scared of pain

[kbeth]

I want to see myself bleed, but I'm too scared of pain to self-injure. I used to self-injure, but now I'm too scared. I've seen people with tons of scars from self-injury. Next to them, I feel like a wimp. Plus I feel like if I don't self-injure, that means I'm not really hurting, but I am. I also keep thinking that my therapist won't understand how bad I feel unless she sees I've self-injured, even though she's always really understanding. This all sounds stupid, but I can't get it out of my head. I ran out of my meds a week ago and can't get a refill until my insurance goes through, and my anxiety is out of control. I don't know what to do.

[nats life]

you are not being stupid hun people do it for all reason and if you don't think you can stand the pain then please don't especially as you have stopped and you are being honest and getting the help you need from your therapist and I am here if you want to talk please pm me xx

[Celticroots]

You're not being stupid. Consider yourself lucky that you have not started any type of self-injury. It's hell trying to stop and you'd wish you never started. Not all self-injury leaves scars either.

[little.ophelia]

Having stopped once is a massive achievement, so well done for that, first of all!

It's not stupid to feel like you need to hurt yourself to get people to understand that you're hurting - but it's also not true. Can you think of any ways other than using your body to get what you need? Maybe write down everything you're feeling, including this, when you feel the need to hurt yourself, and show it to your therapist next time you see her? It's really positive that you can identify why you feel that you need to do it, because that can help you to find alternatives.

As far as your anxiety, have you tried any breathing/relaxation exercises? A quick Google search can turn up a lot of those. I'm sorry about your meds situation, and I hope that you can get a refill soon!