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02-02-2021, 07:21 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Nov 2012
I am currently:  
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Help? Advice? Cancer...
6 days ago my fiance was diagnosed with cancer. They put him directly in the icu in a cancer hospital. Lifes been insane to say the least... its like when you cant think things cant get worse, then they get a million times worse. They don't know how long hes going to be there. I can only be there certain hours of the day because of covid. He can only have one visitor a day, so I had to miss a day so his mom could go up. They keep doing procedures because his white blood count is insanely high and they have to get it down before he strokes out. I havent slept much and I havent ate anything in 6 days. I wind up in panic attacks crying my eyes out trying to breathe in the parking lot every night leaving him there. I have never slept a night without him since we met 6 years ago. I just miss normal. I hate crying. I hate peoples sympathy around me. I know they have good intentions but I feel like they all treat me like im broken. I dont really know where to go from here... were waiting on super important test results so im just going insane tonight staring at my phone wishing it would ring. Part of me wants to die, but not enough to do it. I'm a walking disaster. I haven't accomplished anything since hes been there and I feel bad for it. I just wake up, or get up? Idk I dont really sleep, then I just sit around staring at the clock till its time to go back up to the hospital. I dont know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.
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S[he] be[lie]v[ed]
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06-02-2021, 10:43 PM
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#2
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently: 
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dont feel bad for anything sweetie!! <3
youre struggleing very very much *hugs you!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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06-02-2021, 10:43 PM
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#3
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*super hugs you all*
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: texas
I am currently:
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how are you feeliing now sweet heart? <3
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just another floating iceberg in this ocean we call life...….
Am I a failure from birth
Is misery what I deserve
Am I just so void of love
That I'm never good, never good enough
~citizen soldier-never good enough
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06-02-2021, 10:58 PM
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#4
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Pathologically flamboyant
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Safety Cupboard
I am currently: 
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This sounds awful, I'm sorry going through this. With regards to not accomplishing anything, I don't think you're expected to accomplish much right now- it's enough just to get through each day and keep going!
I find it tricky to sleep on my own, even in less difficult circumstances than this and what helps me is listening to something just to fill the silence a bit. When things were particularly bad I had one DVD that I watched most nights as I went to sleep and I found that really soothing. Don't know if something like that might be helpful for you.
How have things been since you posted this? Did the test results come through?
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No other sadness in the world would do
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