Fighting For My Freedom
Hello,
It's been six years since I cut myself. I got sober in 2006 and in desperation, I cried out to God and asked Him why did I keep destroying myself. Well, over time, He began to open my eyes to the reality of my pain, little by little. As I now view it, it would have been to overwhelming to open my eyes all at once. I came to realize that so many of my problems had to do with my very real, unhealthy, frustrating relationship with my mother. My mother had polio as a child and had major self-esteem problems. I, on the other hand, was a very intelligent and creative child. She could not cope with me and felt threatened by me and decided to destroy my spirit. She did and said so many hurtful, demeaning and critical things to me, that I became belligerent and began committing all kinds of self-destructive acts. I am so grateful, that I am getting better. I am beginning to allow myself to feel the anger and truthfully hate, towards my mother. I am not going to allow her craziness to continue to destroy my life. I am actually a psych major, which has also helped me to uncover the reasons for my pain. I always felt and still do to a certain degree, responsible for my mother's well being. I see so much of her inadequacy and I am always trying to fix it. I am nearing the finish line. God did not create me to live a sad and miserable life. He brought me here to experience joy, peace and love. The only good that will come out of this, is that I now have the wisdom to help others who struggle like I did. God bless you all. It is about learning to love and trust ourselves, knowing that we are valuable, no matter what others have convinced us of.
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