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Old 16-03-2012, 04:25 AM   #1
Fakesmile
 
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Liverpool, NY
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Need to Talk

Hi. I don't know a lot of the people who are on here now, seeing as I haven't been on in years, but I needed to talk to someone. For those who don't know me I am bipolar and I si. Well I did si. It got really bad by 2008 and ended up moving back in with my parents. ( im 32 by the way ). But then in 2009 things really turned around. I felt better than I had in the 10 years previous, I stopped the si, and I even got a job. In the last 2 years I've lost 90 lbs and even have been promoted to assistant manager at my job. But the last week or so, I seem to have taken a great fall. I'm incredibly depressed and wanting so bad to cut again. I've even thought about taking a blade from work as I don't have any. I threw mine out in 2009.

Then I've been thinking, do I really want to fight this the rest of my life? Do I really want to go through this forever? Is life really worth it? I'm not so sure anymore. It's so frustrating. I was doing so good and felt so good. And now I'm not sure I want to keep fighting anymore. I don't know if I can keep doing this.

And I can't tell anyone in my real life. It's harder for me to talk about now, than it was back when it first started. I just can't tell anyone. And I don't know what to do.

Anyway, I don't expect a response, seeing as no one knows me, but I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.



"i find if kind of funny
i find it kind of sad
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
i find it hard to tell you
i find it hard to take"

"when your savings is dry
and you can't stop from crying
you got to suck it up"

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