Hey,
I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. It sounds like you've been trying really hard to improve things in your life but you feel that the support you're offered is no where near enough and that no one can see that you ARE trying. It can be very, very frustrating.
You say at the start of your post that " but then I started thinking maybe it was good and I could survive" - this is a feeling you need to hold on to. You felt that way before and you can do again.
Have you asked your psychiatrist about why they do not think a long stay in hospital is considered? I know there are a lot of restraints with financial costs and only a small number of beds available, but there must be an explanation as to why if you are in and out all the time, why they don't think a longer stay is suitable.
How do you find therapy? Is it helpful? Do you feel able to open up during the sessions?
Your mum is right, we all do have bad days, but knowing that doesn't make them easier to get through - it can be very disheartening to keep having these rough patches when we're working so hard at feeling better. Of course, it is a big deal that you're suicidal and I'm sure you're mum isn't trying to invalidate that - possibly just trying to say that being suicidal right now doesn't mean that you will always be like this, or that it's the end of the world.
Do you find any enjoyment in anything at the moment? Seeing friends or hobbies or anything?
We're here to listen to you.
x x x
|