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Old 05-02-2018, 10:50 PM   #1
Bellatrix
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Confused

My new psychiatrist evaluated me and said my diagnosis should be bipolar, rather than schizoaffetive disorder.

This means the thoughts I have and the things I see and feel aren't psychotic. They're real.

I have a purpose, a destiny. I will change the world with what I know and it terrifies me because it puts me and the people I care about at risk because the powerful people who run the world will do anything to stop me revealing the truth.

I don't know what to do. They want me to go with them. To reach transendance. The entire way the world exists will change.

I've always know I wasn't right. Not from this planet. Not fitting g in. I didnt know why and now I do.

How do I and the people I love stay safe? What's the best way to go about this? I need to get everything together so Im ready. Nuclear war is coming, genetic experimentation and viral weaponry are being developed. Russia is breaking down the west. I don't have much time and I need help. I don't know what to do.




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Old 05-02-2018, 11:00 PM   #2
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My understanding of the difference between the two isn't the presence or absence of psychosis but what is going on when the psychosis is there- if it is only observed during a period of low/high/mixed moods it is more likely to be bipolar but if it is observed outside of a mood episode it comes under schizioaffective disorder. I guess there is a bit of a continuum between the two conditions too, picking exactly where someone falls must be a bit of a dark art.

I very much doubt that he was saying that the things you are feeling are real. Is there a member of your team you could talk to about what the different diagnoses would mean to your symptoms and your continuing care.

Please speak to people in your team, the world is a scary place right now but it doesn't come down to you. It isn't your responsibility to fix it.

How do you think your mood is at the moment?



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Old 05-02-2018, 11:18 PM   #3
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I was told I had 'psychosis' in all mood states at different times. But I didn't tell this psychiatrist about what im thinking.

I don't have anyone. I see the psychiatrist again in 3-6 months. Other than that I do t have anything.

I need someone to help me figure out what to do . How to get the truth out without hurting g the good people.

I'm thinking about getting a gun. Just incase I need to protect myself. There are surveillance vans outside my houses. People are flowing g me. I'm pretty sure they've bugged my house. I feel better at my boyfriend's because I think they might not know I live there sometimes so they might not have put devices there.

I'm so scared. You don't understand the weight of what I know. How works changing it will be. I'm going to die soon, I know that. I need to find a way to document things and get it into the right hands for when I'm killed. They'll make it look like a accident or suicide. But you'll know. You'll all know it was murder. I need to encrypt the documents and pictures I have but I don't know how to do that. I know you can put text and information in images so I need to learn how to do that. When I die, please please folow my clues, find d what I've hidden and if you feel able, carry on my quest.

The world is about to change Cates trophically.

I'm alobe. I'm drinking to make my thoughts harder to track.

I don't know what to do. I'm soscared




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Old 05-02-2018, 11:44 PM   #4
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It sounds like the world is rather scary for you right now. Please don't get a gun, I understand that things feel dangerous at the moment but I really really don't think anything will be improved by getting a weapon.

I felt that weight of responsibility before, feeling like the existence of the entire world is on your shoulders. I promise you that it isn't down to you.

Would speaking to your GP or boyfriend about things that are going on be an option? I fear that keeping all of this hidden away inside is going to feed it all.

Keep talking here if it helps and take it easy with the drink.



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Old 05-02-2018, 11:57 PM   #5
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I can't worry him. He'll leave me. But maybe that's for the best.

I'm home now. I've got more alcohol because it's helping. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight.

I don't know what to do. Im alone with this.

I'm ok. I'll be ok.




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Old 06-02-2018, 12:03 AM   #6
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What's your relationship with your GP like? Could you make an appointment with them tomorrow?



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Old 06-02-2018, 12:13 AM   #7
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There's one GP I trust. But I wouldn't be able to see him for a few weeks.

I told my bf I was struggling, but he got angry I didn't tell him sooner and now he's arguing.

I can't cope.

I just want to be able to sleep a little.




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Old 06-02-2018, 12:18 AM   #8
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Maybe it would be worth booking an appointment even if it is a few weeks off. Are phone appointments an option?

