i try to get out of the house but im really finding it hard just now, i know i should but i get scared and then i panic and that sets off panic attacks.
my bad thoughts are intensifying and i dont like it, it feels like my head isnt mine anymore and the voices are so loud music wont even drown them out now. im so scared cause they tell me to do bad things
*wraps arms around n snuggles gently*
really need to talk to your doc asap hun. sounds like may be having psychosis. doc should be able to help or refer to you to someone who can. may need put on meds/meds adjusted. i know its scary when head gets like that, and can be real hard to fight, i get scared sometimes. no matter how loud or what the voices are sayin, its not true. you dont have to do bad things. youre not goin crazy <3
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
they getting worse louder and louder so much more intense taking over my head. im so scared i dont like this, to scared to see doctor cause she'll put me back in hospital.
i just want head to stop i want them to go away and leave me alone, but they wont and they keep saying bad bad things, i fighting but they're winning.
im hoping to hear from solicitor today i need to know if i can appeal or not just need to know now.
hun, if it keeps gettin worse, you're better off getting help now and risking being sent to hospital rather than waiting and maybe somethin real bad happening and ending up in hospital involuntarily. if you take the initiative and go to your doctor, that shows her you're tryin to take care of you, which'll help.
have you heard from your solicitor yet?
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
really really struggling at the moment with bad thoughts and these horrible voices they got so bad now telling me to do things.
i seeing my doctor later today but im scared she going to put me in hospital again.
my solicitor told me that we cant appeal against her sentence, im not dealing with it to well just now.
*curls up and cries*
please please tell your doc, well, you mightve seen already now, already evening over there. um if already saw, howd go? can get help for voices to go 'way/get quieter.
*snuggles gently* im sorry about not bein able to appeal it. hang in there jo. youre strong.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
i saw the doctor i told her bout the bad thoughts and the voices wish i didnt, she really concerned bout me and wants me in hospital this afternoon. i dont want to go i dont. voices say hospital bad they say lots of bad things they wont shut up they going crazy even now cant do this stop please.
i want to run away i just want to escape just run and run, i need to get away from them need to make them go away.
im sorry im so sorry i shouldnt be posting i dont deserve your help and support im sorry *cries*
*holds gently* you do deserve support hun. can post as much as you want/need. i know you want the voices to stop. anyone would. hospital isnt fun but it will keep you safe. they can help the voices go away. dunno where you are right now...hope didnt run away, that wont help hun. you're not alone. <3 let the people there help you.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
*cuddles into you*
voices so bad wont stop just wont stop, they wants me dead dead they do they want me to do things to myself bad things. im all messed up and scared.
i did runs away but my carer found me and brought me back home. ive got to go into hospital, if i dont go they said they will have to force me, they cant force me can they? voices telling me bad bad things, maybe it be better if i were to die, it make everything better.
i all messed up i dont no what to do they screaming at me i all confused im sorry *curls up tight*
the voices are wrong hun. things can get better. yes, they can make you go to the hospital if they feel you are in danger of seriously hurting yourself. i know its terrifying, having voice in head tellin you to do bad things. seems like have to listen, but trust me, you don't. once i'm clear-headed i realize that; you will again too, in time. death doesn't make anything better. you're not here to recover that way. let them help you hun. always better to voluntarily accept help. *hugs close*
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
Anna im scared, im scared dont like these voices. voices telling me to,to ....*shakes head* they scaring me they is, can it get better really? it's so hard not to listen to them and sometimes they can be nice, if i do what they say they change then and dont scream at me for a bit. but then they start all over again
they in control, they taken over there never gonna go away they in me, like the devil be in me
im so scared so so scared
*sits and rocks*
yeah, when listen they shut up for awhile but come back eventually. easy to look at like, ok, i'll listen n itll go away for awhile and itll be fine- but listening doesn't help in the end. in the end, just makes it worse because you've hurt yourself, and fed right into the cycle.
it can get better *nods*. might not stop completely, but can become rare and mostly not listen to it. once in a while gets real loud, some of those times i get scared and give in. the anti-psychotic i'm on is what has helped me. that, and a friend telling me over and over and over that the voices are wrong, its illogical, and i should be scared of listening to them, not of ignoring them. you can take control back. isn't going to be easy, probably be a gradual thing, but can do it. take it one day at a time. every moment that you don't listen, you're taking control over it. really need to talk to doc, they can decide whether or not need meds for it.
*places eeyore in your arms n rocks with you* you can do this jo.
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
thats it Anna when i do what they say and hurt self badly and it has to be bad for them, then they calm down for a while. but when they come back they they want more even more worse stuff, i try not listen to them, try saying they wrong and bad but sometimes they win.
they getting worse so much worse screaming at me to do bad bad things, telling me im useless, weak and no good its constant. im so scared, scared of them, scared of me scared of everything.
ive have got to see the doctor again today, but im scared cause of the voices and what there saying to me. but i has to go i has too dont i? *nods* need to get better need voices to go away. this is so hard cause they are screaming at me right now and have been all night.
i just want to be free from them i do cant do this anymore i just cant
*cuddles eeyore and snuggles into you rocking gently*
Jo, can you try distracting in your voices like scream at your voice to go away or get out! just try that? or even better!, Try some soothe music to tune it out in your voices in your head so it should be gone for good hopefully. Can you try all of it? This is only way to make it works on your head with the voices in it.
i've got running commentary sometimes bout how bad i am. when head starts sayin that, need to counter it sayin no, im not bad or whatever it is thats bein said, even if don't quite believe it. the more do it, and the more start to recover overall, the easier it gets. and yeah, distraction, auditory or otherwise, is good when its real bad, can stop you from doin things sometimes- but have to do more than distract. if all you ever do is distract yourself, you're ignoring, not workin at, the problem.
howd it go with the doctor? *wraps arms around* you able to tell them anything about this?
Every day the world is made a chance to change but i feel the same.
And I wonder why would i wait till i die to come alive?"
All alone the way she feels
Left alone to deal with all the pain-drenched sorrow relief
in a real bad place today really struggling to fight this now.
i slipped up lastnight and gave into the voices as i couldnt take no more and hurt myself quite badly, i feel such a failure and weak. and now they are screaming at me again wanting me to hurt self more, i cant cope with this anymore.
i do try all sorts of distraction at times it works for a while but most of the time it doesnt do anything, it feels like they have just taken over my whole head, i dont feel in control anymore.
the doctor has put me on anti- psychotic medication hopefully it will help me, i need it to help i really do.
theyre screaming at me again screaming i cant do it i cant oh please no not again please
*buries head rocks*
Well, Distractions is always works at times but never give up on that one okay? Keep going what you are keeping yourself busy and try focus on the things that you really loves that you are doing. Just think of the future and positive things going in your life.
I know you're scared going to the doctor but the doctor will help you whatever you needs to and hopefully the meds upped it up for you and hoping that it should be done over with it.
