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my fat friend, a journal entry *possible trigger*
I have a fat friend.
She looks in the mirror and all she sees are the trials and stresses of her life hanging on her hips.
She sees the past and how it didn't lead her to the future she had hoped for.
She can't see past the two amazing kids, or her supportive husband. All she can see is how her body failed and cost her a baby. She can't understand why no one will hire her, not for her lack of experience, but for her lack of longevity at one job. And on every application she longs to explain how her depression only backs off when there's something to take her mind off of it. But that it comes back full force when she learns to do her job with her eyes closed.
And when she looks at her reflection she sees the eyes of a warrior. A warrior covered in the scars of battle with a snake. She's been at war with this anaconda for over a decade. It sneaks up on her without warning. Its teeth have missed they're mark just as much as they've hit. But when they hit, they sink in, almost becoming one with the flesh. Then, when the pain just about peaks, the venom starts flowing. Her body grows warm with the poison filling her veins. It eventually reaches her brain, replacing all logic with its own agenda. And when it reaches her heart, it turns all the love she has for her friends, family, and favorite things into indifference. However she still has adult commitments to fulfill.
Within these adult commitments she realizes that she can't continue carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. It hits her that she needs help.
I need help.
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