmer?'.
'Mmm?'
'Because you cut above your sleeve line'
Okaaaaay. That's a new one on me!
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
@ Mikey: Ok prob a bad thing to ask but i dont get what is meant by 'sleeve line'?
Because I cut my upper arms, not my lower, so they are hidden by wearing t-shirts with a small sleeve which cover them up (rather than having to wear full-length tops which cover both your upper and lower arm).
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
My Mum told me to think about what it was doing to her and how it was making her feel. WTF, what about what I'm doing to myself and how I must feel to do it??
Also once my friend was really annoyed (not at me) and she was ranting down the phone to me and then she was just like "omg all I want to do is tear at my arm or just hurt myself" and she knew I self-harm.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
"Why do you want to give yourself more scars, you have enough as it is [in reference to third degree burns I have from an accident when I was 10 months old]"