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Old 21-05-2011, 12:42 PM   #1
TruthResistsSimplicity
 
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Sorry this is my first post but.....

I really wanted some help and I promise I will post in intro threads and get to know people honestly I'm not trying to be rude :) so sorry before I even start.

I did have an account here a few years ago, but I forgot my username and password, in fact I've tried to distance myself from the problems I used to have, naively thinking they were behind me.

My problem; Yesterday I was on my way home... about 10pm ish, and I was at the bus station reading a book, everything was fine but then I started to feel wrong. Like really floaty and dizzy, I've had the feeling a few times over the last few days but it normaly passes in seconds. This time it didn't and I had the strangest feeling that i'm not sure how to describe in the pit of my stomach. Unable to concentrate I put the book down.

What happened next i'm not sure.

Next thing I remember was someone asking me if I was ok
to which I thought 'of course I am'
then he asked again a little more urgently
and honestly though it seems stupid in retrospect I was mildly annoyed 'can't people lie down in a bus station without being asked if there ok'
I was honestly feeling fairly relaxed and comfortable.

then it dawned on me
1 lying on the bus station floor was weird.
2 I don't remember being on the floor, I was on a bench.
3 actually now I though about it my head and hand really hurt.

The guy who asked me if I was ok and his girlfriend helped me up, I felt dizzy still but I reassured them I was fine, that I'd just got really dizzy, I might be coming down with something and that I'd contact NHS direct when I got home.

I don't want to say I just fell down, but collapsed seems to strong a word, but something happened and I was on the floor for maybe a minute or so, I think I cut my head a little and my little finger is very bruised and the rest of my hand has small scuffs from where I must have hit the floor.

I know this is all because I haven't been eating properly it's been getting worse for a while now going over the months from normal to abnormal, in the last 5 days it's got worse, i've even stopped drinking much probably again dangerously small amounts of liquid, and gone from juice to squash because it had less calories.

I know a sensible person would have got home ate, drank and refueled themselves, I however went home lied to my girlfriend that I was fine, then when it was polite left to watch films upstairs...
it's now 14 hours + later and I still haven't eaten...

I know I should but I can't bring myself to it, it's stupid but
I can't control it,i've gone from feeling in control to realizing I'm out of control so fast.
and I can't tell anyone, my closet friends think I'm better and that I'm so strong for staying well, I don't want to disappoint them, particularly when there all struggling with there own stuff, and none of my other friends know i've been ill, and I can't bare telling them..

so I slinked back in here
sorry for dumping my problems on you RYL peoples

but any advice or help would be very appreciated :)


Last edited by TruthResistsSimplicity : 21-05-2011 at 01:30 PM.
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Old 21-05-2011, 01:23 PM   #2
when.will.it.end
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Hey there,

I think food lists are banned, do you mind removing the food details?

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, it sounds like your eating is a big problem. Collapsing was almost defiantly to do with the lack of food & water. Can you go and see a doctor? I assume that you don't have any professional support right now? I think you should get checked out physically because you could be seriously at risk.

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Old 21-05-2011, 01:30 PM   #3
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thanks very much... I will remove it now sorry about that
:) thanks very much for your post..
I really don't want to see a doctor, but I know that irrational, I'm just worried if my work found out I had a mental health problem I wouldn't be able to keep my job :s
but I will do my best to get myself to a doctor, there also a walk in clinic, that allows anonymity so I guess that could be an option.

Thanks very much again.

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Old 21-05-2011, 03:52 PM   #4
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Everything would be confidential if you saw a doc so there is no way your work could find out unless they had your consent.

Is there anything you can do to minimize the damage? Do you have any safe foods? Could you get a meal plan?



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Old 21-05-2011, 04:10 PM   #5
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yeah. normally stuff like apples and fat free yogurt... which I did mange to have a small apple and yogurt about an hour ago, but then felt I needed to go on a run to work them off, I realized given yesterday that might be dangerous so took a short walk instead and did some chores

but i've been getting worse at even eating them...

as for minimizing damage I'm trying to psych myself up to drink more, try and eat at least twice a day and try to build back up to three cause I know thats healthier even if you don't eat much...

I think i need to get out of the habit of trying to stretch out when I eat as much as I can

I'm could try a meal plan but i've never had one before, last time I had a problem I was getting more to eat because I was younger still living with my parents, so my issue was more purging after eating....
I'm not really sure where to start.
I just googled some ideas, but everything looks to include too much food.
I know that all in my head and everything

but any tips or even a useful link would be much appreciated

sorry again

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Old 21-05-2011, 05:36 PM   #6
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Maybe rather than starting off on what feels like "huge" portions, build your way up to it? So add a few more tablespoons or extra pieces of food at each meal or something like that until you've hit the right amount.

I do have a link to a suggested meal plan on the internet by an eating disorders research team in the UK - I'll PM it to you if you like. You may have seen it before, but if it even just gives you an idea of some structure, then it's worth it :)

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Old 21-05-2011, 05:51 PM   #7
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Thanks i'll try that, must admit i tried going shopping for food just, and kinda failed to come out with anything near enough, but i'm trying right; which is a first step?

and yes please if you could PM that to me it would be great :)

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Old 22-05-2011, 04:38 PM   #8
when.will.it.end
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Yep trying is good

If you can I would really advise going to the doctor to try and talk this through, get checked out physically, and maybe get some specialised help. It sounds like you'd benefit from seeing a dietitian as they could help you slowly increase your intake but in a way that wasn't too much too soon or too overwhelming that you couldn't do it.

How are you doing today?



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Old 22-05-2011, 05:18 PM   #9
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OK... I've sent a letter to my doctor to register which is like the first step before I go to see them and actually talk about stuff....

I've increased what I'm eating and drinking a bit, trying to exercise sensibly rather then obsessively (though not sure how great I'm doing at that).

Yesterday I was really worried about myself, and that I might fall or collapse again, Iitkinda spurred me to do something, but today I feel more normal.
which is making me think 'maybe it's not a bad as I thought, I know my limits now I know how far to push myself.' Maybe I don't need the doctor I can do this on my own. but I know thats not the right attitude.

I know if I really think about it though I might feel safer, that it's about recovering not pushing myself as far as I can.
Does anyone else feel like that?

Like when they feel better they can justify what there doing?
why do I want to keep doing something when I know it's bad for me...?
(not the i'm expecting you to read my mind)

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