Hi everyone...so, I'm not sure anybody will remember me (Shauna). I used to spend a lot of time on here, but it's been quite awhile now.
Well, I suppose I should just get right into it. I have struggled with eating disorder stuff for awhile now, starting at 17, and now I'm 24.
Last year was the first time I ever reached out to anybody about my ED. I found a doctor, and was honest with them right from the first visit. It took awhile, but eventually she was able to talk to me about trying some anti-depressants, and then after many more talks (and months), she convinced me to see a therapist. I've been seeing a therapist since probably about October 2015. I went in with not a great view on it, but she has turned out to be great. The problem is, I still am not getting any better.
Two weeks ago, my therapist suggested that maybe I need more intense treatment. We talked about a day program, which was scary enough. I told my therapist that I wasn't sure day treatment would work because of my current situation. I am in an "abusive" relationship, and it's one of my biggest triggers at this current point in time. He often alternates back and forth between telling me I'm fat and need to lose weight, and saying that I have an eating disorder. At one point, he followed me into the bathroom and tried to make me purge and then told me he was doing it to show me how stupid I looked. Due to incidents, I do not feel a day treatment would be beneficial. My therapist suggested residential treatment.
She said that she has watched me just get worse, and she agrees that she doesn't believe I can get better staying here. She wants me to go residential. I am terrified of this thought, I still go back and forth between whether or not I even consider this a problem. But, we called a place.
I spoke to the director. She took my insurance. And yesterday I get a call saying that my insurance will cover almost all of the cost associated with it. They also said that they could have a bed for me within the next three weeks if I want it. I'm supposed to go and get an EKG and blood work done this upcoming week.
I don't know if I even want to do this. I don't know how to tell my boyfriend or family. I don't know what to do. I'm terrified. My therapist says she doesn't think I can function like this for much longer, but I don't know if I can do treatment like this. I don't know what to do.
Any support would be appreciated. Any experiences in dealing with treatment would be helpful.
Hey Shauna, sorry you're in such an unpleasant relationship and that things are bad with your ED; though it's great that you've managed to reach out and that your insurance will cover almost all of the cost of residential treatment. I hope you're able to take this opportunity to get the help you've deserve and that you've needed for a long time.
Hi,
I have been to residential ED treatment as well as inpatient, day patient, and intensive outpatient. If you have any questions or you'd like to discuss the specific program, I'm 100% willing to do so - I'm okay answering more general questions publicly but if you have anything more specific I'd prefer to discuss it via PM as this is (obviously) a public forum.
Thinking of you. x
The center actually called today, asking about whether I had the EKG/Labs done. I explained I had the ekg done, but not the blood work yet. She said they will have an available bed Monday, and it's mine if I want it/get the blood work done.
I'm not sure what to do. I am on the fence, and I still feel like I have so much today. I can't just up and leave my whole life in five days. My therapist is saying I can ask to be bumped back on the list so I can figure out what to do with my job while I'm gone...but this is all getting very real and freaking me out.
Hi,
I'm in residential treatment right now. I've been in residential treatment in about 8 hospitals in the past 4 years, but this is the first time for an eating disorder. I was terrified to come: not ready to eat, not ready to gain weight, not ready to let them take away my control...
It's my third day now and things are going much better than expected. I struggled the first two days but today I ate some of every meal.
The girls are all SO nice, their stories are SO relatable, I feel understood now. The people who work here understand me. They take care of me physically, I fainted on my second day and they cared. They make me feel like I matter and like my symptoms are serious enough. I'm still losing weight here but they say that's normal in the beginning. Now I have to make a plan to increase my meals.
You'll feel better inpatient. It'll be a huge struggle to get away from your eating disorder and believe me, it's scary as **** but what are you doing with your life now? Your with a boy who treats you and your illness like a joke? Are you happy with your life right now? If not, it's time to change something, starting with YOU!
I wish you all the best
Last edited by Pi.R^2 : 02-08-2016 at 08:01 AM.
Reason: Removing food list and BMI
Maybe being bumped back on the list (presuming that would only be for a week or so?) would be a good idea, as I imagine you'll feel better having sorted things out with your job.
I definitely think you should go for this, despite it being really scary! Maybe you could make a list of all the positives of being free of your eating disorder, to help motivate you to accept the help.
Honestly, I don't think bumping back is a good idea. I know that's contrary to what has been said. But allowing more time is just going to give you time to deteriorate further, and potentially cause you to lose your place. If you become too medically unstable, they'll want you to go inpatient instead of residential.
Also, you're not going to feel any more ready or have things any more sorted in a week than you are in a few days. That's not really how it tends to work, at least from what I have seen/experienced. Get the bloods done, and get yourself into treatment. You'll be glad you went sooner.
This. It's better to go now. Don't wait till things deteriorate medically, I've done that and had to spend a month in ED inpatient before a residential would even take me. It is never going to feel like the right time. You're never going to feel ready. Go now, embrace this opportunity. You can do it.
Things have been a bit...crazy here. I have been struggling a lot and leaning on my therapist so much for support. I am going into treatment. I had to bump it back so I can work some stuff out with my job and school, since I was actually supposed to start my MSW at the end of this month...but it's happening. Not being able to start school now has honestly been the most hard thing about all of this so far. I think my relationship is about over too. I feel like I'm losing everything all in one go: my return to school, my job, my boyfriend, my home, purging, and restriction. Everything is changing and that's even more terrifying than just treatment.
Basically, life sucks. But my therapist has been wonderful and a great resource, so at least I have that going for me? My attitude sucks, but I'm trying even if it doesn't seem like it. haha.
Sounds like lots of big chances and it's understandable to be scared, but hopefully this treatment will make things so much better for you and you'll be able to return to school and work feeling more well and able to make lots of new beginnings. Wishing you all the best for your treatment and I'm glad you've got your therapist to support you!