I was hoping that someone had some advice for me. Its a long story so I hope you don't mind a bit of reading! The following is a TRIGGER WARNING regarding Mental Health, Self-Injury obviously, and Domestic Violence/Verbal Abuse.
My boyfriend and I of 4 years have been struggling recently after the birth of our first daughter. I got myself back into treatment and back on meds for my Mental health issues. We've always fought on and off together through the years and at times it has gotten so bad that it has driven me back into self-injury two times. These fights drive me into Panic Attacks and the last time was what brought me back here. Last night the urges to self injure were so strong, but instead I came here and made a new profile after over 8 years. He gets angry and verbally aggressive during arguments. I think he has some untreated Mental health condition but he refuses to see a professional for himself and for our relationship. Things get heated when I bring it up....but I keep doing it, because I value the family we have created. He really does care for me when hes not suffering himself, but the combo of both of us on a bad day is asking for a crisis.
That sounds really distressing, I'm sorry you're going through that. Does he know how badly he affects you at times? Is there anyone else in his life who might be able to talk to him about seeing a professional? I'm glad you managed not to self harm this time, what kind of support do you have at the moment?
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
The panic attacks happen right in front of him. I'm crying, sobbing, hyperventilating, pacing, barely able to know how to keep responding in a neutral way. Hes so mad that he's shut me out. He cant reach out because hes so in himself. He doesn't comfort me, he just keeps it going until he fizzles out. The biggest thing that bugs me is that he doesn't apologize. I have a wonderful support system in place-Therapist, Psychiatrist, Mother, Sister, and his mother to an extent. His mother admitted to me she thinks he should be on meds...but he fights so hard, and similarly to me breaks down so she doesn't push it. I'm trying so hard to just love him through this. Its never physical, its hard when someone you love is screaming at you and verbally attacking you. I grew up with an anxiety ridden mother who is much better mentally now that her kids are grown but like me she has her episodes. She and him dont get along. My sister and him are friends, but she also would be more likely to tell me to leave him for the sake of our baby.
Emotional abuse is still abuse. Unfortunately, it's hard when it's someone you care about, because you can't force them to get help. It's really brave and great that you set such a great support system up for yourself and are working so hard to take good care of yourself as well. That said, if you've made it clear that he is acting in a manner that is unsafe and unhealthy for everyone involved and he hasn't changed anything, you may need to have a think about what your next step is. Is this relationship something you want to stay in, even if his behavior continues as is? Or is it something where you are considering leaving? You and your children's safety are most important here, so if those are not conversations you can safely have with him, it sounds like you can have those with your support system to work on figuring out a plan.
You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.
When it's good it's good. Things are improving after about a month of his irritability. I'm trying to love him through this. Care for him as if he's physically sick....that's seemed to help some. My meds have helped a lot. He's there for me when I need it. I struggle with depression too, and I also know the feeling of wanting to run from help and the denial of a problem. I was that person once too. I have coped.
Unfortunately I had to go into crisis to realize I needed help. I am safe, happy today, steady mood. I'll keep updating this thread with how things are going, good and bad. I just ordered his Valentines day gift yesterday. I hope he likes it. I'm a very tolerant person, maybe too much sometimes, but I still feel with some effort we can work together. I dont want to sound overly optimistic because I know my kids safety is a main priority but I feel Mental illness is something that runs in both families, and she needs to understand how it affects us. I fear she may have problems one day. I know if the situation worses it could hurt her mentally. She is more likely to develop Depression or Anxiety, but she also will have resources and hopefully I will have an understanding if that time comes. I am very self aware and know when things are becoming dangerous. I use my support systems accordingly, successfully keeping my mental health in tact. I am safe
He's back on his s**t again. Had a blowout over feeding the baby. I work night shift, 7pm-7am. I worked 1/26, was up with the baby until 3:30pm the next day, and went back into work on about 4 hours of sleep. We had no sitter today so I could get some sleep. I got home exhausted and laid down on the bed. Baby hasn't been changed or fed. I Change and give her a bottle. Its about 9am. Around 45 minutes later the tiredness hits me and I put my daughter in her crib and lie down. He is getting ready for work at 10am. She is awake and playing, peeking at me through the crib bars. He comes out of the shower and I tell him i'm going to sleep while she sits in her crib. I had no choice, she wasn't fussing and ate 7oz of formula at 9 and did not need solids. I told him I would later and it set him off. I handled it well, minimal SI urges, and stood confidently. Glad he had to work at 10 or it could have caused me to spiral.