so yes.. do you agree that a childs discipline should include being smacked.
in what circumstances is it acceptable?
when does it go too far? ie:the difference between discipline and abuse.
were you smacked? how do you feel it affected the way youve grown up?
will you/do you smack your children if theyre naughty?
hmm... i feel like ive just written an essay title.
I don't see anything wrong with it.
I mean, it would be wrong if it was the only form of discipline that was used or if it was used excessively. I also think after maybe the age of five or something, it's not going to be as effective as other punishments (or maybe that was just me..). But really, if you have a two-year-old, sometimes it's the only thing that's going to work. You can't sit there and reason with them, so sometimes it's necessary - especially if the kid is going to do something dangerous, like run in front of a car or something.
Yes, it can be hard to distinguish between reasonable discipline and abuse, but I think in the majority of cases, that wouldn't be an issue. As long as the parent isn't doing it without a valid reason, and isn't *really* hurting the child, it isn't a problem. And you could say the same about any kind of discipline - where do you draw the line between a reasonable punishment and say, emotional abuse? That in itself isn't a good reason for it not to be allowed.
I was smacked when I was younger, and it never did me any harm. All it did was teach me not to do whatever I was doing.
Smacking is a neccessity. When children are younger they dont always see why doing something is bad e.g playing with sharp knifes or cross ing the road without looking. They respond to pain and it teaches them not to do it again. I was smacked as a chil and its not one me any harm, ok so sometimes my dad went too far using a belt or a wooden spoon, but why is it wrong to smack a child in anger? If the child has angered the parent that much then surely they deserve it?
I was never smacked and neither was my brother. We grew up fine and knew right from wrong without being hit.
If we did anything wrong, my mum would tell us calmly. Why shout? Just makes things worse.
I think smacking a child is wrong. Talking to your child is way better than hitting them.
They won't listen? Then sit them down and tell them why what they've done is wrong. Explaning things is a big factor.
Some parents just smack their child and shout "NO!" and there's no explanation.
I don't believe nor approve of it. Nuh uhh.
There are many other ways to teach your child something, to punish them for something they did wrong etc...and before punishment or reprimand you should always consider if what they have done was done on purpose or simply out of ignorance or by accident. No one should be punished for an accident or doing something they did not know was wrong. So to the person that said that if they cross the street without looking or play with knives they should be smacked, I'm sorry to tell you you are mistaken. If you don't want your child to play with knives you teach them why they shouldn't and what could happen to them if they do, and as a responsible parent, you put the knives away and out of their reach. Same thing with crossing the street...you teach them why they shouldn't do it and then you NEVER leave them alone in the street and always watch them when outside.
Punishment, reprimand and discipline are appropriate when a child does something wrong and knows it is wrong...when they disobey you on purpose, like most kids do to test their parents and boundaries. The most effective way to punish a child for being bad is to take some priviledge away...but you MUST tell them why you punished them and what they can do to get that priviledge back. Hitting, smackig and yelling don't teach the child anything and are mostly used in an unfair way. I know mothers who smack their kids because they spilt the milk on the carpet, as thought the kid has done it on purpose or to be bad. If the kid does it on purpose then he must be punished but if it was an accident then they should be taught to prevent it from happening again but not punished, let alone hurt over it.
Smacking humiliates and confuses children. It doesn't teach them a thing and besides, we have other resources to keep our kids from doing certain things we don't want them doing beseides inflicting physical pain as they do on lab rats when they take the wrong route on the maze...and smacking does inflict pain, if only momentary.
Last edited by Ileana : 01-12-2007 at 12:52 AM.
"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.
"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."
^^ i agree with a lot of what you said.
i think children should know not to do something because they know the dangers of the action, not because they are scared of being smacked.
I was smacked when i was small, i dont think it did me any harm, but i dont think i would smack my children.
and if i did.. it would be back of the legs or something.. not face, chest etc.
I genuinely dont think that people that do smack their children should automatically have them taken away/legal action against them etc, but i guess theres a fine line between discipline and abuse, and theres probably a very big grey area.
As a child I was smacked when I did things wrong and learnt from it.
I've been told to smack my nephew when he's been naughty towards me and have only tapped him lightly, which didn't affect him. To which his Mom picked him up and smacked his bum and told him to say sorry to me.
But anyway, I don't think I would smack my children in the future. I would probably learn from that Nanny show and use the "naughty step" method.
But I'm not really against or with smacking children.
No one should be punished for an accident or doing something they did not know was wrong. So to the person that said that if they cross the street without looking or play with knives they should be smacked, I'm sorry to tell you you are mistaken. If you don't want your child to play with knives you teach them why they shouldn't and what could happen to them if they do, and as a responsible parent, you put the knives away and out of their reach. Same thing with crossing the street...you teach them why they shouldn't do it and then you NEVER leave them alone in the street and always watch them when outside.
