Pfft Chels is mine I tells you, ALL MINE *kidnaps her*
But on a serious note, Chels, speak up chuck. No matter how small or silly it may seem to you I promise we all think it is incredibly important and worthy of help and support, because it's enough of a thing to upset you.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
The thing is... I've been struggling for a while but things are just O.o & I didn't want to be annoying.. The ED unit/team got in touch this week - apparently my bloods are messed up so I need to go on supplements or whatever. Thing is, I was already on supplements when they took the bloods, but they're still coming back as bad. sdhjk. & they've called me into the unit for later this week to see the doctor. Which is weird cos usually it takes months for appointments. I also had the results of my heart monitor test - the ED is definitely affecting my heart now, irregular rhythms & stuff. I don't understand why it's affecting me? It's not like I'm emaciated or whatever - that's why I feel like such an attention-seeker, cos I'm still normal weight.
I mean, I really appreciate the help but I'm just panicking a bit over the appt. I know I'm restricting a lot & I do just need to man up & deal with it but I feel like I'm backing myself into a corner & I can't get out.
I can't think of the words to say right now hunni, but I'm sending lots of love and hugs. You don't need to be emaciated for your body to be struggling with your ED. Please take what your team say on board. xx
"Keep your heart open to dreams. For as long as there's a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living."
Chels, you dont need to be under to be ill. Th guidelines are only a set figure, they dont take things such as bone structure into account. If it is effecting your heart, then its serious. The heart is a muscle and if your body is destroying it, then you need to do something now. It wont get better on its own and things can go downhill quickly. Its also often irreversible, so bear in mind, that what you do now, may very well effect you for your whole life.
I am not saying that recovery is easy, its bloody hard work, but it is possible and it is so very worth it. To have energy, to be able to run and laugh, it really is worth it.
Chels, you can get damage from ED's at any weight, even if you were overweight, you could still die from them, the behaviors are so dangerous, and they can & will affect your body dangerously. You're not an attention seeker, far far from it. You need support, we're here to give it to you, so please don't feel bad for needing support, we WANT to support you.
I guess I'm nervous just because... it's all bit overwhelming. Going into the unit, seeing all the other patients, the signs, the posters. It's not part of a hospital, it's on the grounds & it's a seperate little place entirely so it's obvious why you're going in there & just fdhjkd. It sounds dumb but like, going there = admitting I have a problem = a problem that needs to get better = I'm almost scared of getting better?
I want to be happy & enjoy food again & not feel so horrible about myself, it's just the process of getting there that's the thing. I'm having issues with my psych atm, I'm in the process of making an official complaint, but he's putting the blocks on me having individual therapy right now for many reasons. Which is what the ED team said I need.
Wednesdays is usually our "scheduled" takeaway night & I've managed to have most of mine but the urge to be sick is so strong. It's the appt tommorow & I'm scared that everything, even water, is going to put extra weight on me for when I'm weighed. I'm not allowed to see the scales.
Wow, I've rambled on. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be negative...