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Old 05-07-2015, 10:13 PM   #1
mauscee
 
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asking for help?

i'll give a bit of backstory on myself for this i guess but, yeah, i don't know. basic gist is that i want some advice on asking someone for help. i'm guessing in a doctor-based sense but i don't know what else there could be.

discussions of depression and self harm are going to follow this so? yeah.


i'm mauscee, mouse if you wanna shorten it but not by much. i'm 22 years old which is a big deal for me. i've been depressed and self harming since i was about? maybe 14? it wasn't as serious when i was 14, but that's the age i started it.
8 years of this has really taken it's toll on me. varying things happened in my life when i became depressed. i have a chronic medical condition that was diagnosed then. my parents split in one of the messiest ways possible which involved jail time. my mum had ptsd, which i, the 14 year old & youngest in the house, became the crutch for.
i looked after all of my mum's problems. i held her when she cried. and i grew up all at once. all at once i realised that Nothing Mattered to me any more. and everything went downhill from there.
so you fastforward eight years to where i am now. consistent self harmer (though i'm sure my family doesn't know about it), two friends in the same country as me (who might know it but have never mentioned to me that they do), and a heavy case of undiagnosed depression and anxiety. i'm the posterchild for depression. i don't leave my room. i eat either nothing or everything. i go through extended periods where i just don't talk. my sleeping is erratic. sometimes i get extremely manic and reckless. i'm incredibly untidy. but yet 'no one seems to know'. i don't know if people are just willing themselves not to realise or don't want to mention it or what but it almost hurts me that no one has tried to help me because i don't feel like my condition is subtle any more.
i've known that i've needed help for a long time now. i lost my last job over a year ago and finding the drive to get a new job just hasn't happened. i've tried vaguely, and i went through a slightly better time when i did try and thought i did well, with them even telling me sincerely i did well, and then they told me they were going with someone else. so i'm in a really rough spot mentally with everything. everyone is moving on with their lives and i'm stuck completely. i want to ask for help but i don't know how. it's not something people in my family do. i know my mum would blame herself for me being so bad so i don't want to tell her because i don't want to upset her. i burst into tears every time i try and mention there being something wrong with me to anyone (i cry while typing about it every time as well) because i have extreme anxiety about discussing problems of mine, not that i know why for that one.
so basically i want to ask for help but i don't know how to get around the anxiety of it. i don't know where to begin. i have a doctor's appointment for previously mentioned chronic illness in a week and a half's time and i don't know if i should bring it up then or another time or what i should do?
i'll be so greatful for any help because i've spent years trying to work something out for myself and i have no ideas. i get to panicked to think about it.

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Old 05-07-2015, 11:57 PM   #2
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Im sorry you are struggling at the moment and for your past- it sounds like you had a lot to contend with.

The first port of call is usually a gp who can advise you further or refer you to the right services, be that a counsellor, the cmht at large, a charity etc. If you are at uni or a large work place they may have a counsellor type person you could see there.

With the dr its usually a case of going in and voicing your concerns about your behaviour and current situation and seeing what they say. It ight be worth trying ot get a double appointment so you can discuss your physical problem and your mh concerns at the same time. Its bound to be scary but as you said yourself you want to ask for help.

Take care x



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Old 07-07-2015, 04:35 PM   #3
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I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling for so long with this. It does sound like you've had an awful lot to cope with for a long time, and it's completely understandable to need some help in dealing with those things.

As chinahorse says, the first step in the UK is generally to go and see your GP. You could bring it up in your appointment for your chronic illness, but you might find that it's best either to book a separate appointment or, as chinahorse suggested, to see if you can make a double appointment where you can talk about your physical health and your MH concerns. The best thing you can do is to go there and be completely honest with them about what's been going on for you, how you've been feeling etc - the self-harm, the eating habits, the social withdrawal and isolation you're feeling.

Sometimes it can help to write a list (or bullet points etc) of the points that you think it would be worth mentioning, so that you don't go blank and forget important things in your appointment.

Good luck with getting help. You've struggled on your own for so long now, it's a really positive step to reach out for the support you need. x










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Old 08-07-2015, 03:22 PM   #4
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thank you to both of you for you help first of all, it means a lot to me.

i'm probably going to bring it up in my medical-type one in terms of asking to get an appointment for mh things another time because i'll be one on one with someone in a room which i think will be easier for me to bring it up anyway, rather than like in a waiting room.
after that i'll have time to prepare things. the bullet points might do well for me because i know i'll choke about it all and i can at least then show them a list of concerns, even without being able to speak as well, and they can prompt me for more info on them.



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Old 08-07-2015, 05:43 PM   #5
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such a brave decision I hope you get an appointment quickly and that help can be sorted out for you



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Old 09-07-2015, 05:47 PM   #6
tiptoes
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Bringing it up in your medical appointment sounds like a good idea, sometimes it is easier to bring up difficult things when the whole focus of the appointment isn't bring it up. Your first post in this thread seems to have summed up how you are doing at the moment. I wonder whether it would help to take that post with you in case you struggling with finding the words.

Best of luck with your appointment.



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