It isn't that easy, though. What when your child is too young to understand the risks and lacking the ability, not to mention concentration, to listen to you try to reason with them? When they're young, that simply isn't going to work, and it certainly isn't going to be remembered. Unfortunate as it may be, smacking does work, and it is sometimes necessary. And I've yet to meet the perfect parent who can keep such a close eye on their kids 24/7. You do your best to make sure that they're not in any danger, and if they ever are, you do your best to show them not to get into that situation again - which may or may not involve smacking them.
And lol - I'm afraid I still don't think I'm wrong, despite what you've said, so you've no need to be "sorry" for telling me that you disagree with me!
But really, if you have a two-year-old, sometimes it's the only thing that's going to work. You can't sit there and reason with them, so sometimes it's necessary - especially if the kid is going to do something dangerous, like run in front of a car or something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by impossibility
Smacking is a neccessity. When children are younger they dont always see why doing something is bad e.g playing with sharp knifes or cross ing the road without looking. They respond to pain and it teaches them not to do it again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whispers
It isn't that easy, though. What when your child is too young to understand the risks and lacking the ability, not to mention concentration, to listen to you try to reason with them? When they're young, that simply isn't going to work, and it certainly isn't going to be remembered. Unfortunate as it may be, smacking does work, and it is sometimes necessary.
Quote:
Originally Posted by whispers
You do your best to make sure that they're not in any danger, and if they ever are, you do your best to show them not to get into that situation again - which may or may not involve smacking them.
Um, how is smacking "the only thing that's going to work" or "a necessity"?! I was never smacked (well not until I was about 10, & it was only once, & my mum cried & hugged me & said sorry) & I'm thankful to my parents for that. If my child were about to run into the road or was doing something which could hurt them, depending on their age & whatever, I'd probably grab them if necessary, to stop them harming themselves, & then explain to them that what they'd done was wrong/hurtful/could've hurt them, or if you couldn't grab them, shout. As a child, if necessary, my parents would shout at me. Just because a child's too young to reason with, that doesn't give anyone permission to hit them! Children get the same shock factor from shouting as they do from smacking, but without the pain & without their parents giving them the impression that smacking is okay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by impossibility
If the child has angered the parent that much then surely they deserve it?
I'm SORRY?!
A child deserves to be hit?!
I don't even know what to say to that comment to be honest.. I don't think that anyone deserves to be hit.
If you angered me a lot, would you deserve me hitting you?!?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juneau
I was never smacked and neither was my brother. We grew up fine and knew right from wrong without being hit.
Same here. Proves that smacking isn't necessary really.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Vague
There are better ways to discipline.
We'll be good parents *nods*.
*Sigh*
Sorry that was so long, I'm just quite opinionated on this one.
x
I was smacked on the bum as a child.
I think there is a very big difference between a smack on the bum and smack anywhere else.
Think about it, if you're child is about to run out in the road, you stop them, smack their bum, they will associate that with pain, pain is a bad thing in a young childs eyes so won't do it again.
Personally I don't see whats wrong with smacking a child on the bum when they need it.
Smacking anywhere else? Thats a different matter.
sometimes my dad went too far using a belt or a wooden spoon,
I've had a belt round the legs, by my grandfather, I was 12 and called my my a c'unt and whished she'd never been born. I did have scars for awhile before they faded, but you know what, I've never ever said that to my mum again, jesus no, 1, i've grown up and learnt to respect my mother, 2, i don't want that pain again, hell no.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Something Vague
More often than not it will teach them to fear their parents too..and I don't think a child should ever fear their parents.
Whats wrong with fear?
My granddad especially is a very scary man, I respect him and would never ever dream of putting a foot out of line (since the above incident).
My dad is hella scary, I slapped my mum when pissed once, he slapped me back, I literally flew. But i've never done it again, as above, I learnt my lesson.
And my mum, if i started a fight with her she could take me out so easily.
But you know what I still love my parents and I wouldn't swap them for the world, they've taught me well, I learnt respect people older than me, and so much more.
Love to my parents.
Then again, I haven't exactly had the growing up that most have. I've never been abused though.
Think about it, if you're child is about to run out in the road, you stop them, smack their bum, they will associate that with pain, pain is a bad thing in a young childs eyes so won't do it again
So you think it's okay for a child to associate doing something wrong with pain?
Jeeeesus, no wonder there are so many self harmers!
Luce, you'll looking at it from an adults point of view, look at it as a child, who doesn't know anything.
you're told not to run out in the road.
why can't you run out in the road.
because it'll hurt.
but you don't know that because you haven't experianced it.
you get told no repeatedly the same explination again and again.
so what do you do if the child doesn't listen?
I don't think me being smacked as a child had anything to do with my self harm.
