Really really low body image

[Snow White.]

Hi
As some of you know I have a tendency to binge eat. I'm trying so so hard to get better and I've started to have healthy breakfasts almost every day and I've been proud of myself for that.

But then it all goes terrible and I make poor choices or I binge. Sometimes the choice is just an unhealthy choice but I think it's terrible anyway.

This in turn affects my body image to the point I get very depressed about myself. I don't want to leave the house. I don't think anyone should be with me and I should let everyone know that I'm aware I am fat. So that they don't think I think I'm pretty and I know I am disgusting.

I have to move past this negative thinking but everything is so difficult and I just wanted to get this out and see if anyone had any advice. I do see a psychologist but up until now our work around this hasn't been overly successful. I can leave the house with a challenging statement she gave me to combat my thoughts but that's all.

It seems so hard like maybe I'm not ready but I need to be ready because this will kill me otherwise.

Thanks for reading
Aimee

[rachaellostinlife]

Hi there. I know exactly how you feel. I'm feeling like this today. Which is why ive come on here funnily enough. I always have body issues but when i make bad choices i automatically feel hideously ugly and fat. I feel like that now but i also make people aware of how i feel in order for them to say the opposite... This doesn't work anymore which makes me paranoid about whether they think the same - that im fat. Its a never ending battle.

The only advice i cab give is, when you're feeling low - think about the more important things in life. There are people out there with horrendous problems and try to think about how lucky you are - point out the positives to yourself rather than focus on the negative aspects of your life. This is what i do and even though its really tough, it does seem to work xx

life is a journey and we all need to live it

[Snow White.]

Thank you so much. I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same.

A friend did recently say it was such a waste of life to be worrying so intently about these things. I should try and remember that.

[Snow White.]

I can't handle how disgusting I look. I came home and tried my old winter pajamas on and the buttons hardly did up. My gut hangs out.

Fairly confident my dad was drunk when I got home. He's been home alone tonight.

Honestly I can't do this any more. I'm repulsive. I'm going to have to think of a way to end it.
I feel like I should apologize to everyone I know for letting myself get like this.*

[LittleCloud]

Slightly different situation, but from my own experiences I know how triggering it can be to see something which feels "disgusting" and so far from your ideal. I have been finding that playing sports- I enjoy soccer or zumba/dancing- creates a place to experience your body in a more positive light. Please don't apologise, the support and kind words I see you offer to others on here tells me that you're a pretty worthwhile person to say the lease. Hope that you are feeling better. It sounds like you have a lot going on for you.

[rachaellostinlife]

Snow white. Instead of focusing on the things you used to fit into, why not buy clothes that look beautiful ? I did that and i always get compliments of how much of a nice figure and beautiful i am. One thing ive learnt - even though i find it hard to accept - is that the size of you doesn't determine how attractive you are. Being toned and healthy is more important xx

life is a journey and we all need to live it

[[pretty on the inside]]

A couple of things that have helped with my body image:
-In the past year I've been well enough to get back into Judo. It's really good to be able to do a sport and appreciate your body for what it can do rather than how it looks.
-Trying to do nice things for myself, whether I feel I deserve them or not. I bought some moisturiser from Lush and when I feel bad about myself, I moisturise. Sounds weird, but taking care of myself in little ways does make me feel a little better.

[rachaellostinlife]

That's a very good point missus - we should treat our bodies :) i always feel nice after a face mask :)

life is a journey and we all need to live it

[escape artist]

Hiya! Not sure if I can give any advice that you haven't already heard, but I'll try , and also I think I know how you feel to some extent at least. I can very much relate to a lot of the things you write, like how you feel that one bad choice actually affects the way you feel about yourself as a whole (if I understand you correctly). This, I think, is something that a lot of people struggle with (not that that in itself is helpful, I guess - you are you, and your problems are in some ways unique to you, as you are a unique person)

However, as a lot of people do have these thoughts, and most people aren't disgusting when perceived by others (although I do not know you personally, from reading your posts I don't think you're disgusting, I think you're absolutely lovely), it really is just something we're telling ourselves. Something which, in turn, may affect the way others see us, because we act to reinforce the way we see ourselves.

Like how you say that you feel you need to make sure no one thinks that you think you're pretty. This, I can relate to a lot. It's like, I now feel I'm not allowed to dress up nice, and wear the clothes I like, because I think that the people who are allowed to, say, wear dresses (I love dresses. Like, a lot. But, again, not allowing myself to wear them), are the people who are skinnier, prettier and all-round better people than me. And if I wear them, people might think that I think I'm prettier, skinnier and better than I really am. And it feels so ridiculous when I'm writing it down, because, really, it is ridiculous, but it feels so REAL at the same time.
I don't know what my point is. maybe I just wanted you to know you're not alone, but then, people have already posted saying that, so maybe that was silly of me.

Anyway: Regarding the bad choices you say you make. Those choices do not define you to the degree that you seem to think! Really! Because being healthy isn't about always making the right choices, that can go wrong as well. It's about learning to make the right choices more often than the bad ones. That takes time. And you're already doing it! You're doing really well, having healthy breakfasts and all, which is more than most people do, actually. So you have every reason to be proud of yourself.

Like some have already mentioned here, some forms of exercise can also help with body image, as it helps you focus on what your body can do, instead of what it looks like. Or feels like it looks like. See if you can find something you enjoy, and maybe something that allows for a bit of improvement with time, as it will help you set small and big goals for yourself, and reaching them will show you that not only is your body capable of a lot more than you probably thought, you also have a lot of potential to build on.

Maybe set goals one day at a time? Like, tell yourself that you just have to get through one day, and then the next day, and see if it gets easier with time. Also, I don't know if your bingeing is related to stress, or what triggers it, but being prepared for those triggers, and having a distraction ready in advance might help?

Ok, don't know if this was any help, and it was very long, but I wish you luck, and I think you're already on a good path (and if you didn't stray a bit you wouldn't be human, you would be a scary perfect robot and that would be bad). I think you are very strong, and remember there are a lot of people who care about you, and who see more in you than what you're seeing at the moment.
Take care, love, K