Hey, I'm not sure where to start or either what to really say, i suppose the top and bottom of it all is the title say's it all. I'm having a really bad night. everywhere i go and everything i see lately just seems to trigger me into thinking about things i dont really wanna think about. which is just all building up inside me and i think am ready to blow! my thoughts are just starting to consume me and now i find myself sat here wanting to end it all and with the means to do it too. nearly all of me inside wants to just give in and end it, yet theres just this tiny stupid part inside me that wants to hang on and reach out for some help and im so desperatley trying to hold onto that but im holding on by my finger tips like so many of us are i suppose, and trying not to let go but i just dont think i can hold on for much longer. today i did reach out for help and i went to see the g.p to get myself back under the cmht but ive just moved areas so i have to go back in two weeks when my notes should have come in from my old doc and such, i think if i had of told him how bad i was he could have maybe done something more but i just froze up. I suppose the fact that i actually went was a victory in someway but two weeks is a long time when im struggling to even get through tonight, think it's gonna be a long and hard one to get through, probably just like this speach! for someone who didnt know what to say ive certainly said alot. thanks for reading! x
Please don't kill yourself, okay? Keep hanging on, because that stupid little voice that's the only bit that wants you to stay? It's right. You're stronger than you think, and somebody, somewhere, needs you.
Take it day by day. It's awesome you went and told someone something, even if it wasn't a whole lot at least it was something. Two weeks is kind of far away but at the same time it really is just a sliver of a moment and then you can get some more help which makes all the waiting worth it.
Hey thanks for the replys it means alot! as you can tell by me posting this morning i managed to get through the night. In the end i just took enough stuff to knock me out for the night. not the best thing to do i know but hey it kindda worked feeling rough as this morning though n to top it all off i just had a huge argument with the woman on the phone from the esa about why my payment that they told me i would have yesterday apparently now wont be in the bank till monday what a joke but hey nm its just all going wrong for me at the moment wish i was stronger than this and that i could cope but evidently not! Sorry for the rant and thanx for your support though it really does mean alot to me x
it must be incredibly frustrating to be dealing with that with the esa people. i know it is difficult, but ultimately you are more likely to get a good result if you keep your cool with them, and then let the stress off later on (in a healthy way)
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hey... Glad u made it thru the night, people in here care about you and want to offer support if we can. It's great that you went to see your gp, it means tht you are able to do something to make yourself better even when you feel like totally giving in. Sending hugs and hoping you are lookin after yourself xx
Hey thanks for the replies, the rest of my day in honesty has just been one thing after another n i ended up just sat crying earlier which was a bot of a shock as crying is not something i usually do i mean even if i feel like i need to i usually cant, and now everythings just built up so much that im just so restless and irritated and just basically wanting out. suppose im just feeling sorry for myself but i just cant seem to stop myself or see anyway out other than the obvious! have decided on a day now though so just a matter of time just hope one day my family forgives me esph my kid sister as shes my world.
No! Just take it one day at a time, and eventually things will work out. Your sister needs you. Are you just going to give up and leave her? Give it a little longer. I don't know what's going on in your life, but I know that it won't stay that way forever. You just have to give it a little more time.
Please, please, please don't give up. I know you can get through this.
thanx so much for your response silentsymphony, sorry in the delay of the the reply ive just been really trying to keep myself distracted. n God no i dont wanna leave her shes my world and the mos important thing in it i love her so much! she's the one thing thats kept me going for so long. on one hand i dont wanna give up and on the other hand i dont want to or know how to keep going sometimes. it's like trying to hold grains of sand in your hand i can just feel it all slipping through my fingers. im so lost right now im not scared or dying but im petrified of living.
Hey, no problem! You do whatever you have to in order to keep yourself safe. :)
And I know it feels like there's no way to keep everything together sometimes, but just keep thinking of your sister, maybe put her picture up somewhere you can see it every day? Just take it one day at a time and keep holding on! It'll get better. It might not be tomorrow or the day after or even next week, but eventually. I love you. <3 :)