I just think that your parents should be people you never have to fear. Especially when they're young - I think it's horrible for a child to fear the two most important people in their life. I was brought up where my mother treated me like I was her best friend rather than a daughter. I guess her rules were too leniant and I got away with too much - but I think that's better than the other way round.
I don't understand why a human should have the power to physically (or mentally) hurt someone - especially someone younger than themselves who is basically powerless. And I haven't learnt to respect people older than me just because they're older than me. Why would you respect someone just because they're older than you?
strange thoughts come into your head and you better think them.
It isn't that easy, though. What when your child is too young to understand the risks and lacking the ability, not to mention concentration, to listen to you try to reason with them? When they're young, that simply isn't going to work, and it certainly isn't going to be remembered. Unfortunate as it may be, smacking does work, and it is sometimes necessary. And I've yet to meet the perfect parent who can keep such a close eye on their kids 24/7. You do your best to make sure that they're not in any danger, and if they ever are, you do your best to show them not to get into that situation again - which may or may not involve smacking them.
And lol - I'm afraid I still don't think I'm wrong, despite what you've said, so you've no need to be "sorry" for telling me that you disagree with me!
Children are a lot smarter than that. You really should give them a bit more credit whispers. When they are toddlers though, you're right, they don't understand but that is where the parents come in. You don't want your child to put the fork through the electrical outlet thingy, that is why there are such things as plastic caps to put on them. You as a parent, do what you can to protect your child and yes, when they are THAT young and small they should be watched and with company 24/7. Parenting is a full time job. You protect them until they are old enough to fend for themselves and listen to you. When they get older they do understand what you tell them and do obey...depending on how you've rised them of course. Pain or punishment should not be associated with a mistake or an error, as I said before, this doesn't teach them anything. It's the parents job to protect them until they are old enough to learn the risks and stay away from them by themselves. We as intelligent beings have many options to discipline children, this one is just the fastest, easiest one...but not the smartest one. It's more often seen on parents who are frustrated with their lives or lack patience and ways of dealing with kids which is why I believe everyone that is going to have kids should educate themselves in how to treat them before having them. You must have a lot of patience when dealing with kids and understand that kids are always curious but ignore many things yet so the mistakes they make are not out of malice. I know all this 'cause I've put it in action before. It is not necessary to smack at all. There are other ways but they require you to stop what you're doing, takes time and some people prefer to just smack and say "now he won't do it again" and keep watching tv or whatever it is they're doing. People should be smarter than that when raising kids.
Also, kids should never fear their parents. They should respect them, yes...but fear and respect are NOT the same thing. That is a fine line a lot of people cross, in trying to make their kids respect them succeed in making their kids afraid of them instead.
Last edited by Ileana : 01-12-2007 at 10:01 PM.
"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.
"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."
Sorry this just jumped out at me, a neccessity?
I think that's ridiclous, of course it isn't, plenty of well-adjusted people cgrow from a smack-less-childhood!
I think it's a lot more powerful for a child to be afraid of upsetting their parents, than be afraid of getting hit. A lot of parents act disapointed or hurt when they're children disobey them and I think that teaches children a lot more, I know my parents did and that used to be really powerful to me.
I think children need to learn to have the ability to know what they think is right, and also to have rules that they know themselves and they believe is right - instead of rules that they adhear to because otherwise their parents will hit them. If children are used to listening to the external concious of their parents and not their own, when they grow up and their parents aren't around how will they know right and wrong? You wont have the scary shadow of 'or mummy will smack you' over your head for the rest of your life.
Also psychological punishments (not playing cruel mindgames hah, but like saying "you shouldn't do that, you disapointed me") require you to show remorse. IE: for them to end you have to say sorry, or something, normally - and normally that's off the childs own back. Which I also think teaches children a lot.
I also think violence teaches violence. If you hit your children, they grow up thinking hittings okay. Oh and as for children running in the road etc, what sort of parents let their kids run in the road? If they get that excitable put them on one of those child-leash things.
I don't nessersairly thinking smacking is wrong. . . but I do think it's completly unnessersairy, and I think it reaps lesser rewards than other punishments which involve pyschological punishment do.
Hunger only for a taste of justice, hunger only for a world of truth, for all that you have is your soul.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Like others have said, I think that there are much more productive ways to discipline your child, and smacking therefore is not needed.
I was smacked as a child, up to an age of 9 or so, I think. Although I did learn from it in some senses, it don't think it helped me more so than any other form of discipline would have. Also, I think that once you start to smack your child, it becomes an almost normal think to do, and parents are more likely to use it for any form of discipline and not just when discipline is sorely needed. If you get me.
Although smacking had its benefits with me, I think the negatives really out-weigh(ed) the positives. Basically, there are other ways without having to use violence on your children, and parents are too quick to smack their children sometimes.
Anyhow, how are the laws on smacking currently? I remember a time a while back, when it was all over the news about how it was going to become an offence..? x
