Triggering (Suicide) - Secret death wishes*story SI/abuse*
She stared at the rope and ran her hand down it, feeling the little bumps on it. She threw it in a bag quickly, as her Mother checked her room. The sharp objects had been taken from her, the scissors, the razorblades, all of it. Gone. Her heart beated faster and faster as she watched her Motherīs blissful eyes come towards the bag.
"What do you have in there?" Her Mother asked her.
" Just new shoes" She lied. Why couldnīt her Mother let her get on with it.
Her Mother grabbed for the bag, and pulled out the rope.
She threw it away and burst into sharp tears.
She grabbed her daughter held her tight,
" Darling I wish you were okay,thatīs all I want".
Marissa pushed her Mother away. īI want to die, thatīs all I want` she thought and played with her long golden hair.
Marissa checked her timetable for the next day as her Mother left the room with the abanded rope.
Chemistry -tomorrow- last lesson. Oh great, more insults by Keith.
She was right, as the next day, they all stared, pointing,laughing, disregardless of how much it made her hurt inside.
"Marissa over here" Someone called, she turned and they started taking pictures.
The teacher, Doctor Smith was oblivious, as he rambled on about pointless science stuff.
Marissa took her pencilcase with her, and ran to the bathroom.
The blades, she dug through her skin, she watched the blood ooze out.
She screamed, and saw the red river pour from her skin.
She cried and held her head tight, she started bashing it against the cubicle walls. She came out of the cubicle, they were all there, Keithīs friends Jessica and Lauren were there. They pushed her hard, in a circle onto the floor.
"CUTTER" They screamed at her.
As she ran out of the bathroom wiping the tears from her eyes, she could feel the stinging of her arms. She watched the road:
" Kill me" She shouted loud,she didnīt care who could hear, she started at the cars, her secretful death wishes, wasnīt being made.
She sulked and went back to Chemistry last lesson, then she could go home. Safe, with her blades, the only ones hidden from Mum.She had thought about it alot all day again. The killing yourself thing seemed to love to play with her mind. She stared at all of those pretty different pills. Oh so many games she could play with them. She had collected for weeks and still didn't have enough to do it. She didn't have the courage to do it. As she arrived home, she could almost smell the blood dripping from her skin, that metalic smell wafted through the air. She wasn't addicted, no she couldn't be. She found her nail scissors and scratched at her arms until she saw the blood moving down, again and again. Maybe she could take them tomorrow. She wrote out her note ready, she thought she could sneak some alcohol as her Dad didn't live with her, ( he was an alcoholic). There, finally a straight forward plan was ready made, it couldn't be that harmful? Death? No, no. Never, It couldn't be as bad as the bullying. Definitely not.
Last edited by CoffeeawakestheArtist : 21-07-2008 at 12:02 AM.
"Mum can I stay with Dad this weekend?"
"No Marissa, I've been told to keep a watchful eye over you"
" But why?, I'm old enough"
" Do you want me to check your room again?"
"But Mum" Marissa whined, playing with the curls of her golden locks.
" I miss Dad" she lied.
It was blatant,
why would she meet her alcoholic Father, why the hell would she meet that man, the one who brusied her fragile body.
The father who had once pushed her down the stairs, which resulted in a hospitlization.
That man, that ogre it seemed.
He looked like one, with his green eyes almost popping out of his face.
She may have to be subjected to this, during this stay but ah well, at least she could steal some beer for her plan.
Her heart beated faster and faster and faster when she thought about his cold ugly words.
" I'm going to bed early" She protested, it was eight o clock.
" Goodnight darling" Her Mother said and wrapped her arms around her broken child.
Marissa pushed her Mother away and ran to her room.
Those craft knife blades ran through skin deep, and the blood once again came out, again, again and again.
She hid them in her school bag, the place where Mum wouldn't dare to look. If her Mother wouldn't let her stay with Dad, she had to come up with a plan B. Maybe she could steal some, dressing up like one of those typical tarts and hanging round a club. Flirt with the bartender maybe to get free beers? Her Mother wouldn't give her money anymore. She was so desperate to fulfill this suicidal urge. She needed it. She was going for it.
Maybe then she could be like all the others in history. This was sick beyond belief and she knew it deep down, however maybe this moment of validness, was worth taking her very own young life.