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Old 17-11-2017, 07:42 PM   #21
[Luna]
 
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Something is wrong anf thigs aren't making sense.
I feel confused and scared. There was a van with a girl in it. It scared me but I don't know why. A voice told me to remember the licence plate.
Everything is fuzzy and jumbled and I can't think straight. Keep losing time. Keep running out of time. Jumpking back and forth.

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Old 17-11-2017, 08:06 PM   #22
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Is there anyone who can maybe be with you physically to try to help get you more grounded? Or at least to be aware of what is going on for you right now?

Do you have a phone? I know my therapist has suggested that one thing I can do when I get confused about time is to check the time on my phone.



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 18-11-2017, 11:47 AM   #23
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My wife and friend know how I've been.
I lost quite a bit of time yesterday and have been feeling fuzzy and confused.
I keep getting trapped in a room with a bright light and I can't get out. I can't move. I know it's not safe but I'm stuck.

I have things to do today. I need to stay grounded.
I'm scared. I keep seeing and things. I keep getting trapped. I'm worried I'm being watched and I don't know how to stay here.

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Old 18-11-2017, 07:25 PM   #24
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are you safe right now?

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Old 18-11-2017, 11:11 PM   #25
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I'm struggling a lot. Losing a lot of time.
I feel very scared and confused.
Having the lights on is scaring me. It means he can find me.
I can being taken to that room. Trapped in. I don't like it. I really don't like it.
I don't know what to do. I need help.

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Old 19-11-2017, 06:32 PM   #26
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I’m not coping and I don’t know what to do.

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Old 19-11-2017, 06:41 PM   #27
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Can you talk to those around you?



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 19-11-2017, 06:41 PM   #28
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If not maybe Samaritans just to get things off your chest.



'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'

['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']

'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.’ – Oscar Wilde
‘It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back.’ Sydney Carter


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Old 20-11-2017, 06:54 PM   #29
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How are you doing? X

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Old 20-11-2017, 08:09 PM   #30
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I emailed Samaritans yesterday as I was really feeling at my wits end.

I'm feeling a bit better physically since taking an increased dose of iron and monitoring my blood sugars. I've still been in a hell of a lot of pain and haven't completely got my sugars under control yet. I'm still sleeping poorly.

I'm feeling low in mood and have been having a lot of self harm urges. I've been fighting with dissociation. It's a constant struggle to stay grounded.

My Dad has had a CT scan and had his MRI today so hopefully he'll be getting some result soon. He's been poorly and looks rough. I'm worried about him.

Things are still stressful at home.

I'm just trying my hardest to cope but it's really, really hard at the moment.

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Old 20-11-2017, 08:16 PM   #31
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You're being so strong through all of this. There is an awful lot of things going on for you and I hear that you are doing your best to cope. Please keep going, things will pass. I wish I had some advice on how to make things easier but I don't think I do. Keep posting here and emailing the Samaritans etc if it helps a bit to get things off your chest.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 20-11-2017, 08:24 PM   #32
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Thank you so much <3

I feel so guilty. I shouldn't feel like this. I should be happy. I'm carrying my precious baby that I've wanted all my life. I shouldn't be feeling low, I shouldn't be having thoughts about hurting myself, I should be coping and strong and happy. I want to make sure he's safe and healthy but at the same time I feel so very awful.

I feel like such a bad mother and he's not even born yet.

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Old 20-11-2017, 08:27 PM   #33
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That doesn't make you a bad mother at all. Everyone at some points in their life will feel like things are too much for them. You are having to deal with physical and emotional issues and that's bound to take its toll. There are no 'shoulds' in this, you are trying your best and doing a good job of it in my opinion. I think that when someone is expecting a child people can expect them to be full of joy but there are also things that make bearing a child difficult and that's not your fault.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 20-11-2017, 08:55 PM   #34
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Thank you. I just feel guilty and like I'm failing.

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Old 20-11-2017, 10:23 PM   #35
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It's easy to attach guilt to yourself. Would you think someone else who was experiencing the things that you are was failing?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 21-11-2017, 11:57 AM   #36
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I guess not.

My moods are all over the place. I keep swinging from thinking things are beginning to improve to feeling utter despair and feeling like I can't cope.

I'm trying to get things done in an attempt to feel less overwhelmed.
My wife needs help to sort out her meds. She hasn't had her anti-depressants for a little while and she's really struggling.
I'm struggling to remember to take my own meds.

I'm getting frustrated with my blood sugars. I just can't seem to stablise them.

I'm also worried that I'm upsetting or pissing people off. I don't mean to be. I keep having feelings that people don't like me.

Thank you all for your ongoing support xx

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Old 21-11-2017, 08:02 PM   #37
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I hope that you can see that you are as valuable, important and worthy of support as anyone else in your position.

I'm sorry you're struggling with your moods. It must be really difficult for you. I can relate to the whole mood swing thing - sometimes it feels like you can finally see the light, and then the smallest things suddenly make you feel hopeless and like you can't deal with life all over again. It can get really overwhelming. You're going through a major, major life change and understandably you can feel all sorts of emotions, coming in waves. But I hope when you are feeling down you can remember that the storm will pass and you will feel better after a while.

Getting overwhelming things done can be hard, but it's a positive thing to do. Good job for trying to get stuff done!
Can somebody else help your wife with her meds?

The whole issue with blood sugar must be really difficult too. Hope it gets sorted out soon.

As for upsetting or pissing off people - I feel like that too, a lot, and most of the time it just isn't true. When people are really pissed off, they are usually pretty vocal about it. But if you need more reassurance, can you just ask for it?

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Old 23-11-2017, 05:37 PM   #38
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Thank you for your kind response.

Some things seem to be improving. My sleep is improving somewhat. I'm definitely getting a bit more sleep. Seeing the Chiropractor is also making my pain more bearable.

I had to go the hospital today to the diabetes clinic and have been started on Metformin. I'm disappointed to have to be on medication but hopefully it will help control my blood sugars.

I feel really anxious all the time. My mood still isn't great. I'm struggling to enjoy anything. I don't know. Still feel like I'm just existing.

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Old 23-11-2017, 07:11 PM   #39
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I'm glad that some things are getting better, that's a start. I know that when there are other things that aren't going so well it's more of those things that we focus on. The feeling of just existing isn't a nice one, we all need some pleasure in our lives, some focus and meaning and connection. Does nothing even touch the surface and make you sometimes feel more like you truly are living in at least some ways?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 24-11-2017, 12:50 PM   #40
[Luna]
 
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I need some help.

My friend has had a trial flu jab and yesterday the voices were saying that the man had swapped it for poison. My friend was saying he isn't feeling great today and I'm really scared he's going to die. What do I do?

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