Triggering (SI) - A role reversal: what would you do if your future children began hurting themselves?
We are all guilty of judging our parent's/friend's reactions to out self-harm as unhelpful and harsh.
But can we blame them?
I mean, what would you do if you were a non self-harmer and you found out that your son/daughter/friend was hurting themselves?
suppose my opinion don't really count, cause as far as I'm concerned, my mum's reaction was as good as could be expected- and I made sure my friends didn't find out.
One thing though, it killed me inside when my mum started crying and blaming herself.
But I don't blame her, you know?
And me friends... I was drunk when one of 'em found out- so I can't remember their reaction. But me old ex-best mate went nuts, not like in an angry way, just checked my arms and legs and stuff every time we met up- and said I couldn't be trusted alone anymore.
Fair play and thanks for the concern. But holy ****. That was so not the way to go about showing her concern. But she was just... that sorta person, had to turn everything around so it was about her.
Everyone else- was really decent about it. Trying to help but in a nice way- you know?
(sorry, this post was completely pointless, I'm drunk.)
ha funny you brought this up, i was just thinking about it O.o lol anyways yeah this is the reason why ive decided im NOT going to have kids (im still 16 tho ) but yeah its just one of those things ive created a fear out of for myself.
theres just stuff ive experienced, which has made me realise what a **** world we live in, and i dont want to bring up a kid into the world, knowing theres a chance they can face all the things ive been/going through.
----------------------------------------------- Middle of nowhere
Finally I can breathe
Nobody knows my name
It's easier.
I thought about this....I'm not planning on having kids. But in all honesty I'd probably be really upset with them. Not because I didn't understand or was mad at them or whatever...I just wouldn't want to see them go through the pain of this. And I'd probably blame myself. But after I got over that I'd probably be helpful and understanding.
If I ever had kids and I found out, first of all I'd relate to them and then do my utmost best to help them.
My dad was really unhelpful with my brother and sister, so I've not told him about my problem. Hopefully I'll come across as a little more approachable to my kids.
erm lol this thread really makes you think,i think i would be able to relate to them and therefore help and support them through it before it got to the stage where it was on a regular basis x
If I were a non self harmer - I would try to understand as best as I could, and talk to them as much as they were willing to do. Tell them that they didn't need to be hurting themselves, and just be willing to talk to them whenever they needed someone, no matter what time of day or night it was.
As a self harmer, I would do everything that I need right now. x
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
i like to think i would be understanding and try to help, but then again i may be upset and angry because i know what its like. but i hope i would be like my ex's mum - awesome really caring and understanding and not judging. but then again this is my child we are talking about, i guess i hope they felt able to talk to me about it, even though i cant talk to my parents. i guess i sound like a hypocrite.
but i seriously hope it never came to that ever
I wouldn't push them or confront them but tell them if they need to talk about anything then i'm always there. If i suspected they were self-harming i'd tell them about me, so they would know that i really do understand.
id do my best to help them. Not overreact so they dont feel more ashamed, and i want to have a close relationship with my kids, so they can tell me when they need help. I dont want them to feel like they cant tell me anything out of fear that ill get mad. But i would ot feel angry hatred or dismissal tward my kids.
i think i'd react far worse than my mum did, she's actually pretty good about it. i'd probably search their room and all their stuff for lighters, blades, anything like that, confiscate anything i found. i'd search their school bag or handbag every day when they came in (without telling them). i'd keep our medicine cupboard empty except for plasters, bandages, steri-strips. i would take them to the doctor and make them see a counsellor or someone every week. if they tried to talk to me about SI i would quickly change the subject, but i would try to make sure they knew i would always be there to take them to hospital or wherever if they needed stitches, and to talk about problems/feelinsg they hda - anything except SI! i would tell their school to keep an eye on them as much of the time as possible. i would secretly start cutting again in the hope it would magically pass from them to me. in short, i would be the worst parent ever!
I was thinking about this, not if I had kids but more from when I used to work (kind of) with kids of all ages and one of them came up to me to say they SH'd coz I've got a feeling they would have either approached me in the first place or told I was the one to speak to. I don't know. I'd basically tell them that I was there but that it's not the way to deal with things and that they should try to talk about stuff rather than SH if they possibly could. And that they should try and get help sooner rather than later as it only gets worse and that I could try to help them if they needed it and talk to their parents or whatever if they couldn't do it (even though that would be INCREDIBLY hard for me.
I've been thinking about this a lot recently. I have a little boy, turns one in April. I stoppd proper cutting when I found out I was pregnant, so best part of 20 months now, and if i have a slight relapse it's jusr little scratches. So i don't really have any visible scars anymore.
I would love to say, if he started down the same path, I would share my experiences and let him know i went through the same thing. But, to be honest, I don't know if I would want him to know.
I think i'd be devestated that he couldn't talk ot me before he got to that point, as I hope to be a friend to him as well asa parent. I guess I'd try to be a supportive as possible, and I'd make sure anybody else in the familly that was told understood how to treat it. And some people just wouldn't be told at all. I suppose if you know how it feels, you can protects them from the dishartening reactions.
Well, reading a couple of the responses I came to a conclusion that people couldn't really honestly answer this because, even though we're talking about not being a self harmer and dealing with our kids, subconciously the mind won't turn off that part in us, so it's hard to say how you'd really react because there's a certain compassion we've acquired. So those who say they'd react calmly, and not push the children are saying that through their own current state of mind. On the other hand, self harm is surfacing throughout the world and in media as a serious problem to be dealt with carefully, so maybe even if we didn't do it, we would deal with it in the right manner, just knowing that it is something not to be taken lightly, but not to be taken harshly and invalidatingly.