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Old 27-04-2012, 03:55 PM   #1
ReleaseTheory
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Tired of Fighting SI.

I won't lie, I'm much better now then I was years ago in terms of how often I self injure. Then again, I've gotten much deeper then, say, 4 years ago, so I try to wait until one set of wounds is healed before I do more. Sometimes this could take two or three weeks. I do my best to rely on butterfly bandages and gauze, so I'm aware that if I went to the hospital they'd probably be able to stitch me and make me heal much faster.

That's not the point though. The point is that somedays I get hit with this sudden cold, tight, pulling feeling in my chest (totally unrelated to panic attacks), and I can feel it coming on. That's how I am right now. I got the feeling yesterday, and I've been trying to hold out. Because I want to stop. But if I end up cutting, it's not going to be something I can fix with a bandaid or two and call it good. I know what I'm capable of, and it's scaring me. I'm scaring myself. How ridiculous is that?

I need a plan for the rest of my day that I can follow hour by hour so that I'll make it another day, but I'm honestly so low that I don't even feel like moving to go find a piece of paper and a pen. I don't want to do anything except maybe go curl up and go back to sleep. I'm exhausted from all this effort to stay "clean". I can't take it.

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Old 27-04-2012, 06:11 PM   #2
Yesimhere
 
Join Date: Mar 2012

Maybe you could call some one over to make sure you don't?



"I don't know why i cut myself, god, give me a sign or help, i won't cry, it'll be fine, ill take my last breath, push it out my chest, till there's nothing left."
------------------------------------------------------------
Hollywood undead

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Old 27-04-2012, 11:03 PM   #3
ReleaseTheory
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yxzy View Post
Maybe you could call some one over to make sure you don't?
Thanks for the advice. It seems like such an obvious idea, but I didn't even think about it. I did call a friend over, and I feel a little better now. She just left, so I'm hoping my "high" doesn't wear off.

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Old 28-04-2012, 02:14 AM   #4
PassedExpectations
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what are you planning for this evening? maybe it would be easier to start a spreadsheet on excel, or a word document, and do your planning on the computer...




this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.

The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.



PM me anytime, I love getting messages :)
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Old 28-04-2012, 10:14 PM   #5
ReleaseTheory
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I tried once to plan my days hour by hour, but I always seem to find excuses to deviate from the plan. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm addicted to SI. I even lie to myself if it means I can have the chance to flirt with cutting.

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Old 29-04-2012, 01:24 AM   #6
talaiporia
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How are you doing today?
I'm glad your friend help. Maybe it's worth having a list of people you can call in future when you need to cut.

Or trying things, like going out walking, or having a cold shower?



It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.


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Old 03-05-2012, 08:54 PM   #7
ReleaseTheory
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I'm doing better today...
I'm thinking about starting the Butterfly Project. Maybe that will help, too? Has anyone tried it?

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Old 04-05-2012, 05:05 PM   #8
Yesimhere
 
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I did, and it helped quite a bit......but as soon as i washed it off (cause i had to) i cut......i don't think it's for me though, but you might wanna try it.



"I don't know why i cut myself, god, give me a sign or help, i won't cry, it'll be fine, ill take my last breath, push it out my chest, till there's nothing left."
------------------------------------------------------------
Hollywood undead

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