Well done on telling your bf, I'm sorry he has responded like he has.

Do you think you could sleep soon?



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Old 06-02-2018, 12:34 AM   #9
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If you're under a psychiatrist, you should be able to call the duty worker even if you don't have a CC allocated to you. Would you consider doing that?



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Old 06-02-2018, 12:36 AM   #10
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I'll call tomorrow and see.
I don't need medical help though. I'm not medically ill. I'm just aware of things other people aren't.

I shouldn't have posted this here, I'm not suicidal. I just didn't know where to put it.

I'll try and sleep soon. I've not slept in days so I'm not hopeful. But I'll try.

Thank you for talking to me. I'm sorry.




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Old 06-02-2018, 12:37 AM   #11
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I don't know the number for out of hours...
They said I could call during office hours and speak to duty but it wouldn't be the same person.




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Old 06-02-2018, 12:39 AM   #12
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Have you got anything you can take to help you sleep? Any PRN or anything? It's horrible when you haven't slept.


You might not be medically unwell, but that doesn't mean that you don't need some support. No harm in trying to talk to someone.



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Old 06-02-2018, 12:53 AM   #13
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I have clonazepam prn but it's supposed to be for mania and doesn't sedate me or make me sleepy. I am so exhausted but I just can't sleep. I have a gene mutation that affects how I metabolise drugs, and prevents sedatives from working. I don't really have anything that helps me sleep except cannabis, which I only take for pain and don't have any left. I also have a sleep disorder that fluctuates between hyper and hypo somnia.



I'll try and sleep soon. I never know what cycle I'll be flying into and I have an invasive procedure on the 8th in the early morning which I need to be awake for so I can't afford to risk falling into hypersomnia.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be difficult. Things are just complex for me because I have gene mutations.




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Old 06-02-2018, 01:01 AM   #14
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It's OK. You don't need to apologise.


How's your sleep hygiene? I know everyone bangs on about it, but it can sometimes be helpful.


Would you say you're feeling anxious? I would be if I was worried about the things you are. Do you think the clonazepam would help with the anxiety enough to enable you to sleep, even if the drug wasn't making you sleepy itself?



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Old 06-02-2018, 01:39 AM   #15
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Sleep hygiene does nothing. I've had all the tests and tried all the procedures. My brain is structured differently. It's neurological.

I'll take a tablet and see if it helps. I also have CBD oil which helps the pain a bit. I'll try and sleep.




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Old 06-02-2018, 01:58 AM   #16
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Did the place that did the tests suggest anything for the neurological condition? You say that you can't risk falling into hypersomnia, which suggests there are things you can do to help prevent that risk (even if you can't definitely stop it.) I hope you can do what you need to do to get some sleep.



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Old 06-02-2018, 05:01 AM   #17
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Yes there is medication they are considering but it is really hard to get prescribed. They're talking to my psychiatric team to see if it's suitable. I'm fairly certain they'll say no. Without it I won't have any sort of life. I want to work and go out and do things but I can't because I need to nap all the time. The medication would be life changing.

But now I'm in the not sleeping phase. And I feel so physically unwell.




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Old 06-02-2018, 10:54 AM   #18
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Do you think perhapsbyour sleep is contributing to your moods and symptoms? When you don’t sleep you’re more likely to go into the manic state and vice versa?



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Old 06-02-2018, 11:27 AM   #19
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I'm not manic, or depressed.

I don't think.

Like my thoughts are really fast and I can't keep up or understand them. I'm not sleeping or eating. I feel powerful. And powerless. Everything is more bright and vivid.

But my mood isn't elevated really. So I don't think I'm manic.




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Old 06-02-2018, 01:14 PM   #20
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I’m not saying you are either of those things. I just asked if you think sleep affects how you feel mood wise.

With how you’re feeling now. It’s good you can understand in an aspect that it could be mental health related that being true and set in stone. Do you think the way you’re feeling now could be related to the dr saying it’s more bipolar than schizoaffective?

Having bipolar doesn’t mean you don’t have psychosis.



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