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Old 30-03-2020, 04:27 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2020
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Military and Marriage

So I am wanting to join the National Guard, but my fiance doesn't want me to. We've had this discussion a couple of times and whenever we talk about it she breaks down crying and says shell leave me if I do. Her reasoning is that "she doesn't want a husband and father of our kids that could potentially be gone for some of the important events in our kids lives. The reason she's like this is because her father passed away when she was young and doesn't want me to be gone for our kids lives. I keep trying to rationalize with her that I wont be gone all the time. While I understand where shes coming from, its something that I feel compelled to do. I feel like I owe it to my country and to protect my family. I just need help in deciding on if I should go through with it. And if so, how do I tell her so that maybe she'll understand? I love her and don't want to lose her, but this is also something that I really want to do.

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Old 04-04-2020, 03:54 PM   #2
I always have a choice
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Hey there, welcome to RYL.

It sounds as though you're both coming from two strongly conflicting viewpoints that ultimately may well not be compatible with one another. But it's definitely still worth having some more conversations to see if you can fully understand each other's viewpoints and try to find a compromise. Does she understand how strongly you feel and how important it is to you? And do you understand that the fact that you won't be away all the time may still not be enough for her and not how she wants to experience a relationship and having a family?

Ultimately, if you decide you're going to join the national guard at the expense of your relationship then that's your choice, and if she decides she cannot be with someone who is frequently away at the expense of losing you, then that's her choice. Neither of you is 'in the wrong' so to speak. But hopefully one of you will feel able to compromise and it won't come to that.

Good luck!

We may not see eye to eye, but we can respect each other's opinions and find the truth in them.
Perhaps in those honest conversations, instead of demonising each other,
we might see each other as imperfect humans, doing our best. ~ Jodi Picoult

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