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Old 18-11-2007, 02:37 PM   #21
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What're you angry about, Mari? Who are you angry with?

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Old 18-11-2007, 03:54 PM   #22
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Myself.

I thought i could do this but then i forgot when you have nothing to repace it with, everything pents up inside.

Hurting myself used to be the only way, feel the pain on the outside, punish yourself, im angry because i want to and i cant.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 18-11-2007, 04:04 PM   #23
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There are safer ways to express anger, like throwing cushions/pillows, going somewhere quiet and screaming, journalling, drawing, dancing.... lots of ways, but they are life affirming rather than self destructive.

Unfortunately recovery isn't something that can be achieved overnight... be gentle with yourself, it takes time and patience..

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Old 18-11-2007, 05:53 PM   #24
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Maybe its something i dont have. Last night i spent most of the time thinking about cutting i couldnt concentrate on anything else. Its why i kinda locked myself away in my room.

I dont understand why its harder than last time. Im struggling terrible but it seems weak to ask for help, even then what can people help with?

Im tired and confused.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 18-11-2007, 06:37 PM   #25
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Have another lookie at the article on Emotional Regulation in my Home Page. That might help a bit.

I see it as a sign of strength to ask for help. Sometimes the hardest thing can be to reach out when you feel so distressed and alone.

People can help by listening, by understanding, and by nurturing your ability to observe your feelings and not act on them, rather to understand where they come from [e.g. from low self esteem, and how that came to be] and build up like a healthy resistance inside to the urges to hurt yourself. It can be frustrating, and is certainly not easy. Sometimes it goes more smoothly than others.

It might be feeling harder this time round because your resolve is stronger, but the urges are fighting away beneath to gain back power to compensate. It's like the urges are scared of being overpowered....

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Old 18-11-2007, 08:05 PM   #26
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Its easy to lash out and do the whole "you dont give a damn about me", becasue thats what it feels like, and doing that just goes back to me being borderline, the whole i hate you - dont leave me thing.

Yeah it feels like no one cares, and i feel on my own fighting this, even then i think im too scared to get close to people and let them in, after everything that happend before. Getting hurt just caused me to be worser, and i never want to get hurt like that again.

But yet again im jus here by myself, trying to figure everything out and cope. Its not going too well.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 18-11-2007, 08:08 PM   #27
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I hear you Mari. And yes, I have been there to some degree myself. So have many people here. It can be hard to see that when you're locked in that painful mind-set.

You know that my pm box is always open to you.

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Old 18-11-2007, 09:05 PM   #28
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I think people are avoding me.

great.

or maybe its the paranoia





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Old 18-11-2007, 11:00 PM   #29
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I feel complety alone. Im scared the hallosinations will come back.

I just dont want to live anymore, everything seems so black and white with no colour, like there is no point to anything. All we ever do is go to sleep, wake up, do what we have to do, then sleep again.

People say its all worth it, life is worth it for thoes moments that makes you truly happy, or seeing something beautiful. Maybe thats the problem with the dysthmia, you cant rember anything happy, it all just seems like a blur.

But its not worth it, nothing in my eyes is worth living for, not even myself. It seems like a waste of life really, but its my life, something i want to waste.

Im ill, and i dont want to be like this, i dont have any control over it. I know im going to end up as another sad statistic, a person whos life ment so little.

The thing many people dont realise is mental illness kill, its serious, so serious that people try to pretend its not there. I guess its an easy thing for people to block out.

I just dont want to live.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 19-11-2007, 12:19 AM   #30
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Mari .... I am concerned right now that you seem to be struggling with such an overwhelming sadness that makes you question whether it is worth even living, but yet by posting in this forum, you might not have access to the sort of support and advice that may just help to lift you out of this deep dark hole that traps you.

Can I recommend that while you are going through this difficult time, that you post in one of the RYL support forums?

I realise that you have the intention of giving up self injury and moving forward with your life, but while you are having such a hard time, you may find that the support forums open you up to a wider range of helpful replies to your posts.

Its just a suggestion anyway ..... I dont want you to miss out on anything that might be helpful during this difficult time in your life hun.

Take care ... and try really hard to hang in there Mari. xxx

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Old 19-11-2007, 08:57 AM   #31
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I'm still here for you Mari.

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Old 19-11-2007, 04:34 PM   #32
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I dont know how i feel today. Tired mainly, i took a larger dose of the seroquel last night so it was hard to get up for class.

I just dont want to be here, that idea hasnt changed any, im just tired.

My borderline side is pretty active right now, im doing the whole anger thing. It feels like im on my own, it feels like no one gives a damn.

It feels lonely.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 19-11-2007, 05:08 PM   #33
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I give a damn.

The borderline thing can be hard. I know. It can make you feel so desperately lonely, even when you're not alone.

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Old 19-11-2007, 06:10 PM   #34
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But i am alone. Even if i ask people to come over they ignore me. Even if i try to act happy and fine, im far from it.

Stop pretending like everythings going to be fine, when its not. It has to end.

There is nothing to numb the pain.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 20-11-2007, 08:00 PM   #35
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unis stressful, and i have a headache.

I want to lie down and die





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 20-11-2007, 08:01 PM   #36
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What's stressing you about uni?

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Old 23-11-2007, 12:22 AM   #37
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too much revision and learinging to do.

in 40 mins, 2 weeks free.





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Old 26-11-2007, 07:56 PM   #38
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im so tired, and stressed i just want to sleep. Im not feeling so good.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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Old 26-11-2007, 09:58 PM   #39
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Maybe get an early night?

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Old 26-11-2007, 10:56 PM   #40
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i have too much work to do, and i revise better at night, its quite here.





"Its not how long a star shines, what is remembered is the brightness of the light"


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