I know I rarely post to support any more and I am leeching off the forum and I am sorry but I don't know where else to turn. I think I am maybe not very well. Things are happening and it's not good. I am not coping with things I used to enjoy and the idea of going in to work is making me want to cry. It's not safe.
I keep forgetting what is real.
I don't know what to do.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
So sorry you're having a hard time right now. Does anyone know how you're feeling? Is there someone you trust who you could confide in? Please try and reach out like you have done here, I know it's harder to do so in person though.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Reaching out here is a great first step so really well done. Who is in charge of your mh care right now? Sounds like you urgently need to speak to them. Would you want to also talk to work and ask for modified hours or similar as a temporary measure?
Thank you both. It means a lot. I have my blood test at the CMHT tomorrow so I will try to talk to them then.
Work know I struggle and are very kind. I only work 16 hours a week at the moment.
Thank you for reading and replying. It helps to know you are there.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I spoke to the nurse at the clinic. She was very kind and gave me a list of numbers to call. I just need to get through the next few days at work, then it's half term.
Thank you.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I will try to call someone if I need to over the weekend.
The lady I spoke to on Monday said somebody would call me but nobody has yet. I think they are just snowed under.
I feel rubbish =( I don't really know how to elaborate on that.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Has anyone phoned you yet? It can be quite frustrating and disheartening when you're promised support that ends up delayed or you don't get at all. I can relate to feeling rubbish and not having more words to explain it. How have you been today?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
It's half term now, hooray!! Do you have any plans that you might find enjoyable this week?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer
I only work 16 hours a week at the moment.
Not enjoying the 'only' here; 16 hours is a lot of hours when you struggle so much.
I'm glad you've been given some numbers to call and I hope that you'll feel able to do that if necessary.
You said that you don't know how to elaborate on feeling rubbish so I'll try a few questions, but it's OK if you don't know the answers to those and want to just say shhhhh Jenna! Do you think the rubbish feeling is more sadness, fear, anger or something else? Even if it's not a tiny bit possible, what do you think would be the most helpful thing to happen for you right now?
Do you have the kind of relationship with your mum where you'd feel able to open up to her/another family member about how things are at the moment?
I got through the weekend and my mum comes home tomorrow.
Jenna, I have no idea what I want really. I just hate not functioning. I have to go to London this evening for a tutorial and I'd really rather sit at home in my pyjamas and watch Doctor Who =P
The mental health people haven't rung, I don't know what I was expecting really, I should know by now.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
Well done for getting through the weekend. Can you call the mental health people and remind them that they were supposed to phone you? I think most people would rather stay in in their PJs and watch TV! Can you reward yourself with that another day? Hope your tutorial goes ok.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Well done for getting through the weekend and I'm glad your mum is now back. Have you been able to talk to her about how things are going for you?
Did you make it to your tutorial? If not, maybe it would be helpful to try some less intense 'functioning' things to help with not liking to be not functioning, even if to start with it's just getting dressed or something.
I agree with the suggestions to nag the mental health people; sometimes I don't think they mean to be so useless, it just kind of happens by accident and then they need a little nudge!
I think I've screwed up my medication. I feel a bit like I'm watching life from just outside, if that makes sense. I don't know. Floaty. My mum is going away again this weekend and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep 'safe'. Though the concept of 'safety' feels ridiculous right now. I don't know. Nothing makes sense.
Just. I don't know how to stop this becoming a 'crisis'. I know I am incredibly lucky to have the support I do but I just feel so alone.
Don't know what I want. Reassurance?
Sorry about this.
'It's an impossible choice ... I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.'
"You're not scared of climbing mountains. You're scared that you can't make them move."
I can understand the feeling of being alone, but if there are people you can get in touch with to not be so 'actually' alone then I'd suggest you try and contact someone. How has your day been?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.