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Old 24-11-2017, 01:15 PM   #41
Aubergine
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Hey Luna.


Flu jabs come in a prefilled syringe that can't easily be tampered with. Trial medication is dealt with especially carefully so it is very, very unlikely that anyone could swap it for anything else. Flu jabs can make people feel a bit rough for a few days after having one because like other vaccines, they provoke an immune response. Has your friend got a contact number for the people running the trial? Perhaps you could suggest he rings them for advice if he is feeling unwell?



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

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Old 24-11-2017, 01:43 PM   #42
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Thank you. That's reassuring and I'll try to be logical about it.
I'm just really anxious. What is the man does something bad and I could have stopped it all this time?

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Old 24-11-2017, 01:50 PM   #43
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it's quite normal to feel rough after a flu jab - just because it stimulates your immune system to respond so that they're protected. It would be literally impossible that it's swapped for poison. perhaps your friend needs to chat to the people running the trial if they aren't feeling well? You don't need to do anything x

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Old 24-11-2017, 07:09 PM   #44
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The voices are bad and telling me to hurt myself and I'm making people ill. I'm having a panic attack and can't calm down

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Old 24-11-2017, 07:23 PM   #45
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I promise you aren’t making people ill lovely.

Can you put some music on and focus on that? I find that helps me with panic. How is your breathing? Can you maybe have a lay down, hug a soft toy or something? I’ve been known to do that too when I have panic attacks.





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Old 24-11-2017, 07:46 PM   #46
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I've managed to stop hyperventilating.
I've lit lots of candles and made a cup of tea. I still feel very panicky and anxious.
I feel agitated because I really need to hurt myself.

My mother in law is dropping off my step-son in a couple of hours.
My wife is at work all evening.

I'm really scared I'm contaminating people.
What if something really bad happens? What if there poison in my friends jab? What if I've given my Dad cancers? What if I've infected my baby?

They said a good person would cut. would bleed out the poison. I'm being selfish and evil..

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Old 24-11-2017, 07:52 PM   #47
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Don’t listen to the voices. You aren’t contaminating anyone. I promise.

Maybe having your step son over will be a good distraction. What time does your wife finish? Is there anyone you can phone in the meantime?

You are doing the right thing with candles and tea. You can get through this.





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Old 24-11-2017, 07:59 PM   #48
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She does finish until 10pm. I wouldn't do anything bad if he's in the house.
I feel so scared.

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Old 24-11-2017, 08:00 PM   #49
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Try to slow your breathing down as much as you can Luna. Sometimes it can help to breathe in for a count of 4 and then out for a count of 4 There is no way you're making people ill and we can help you you work that out logically if it would help? That's something I'm absolutely positive about including the fact that the voices are actually part of your illness.

Reading back through your thread I'm wondering if the voices say things like this if you're worried about someone's health i.e your dad? It sounds like there's quite a lot of uncertainty with his health and the moment and it's understandable that that would feel scary. And yes it's going to bring up a lot of feelings for you lovely, that doesn't mean you're responsible because you're not. All it means is maybe you could do with talking more about about how it's making you feel.So please do carry on talking here whenever you need to. Really proud of you for making this thread <3



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Old 24-11-2017, 08:05 PM   #50
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*Hugs*

Sorry I have no helpful words, but I do care.





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Old 24-11-2017, 08:17 PM   #51
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Okay so three hours Luna, you can do this and we're here. You are a good person who is scared and worried about your dad. Hurting yourself will do nothing apart from hurting you. Your dad's had a health scare which is understandably scary for you and it's making you worried about everyone else in your life. This is anxiety speaking lovely and not truth.

What would be most helpful for you in getting through the next few hours?

Maybe you could do lots of research on amazing Christmas presents you would like!

Also sorry I think my last post missed out some posts that were posting while I was typing because I'm like a snail ;)



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Old 24-11-2017, 08:30 PM   #52
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Thank you both <3

I'm trying to distract myself with other things but it's hard with them screaming at me. I just want everyone to be ok.

This time of year always triggers bad feelings. It feels like darkness surrounds these months and he's lurking within it ready to hurt me or the people I love. I just want to keep everybody safe.

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Old 24-11-2017, 09:23 PM   #53
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Yeah it sounds like a really horrific evening Luna and you're doing fantastically just to be getting through it.

Okay so it sounds like your mind is being dragged back to a time when you were unsafe and you want to keep people safe because of that, but you are safe now. Nobody is hurting you now my lovely and as far as I know nobody else was hurt at the time? If they were it wasn't your fault. So you and the voices are trying to protect us based on a memory and there is no need for that.

I don't know if it ever helps to communicate with the voices? Please ignore this if it doesn't but what if you were to say something like you understand they're just trying to protect other people in the same way that you're trying to but there is no need to because this is just a memory which isn't happening now and no one else was at risk.

So maybe try and focus on where you are right now. It's the year 2017 and you're safe and then gather around you you things that help you feel safe. Grounding might help here. The only grounding exercise I know is 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. As in five things you can see, 4 things you can hear, touch smell and taste etc just in case you were struggling to think of one.



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Old 24-11-2017, 09:57 PM   #54
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Thank you for you thoughtful responses Kiran, I really do appreciate it.

E is here now. He'll be going to bed soon though.

Talking to the voices doesn't really help.
They say he's never going to leave me alone. He'll always be waiting for me. I feel really agitated. Nothing feels safe.

I'll try the grounding technique.
xx

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Old 24-11-2017, 10:23 PM   #55
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E is in bed.

I feel really panicky. In tears. I really, really need to hurt myself.

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Old 24-11-2017, 10:45 PM   #56
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*gentle cuddles*
Well done for coping when E was there Luna.
How did things feel when he was there?

You do not need to hurt yourself as you are not responsible for anybody else's safety.

Things sound more intense now even than than they were earlier on in the night, is that right?

If that's so then maybe you don't need to try to do anything. You don't even need to try and fight, just sit down somewhere and wait with us, because very soon J will be home and you will have got through this hellish 3 hours.
So much love Luna. You can do this.



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Old 25-11-2017, 03:02 AM   #57
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Thank you for your kindness Kiran <3

The voices haven't relented. They keep saying he's poisoned my friend and showing me images of my friend being in agony and dying and it's all my fault. They say I should have cut myself but now he's going to die and it's all my fault. He could be dead by morning. I can't sleep.
Just image after image of agony and death.
I'm scared about what will happen tomorrow.

I had a bad flashback in bed. It hurt so bad.
Lying in the dark was making it worse so I've got up.

I don't know what to do. I'm a selfish, evil fuck up.
I want to email and explain how sorry I am but how awfully pathetic is that?

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Old 25-11-2017, 10:36 AM   #58
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Seriously wish I had words. This deserves more than love and hugs. Thinking of you anyway c



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 25-11-2017, 11:17 AM   #59
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Hey Luna. How are you doing now?



“Our defeats are softened and our victories are sweetened because we did it together.” - Toby Ziegler.

This isn't everything you are.


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Old 25-11-2017, 02:13 PM   #60
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There have been other times where you haven't done what the voices have said and the person you've worries about has been fine <3. This will pass whether you do what the voices say or not <3. Big squeezes.
Can you tell J your worries? Xx

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