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Old 04-01-2019, 08:28 AM   #1
trixiebug
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
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How to get justice/closure

Firstly, NO, I don't mean vigilante justice or illegal activities. I am a small business owner and could never be associated with anything illegal because I would lose my license.

I'm looking for ways to help my daughters, 16 and 20 years old now, feel like justice has been served to their sexually abusive grandfather. He was found guilty and only served 5 months in prison for the years of abuse he inflicted on my girls. No one would tell me why he was released so early due to privacy laws, so we have no idea.

He's living his life as usual now, free to come and go as he pleases. His only permanent repercussion is that he has to register as a sex offender. But my girls have a life sentence of dealing with the aftermath of the abuse. They've been in therapy, on and off, for several years.

I approached my older daughter about the possibility of a civil suit but she doesn't want that. Her Dad, my ex husband, considers his father's (the offender) property to be his "inheritance", so my daughter doesn't want to take that from him in a civil suit. (Even though they no longer speak, my ex is still the heir to his father's estate). She also says she doesn't think she has the stomach for it. She never wants to lay eyes on that man ever again and she doesn't want anything to do with him, including his money. So that's out of the question.

What's a mother to do?? When your kids were wronged by a man we all trusted and then wronged all over again by the system, what's left? They both feel that justice was not served and that they were let down in the worst way by the people who were supposed to get that justice for them.

So I'm looking for ways to punish him further. Legal ways. Can I send out mailings to his neighbors with his sex offender status? Can I put up a sign on his corner informing the public? Rent a billboard? Burn the house down? No wait, that's illegal... I'm desperate to find some way to give them closure and a sense of peace, and I'm not coming up with anything that's legal.

My older daughter says she won't have closure until he's dead and gone, but who knows how long he'll live. He's in his 60s now, but they say the worst kind of people end up living the longest.

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Old 04-01-2019, 01:45 PM   #2
Soft Kitty
 
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Join Date: Dec 2013

Hi there. As the victim of sexual abuse from my grandfather I understand the damage it causes and can appreciate your position.

I can also really understand your anger, and I think anger is a natural, healthy and necessary response to the situation. However, as a person in a very similar situation to your daughters, I wonder if pursuing further action is helpful at this stage. Although your daughters have stated that they don't feel justice has been served (understandably) it doesn't sound like, from what you've posted, that they want to do anything more involving him at this stage? It may be that they need to concentrate the energy on rebuilding their lives and going through the healing process, which at this current time, may not involve further action with him, as they've already invested so much courage on taking him to court. It doesn't necessarily mean they can't pursue further (legal) action in future, to my knowledge.

I can only add my thoughts as a survivor and don't have experience of being a mother, so in that regard I can only imagine how much you want him to be punished for the harm he's caused your daughters. I think, what you're doing by supporting them, is the best any mother could do.

Your last sentence resonated with me. My grandfather is 90 now, but I do take some comfort from knowing that after he was confronted about his actions, he has lived a sad, lonely and angry life of his own making. I have continued to live with what he's done and it isn't an easy life, but it's a life surrounded by loved ones, as survivors deserve (but don't always get, unfortunately).

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble so I just wanted to wish you and your daughters strength in this journey.


Last edited by Soft Kitty : 04-01-2019 at 01:54 PM.
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Old 04-01-2019, 02:59 PM   #3
trixiebug
 
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Thank you for your thoughts!

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