Triggering (SI) - bad night

[peanut] · 22-03-2008, 09:49 AM

Im feeling pretty down tonight.

Im about to go to the shop.... my main focus is to buy some blades as i threw all mine out.. I really dont want to cut but ive just had enough.
I need something. I stopped myself taking pills to calm me but i dont know... just a bad night.

One month si free and i feel im about to lose it. I tried so hard :(

completely_gone · 22-03-2008, 10:40 AM

Well, good for you for taking the time to post here first! One month si free is a fabulous accomplishment and I think if you try really hard you can continue on your path of not si-ing.

Perhaps you could talk about what is going on for you? What is it that have had enough of? Sometimes airing out all that is going on in your mind can be really helpful, as it gives your mind some space from the feelings even if it is just for moment.

Have you ever looked at the distractions list that we have compiled on the site? There are many useful suggestions as to how to work through urges to self harm...i know some of the popular ones are: taking an elastic band and snapping on your wrist when you have the urge to harm; holding ice in your hands until it melts completely; drawing on your arm with a marker etc. here is the link, http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=60 you may find something useful in there.

I am glad that you were able to stop yourself from taking pills, I understand what it is like to have a bad night, but you are not alone, there are many of us here that can empathise with how you are feeling right now. if you reach out to us, perhaps we can ease some of what is going on for you...if anything it is a distraction for a while.

be well and safe, and let us know how you go...remember you are not a lone RYL is always here for you. Good luck and stay strong.

[peanut] · 22-03-2008, 10:53 AM

Thank you for your kind reply.
I think you will be please to know that i didnt buy blades at the shop. I got ice cream and magazines instead.

Im just so down. My depression is getting pretty bad. I really need to see a doctor i think incase i do something stupid.

I was sexually abused by my father when i was little and yea lots of stuff has happened in my life that i am not proud of and that has really messed with my head. But at this moment, this second.. thats whats easting me the most. And its hard for me to be with my boyfriend because alls i can feel is what happned :(.

Its hard to get over.

completely_gone · 23-03-2008, 03:17 AM

Hey there, thanks for replying.

I am very happy that you chose ice cream and magazines instead! Good for you. I can understand what you are going through as I myself am attempting to conquer the same sort of issues. PTSD is something we can't learn to control all my ourselves trust me i have tried and have only learned the hard way.

Talking to a doctor or therapist would be a very proactive and healthy thing to do, because what happened in your past has happened and as horrible and unwanted as it was - we can't change it, rather learn how to frame it in our mind to be able to cope and continue to thrive in our life.

I am always here if you need support. Take care of yourself.

Ashleigh

ps. what part of aussie are you in?

[peanut] · 23-03-2008, 03:56 AM

Thank you,
I saw a counsellor when mum found out about the self harm but i could never ever bring myself to tell her about my abuse. I feel so ashamed.
I dont know what to do.

Im in south australia. Do u live in australia?

completely_gone · 23-03-2008, 06:38 AM

darling, i hear you. I didn't allow myself to remember that abuse i endured until last year, i held it in for over ten years, and then one day it just start flooding back because it's not meant to be held on too and not dealt with.

i know that you feel shame about what happened to you, but talking about it, and getting all those feelings that have you been left to battle all on your own out; is one of most healthiest things for you to do right now. everyone has there time, and it appears that perhaps you are ready to admit to yourself that you owe yourself the chance at life, and a good one at that.

sometimes it's about finding someone on your own and not because mum or the family want you to do it. is your mum supportive? think things out...i am always here if you want to talk about things. it sounds like we are trekking along a very similar windy and darkened road...we just have to believe.

how are things going for you today?

yes, i go to school in australia.

talk soon.

[peanut] · 23-03-2008, 12:53 PM

Hey,
Im sorry something bad happened to you. But im glad you got it out.
Only my boyfriend and my best friend knows about the abuse. it would kill my mum or the opposite way.... she wouldnt believe me.

Im just so sick of everything :'( Im not having a good night sorry.

I need to talk about it but i just cant. Its to hard.

WHere abouts?

xx