This is a really selfish thread and I'm sorry for that.
I'm in New Zealand atm on my medical elective and then I'm going to Malawi. It should be the most amazing trip ever. I'm staying with my cousins in NZ and it is great to see them. The hospital is lovely - the kids I'm working with are great and the doctors and nurses are really nice. Even so I've been feeling really flat and kinda lonely. I feel so far away from the few friends I have and it's making me realise just how few that is and how many I've lost over the past few years. Even contact online seems limited because of the crazy time difference, and in Malawi I won't have much internet access at all. I'm so annoyed at myself because I feel like I'm not making the most of this trip but I'm lacking the energy and motivation to do much beyond force myself into the hospital each day and I'm getting quite nervous about going to Malawi by myself.
Soooo, onto the selfish part...I would love some messages or something, just to feel like I still have contact with people on here. I know it's my fault for not being great at sending messages myself and not really being worth people's effort, I just find it really hard when I feel like this.
I'm so sorry, this sounds weird even to me but I would be really grateful.
Last edited by Imperfect.Star : 05-04-2012 at 12:27 PM.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
I've been thinking about you lots and wondering how your getting on!
Do you have a smart phone if so can you download whats app? Then I'll text you :p
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. It doesn't sound weird or selfish and you are DEFINITELY worth the effort. You are a really lovely person and you deserve to have an amazing time. I have been thinking of you and wondering how you're getting on.
Sending you lots of love and hugs xxxx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I think that feeling a bit low when you're on the other side of the world is completely normal.
Also, Cam said what I was thinking. I keep wondering how you're getting on, and I'm so jealous that you're in NZ, it's somewhere I really want to visit.
If you download what's app then I'll definitely text you, or if you fancy a postcard/update on my ridiculously dull life then let me know and I'll endeavour to get something to you.
Also, and probably most importantly you're not friendless and you're not selfish, you're fab and you really, really deserve to be happy xxx
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
Thank you guys so much. Replies mean the world!!!
I do have whatsapp :)
Post would be amazing but it might not be the best idea given the time something might take to arrive.
Honestly, replies here make everything feel so much better.
xxxxxxxxxx
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
Hey!
I'm not surprised you're feeling lonely and scared, I know I would be!
There's no way I could have done a proper elective, I mean, the thought of going away for a weekend with my family or husband is too scary to even do. I did try to organise an elective to Canada but THANKFULLY it fell through at the last minute so I ended up doing it at the same hospital I was already at in the UK. Phew!
I think you need to be kinder to yourself. It is impressive enough that you are managing to go into the hospital each day. It doesn't matter if you don't do anything else!
I have very few friends. And in my old age and wisdom (!) I have come to realise this doesn't actually really matter, so long as I'm satisfied with things. So don't worry if you feel you don't have enough friends or as many as other people because all that matters is how you are.
I don't really have any advise for how to cope with being a long way from home because I've never been there. But I am really impressed that you're doing this! It will be something cool to look back on.
You could use this thread to keep us updated with what you're up to... it'll be almost like socialising!!
Hope you're ok, have fun and even if it isn't fun, you'll be home soon enough.
xx
I wanted to tell you I love you lots and miss you lots too and then I saw this thread, how strange. :) Lots of love xxxxxxxx
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
Hallo! Tis Jenna here [too lazy to log out of LeClaire's account!].
Just sending you some love and we must skype sometime. You are ALL the wonderfulness and I miss you!!
I love ALL you guys and am so grateful to you all.
It's a Jewish festival at the moment and I went with one of my cousins and her husband of a year to the dinner/service last night. It was really nice but basically all young married couples. It just re-emphasised the loneliness. I don't want to be unloveable and alone :(
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
I'm glad you enjoyed the dinner but don't ever think you are unlovable. You can see people think you're wonderful and you are.
Having said that, I know lonely is horrible. Imagine a giant hug (off a giant rabbit) is travelling all the way to meet you. Sorry I can't help more my lovely.
xxxxx
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
Love you Miranda.
I had a really lovely afternoon with my cousins today. We went up this big hill to look over the city and the kids sledged down bits of hillside on a cardboard box then played frisbee in the park.
I've also booked quite a few things to do over the next few weeks which is great however I'll also have a fair bit of alone time as the cousins I've been staying with have gone to Israel to see their daughter and her new baby. This means I have the house to myself for the next 3 weeks. I don't really know how that's going to go.
How are you all? If you have time please update me on your lives.
Last edited by Imperfect.Star : 09-04-2012 at 10:37 AM.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
As to the young married couples well pfft I'm older than you and thus my friends are older than you and I would say 25% are married 75% aren't and it's probably 50/50 out of the 75% as to who is single and who isn't.
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
Hiii,
Sorry to bump. Just missing any semblance of a social life right now. I just feel completely worn down and I have no idea why. It's been a 4 day week and yet I am utterly exhausted. It has literally taken all my energy to get to the hospital each day.
A friend from school just got engaged this week and I feel like a terrible person because the overriding feeling I get is jealousy when I should be ecstatic for her.
I feel like I'm a complete disappointment. No matter what I do it's not going to be enough unless I have friends, a boyfriend and at some stage get married and have kids. I don't know if I'll be able to stand a whole life without that possibility. I wish I could hide it from my parents but we're too close. I hate that I've gone from doing practically everything they could expect of me to being 'the problem child' with MH issues, SH and loneliness when my sister's life is falling completely into place with a Jewish social life, a long term boyfriend and a job lined up. And having written that I feel like even more of a jealous bitch even though I am happy for her.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
Dude, reply to my facebook message! I'm getting abandonment issues!!
In terms of feeling worn out, are you sleeping OK?
How is the hospital going? Once you get there, do you enjoy it? Are the other staff nice?
Sorry for ALL the questions :-/
I'm sorry there's so much pressure in your family to live life the stereotypical way; I can sort of relate to how difficult that is. If you put aside what your family expect of you, what do you actually want? Do you want a boyfriend because it would make you feel and look normal, or do you actually want the intimacy stuff?
And it's OK to be jealous. It's natural. I just wonder how much of it is jealousy to be seen as normal and how much of it is jealousy of what they actually have. From what you write and say, it seems like the overriding desire is to please other people and fit a stereotype, as opposed to what would actually make you happy.