Giving up

[kimnicole]

So a month ago I was raped. Well I told my parents and they said that's what you for partying. I used to have depression but stopped taking medicine and I learned how to cope. But now its came back and its taken over my entire life. I am starting to self harm again because its the only things that eases the ache on my heart. I am constantly having anxiety attacks which is really hard while lifeguarding. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours a night since it happened. I am constantly having flashbacks and nightmares. I'm struggling to eat just the thought of food makes me nauseated. I'm constantly staying dizzy also well as headaches.

[one_step_closer]

I'm so sorry you have been through such an awful experience and continue to suffer because of it. Your parents response wasn't very empathetic, have you spoken to anyone else? I think you need to reach out to someone you trust if you can. You have a lot going on. Keep posting here if it helps.

[kimnicole]

I have nobody I can trust around me. my mother wants me to move to ohio so I can get help there. but for now I'm stuck and afraid. I don't want to stop fighting but I am tired of struggling constantly

[one_step_closer]

Would you be able to get back in touch with whoever prescribed your medication before? They might be able to suggest something useful, doesn't have to be medication based.

[kimnicole]

If I lived near them yes. I have moved across the state since then

[one_step_closer]

Do you have a regular health care provider at all?

[kimnicole]

no I don't go to the doctor at all

[one_step_closer]

Is it an option for you to get in contact with one?

[kimnicole]

no my dad and step mom don't believe in going to any type of medical professional

[one_step_closer]

You mentioned earlier that your Mum wants you to move to Ohio so you can get help there, is she able to sort anything out for you?

[kimnicole]

the plan is for her to do my bedroom. while i am trying to pay for me a way to get down there

[one_step_closer]

Are you still having a difficult time with your emotions? Is anything helping at all?

[kimnicole]

all i have is my dogs to help that's a safe way. i work so much which helps but I'm off for now

[one_step_closer]

How long are you off for? Can you make plans to do something you might enjoy to keep you occupied?

[kimnicole]

till tomorrow and no because I'm not allowed to go anywhere. normally i would take my dogs and go hiking but its snowing

[one_step_closer]

I hope you can find something to pass the time safely.

[kimnicole]

i going to try and sleep

[one_step_closer]

Hope you slept well. How are things today?

[kimnicole]

Ok. I had to be at work at 4am so for now my mind is busy. But I get off at noon.

[Juella]

Sometimes keeping busy with work can be helpful too. How are you doing today? Do you have things to do?