So things are a bit insane

[Buttons.]

Voice is telling me to do x, y, z because otherwise awful things are going to happen, there seem to be messages everywhere, my body is tired but my mind won't stop whirring, I've started my time of the month for first time in a long long time and part of my brain is going 'well you haven't had the pill for a little while as you haven't managed to get to drs to get blood pressure done so they can carry on prescribing it' but a bigger part of me is saying that considering it's only come on This Evening when the voice is at one of it's most vocal in a while means that actually I do have an evil being inside me as I've been suspecting for weeks and that this is my body's way of trying to expel it and I have to try and help it do so or it will be in me forever. Plus foxes and hares are Everywhere in Everything and I've read Aesops fable about a hundred whichways because I know that's why I've been sent messages via pictures words etc of foxes and hares but I can't understand what I'm supposed to take from that fable and utilise and then I hate myself for being such a thick human. Ugh *headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*-not that I have a desk but you get the point. I feel really really rattled.

[Sketchy]

I’m so sorry Buttons. I wish I had advice, but I wanted to show my support. *Hugs*

Keep talking to your team. I know it’s probably hard because of the snow to see people, but is there anyone you can phone?

[tiptoes]

It sounds like things are a bit tricky right now. Does your team know about this?

It sounds very distressing for you.

What can we do to help this evening? Would it help if helped you challenging some of this?

*cuddles*

[Buttons.]

The psychology nurse person knows about the voice and that it's been on the increase and some of the previous bizarre things it's either made me do or has told me to do (but didn't act on). She's already putting together a report for some psychologist and a psychiatrist to arrange meetings to rejig my diagnosis and try and find some way of helping with it, but the current things the voice is telling me to do, and the signs, obsessive thoughts etc of this evening are new not in nature but in content.

It would help I think if you wouldn't mind trying to help me challenge any of this, especially as I'm torn, part of me saying it's bollocks and part of me going Yes that makes Total Sense-that part not helped by the fact I've started reading as many of Aesops fables as I can get my paws on and they all seem to be designed to tell me special messages underneath the regular moral of the story in each and that's kind of scary and exhilerating at the same time...but more scary.

[tiptoes]

Ok, it is good that it is something that know about and looking into. Do you have somewhere to keep a bit of a note about the things that are going on to pass on next time you see her?

Ok, I can try! In my experience this "torn" stage can be a good place to challenge it because there is enough of doubt to allow challenging but they feel enough that you dismiss trying because "I don't really believe it do I?" 0 that might be just me though!

Lets say they aren't messages, what would these images be instead?

Maybe, for tonight at least it would be a good idea to put the Aesops fables away?

[Buttons.]

I've written brief notes in my diary as reminders to maybe talk through with the psychology nurse next time I see her.

I don't know, if they aren't messages maybe just coincidences? Pretty big conincidences though 0.o

I am trying to stay away from the fables that I've downloaded, watching TV programmes I like and that are engaging, it's working to an extent but then I'm like, read one more, that might be the one that draws all the messages together and will make it all make sense. I'm thinking of taking my PRN now that I'm getting a bit tired hoping that natural tiredness and PRN combined will make me able to go to sleep and hopefully wake up with a fresher head.

[tiptoes]

Could your brain have seen one image and then like magic all of these others pop up.

Lets say they are coincidences what would the picture then mean? Would would they say to a random person of the street? Or what connections could your mind naturally make and how do they relate to the messages you are reading into them?

Use say big coincidence, is that the number?

I'm curious of the connection too had you already been reading the Fables when you started seeing the images?

Notes in your diary sounds good.

Getting some sleep sounds like a good idea.

[Buttons.]

I'm not sure.

No, the fox, hare thing came into my head then I was seeing the animals or reference to those animals or traits attributed to those animals everywhere, so I googled fox and hare, found the Aesop's fable about fox and the hare which I hadn't read before and it seemed to mean something, couldn't get past the obvious meaning to get to the secret meaning so I thought maybe other Aesops fables might hold the answers. Still reading them as carefully as possible, think the answer might be coming together.

Did manage to get some sleep once the PRN kicked in although was up and down a bit.

[one_step_closer]

How are you getting on now? I think it can be easy to get fixated on a certain idea and look for clues etc about what is going on in everything. How would you know if you had come to the right answer? Often when I'm looking for messages in things it gets me really frustrated because I don't understand what I'm supposed to be concluding from things. Has something triggered the voices and your thoughts? Are you feeling anxious at all? Is there something you're trying to avoid thinking about so instead are allowing yourself to get sucked into this 'research'? Sorry about all the questions.

[Buttons.]

I don't know, there's nothing in particular I can think of that I'm trying to avoid. When I get the answer I feel like the voice will tell me and leave me alone a bit. Feel like the whole situation is escalating though, saw messages in a pizza flier pushed through the door and the commands are getting more destructive towards myself, although I'm still holding out and not doing them, focussing on breathing and distraction but it's bloody difficult.

I did get through to recovery team yesterday and although it was someone I didn't know I think I managed to get some of it across and she's made me open to the home treatment team if need be over the weekend, although I'd rather not resort to that especially as I'm not sure whether it's MH or real dangers.

[one_step_closer]

What is the voice to you? What are your beliefs surrounding it? From an objective point of view I'd be likely to think that things are MH related rather than real dangers because leading you down a road to a hidden message is a bit much, why not just give you the actual message? I do understand because I also have times like that where I see messages in everything and I know at that point it can be very, very hard to challenge. I'm proud of you for not acting on the commands, I think it's better for you to take care of yourself and do safe things to allow this to pass, which it will. I'm glad you spoke to someone from the recovery team, maybe the home treatment team would react in a way that you feel like you had got your point across to them too. Even just having someone to listen could be helpful if you think you need it. Will you be able to contact someone if you think it would be helpful at any point?