Triggering (SI) - Okay , i started SI when i was 12

amandaxk · 20-01-2008, 07:27 PM

& idk i did it on & off every several months. Thefirst time i did it was a week before my friend's waterpark bday party , kinda stupid i know :/ i put a bandaid over it & one day my mom ripped it off & gave me a lecture about how i'm going to hell , but she never got help even when she found out i was once suicidal , & she STILL won't even though i'm begging her too every few days . Her excuse is always "Oh you haven't said anything, i guess you're over it. Just tell Dr Mommy you're problems." She can't do **** though for me , sometimes she makes stuff worse.I stopped over a year ago , & now I'm relapsing over & over , my cravings are getting worse , this morning i was so tensed up i couldn't breathe , but i tried real hard not to do anything. Thankfully i found this site yesterday , its really helping me get over my cravings. Idk why i'm depressed , it just came on me one morning & now i can't bounce back , its definatly not PMS either . My friend Berto at school is the only one that knows I'm depressed again , & he's the only person besides my parents who know i've cut myself in the past. He doesn't know i'm doing again now though , idk if i should tell him. I don't wanna be a burden to him , i mean i consider him to be my best friend but we haven't known eachother very long. He's so nice & supportive of me though , he's doing everything he can to cheer me up.

Sian · 20-01-2008, 07:45 PM

If you don't feel able to talk to your friend about your cutting are you maybe able to talk to him about how you are feeling? I am sure if you tell him you are going through a rough patch he will be happy to help you as best he can.

I am sorry your mum is not more supportive. I think sometimes parents feel that they should know best how to help their kids and when they don't they kind of go into denial or something. Is there anyway you could seek help for yourself? Maybe you could write a letter to her explaing that you need help and why.

You did really well to stop cutting for so long. I hope you are proud of yourself for that, because cutting now doesn't take that achievement away. We don't always know why we are depressed which can make it very hard to deal with. I hope you feel better soon.

Take care
Sian
xxx

-Baobab · 20-01-2008, 08:02 PM

How old are you love? If you're in school are there guidance counsellors? They are great to talk to and can often hook you up with free mental health services in your area. Depending on your age you don't need parental consent in order for someone to help you. There are a lot of ways around your mother, and if you don't want to do it behind her back maybe try getting a medical professional to talk to her. Do you have a family doctor? Maybe have a chat with him(her) and get him(her) to have a sit down with your mother.

You're doing so well, you just need a little help right now.

I hope things work out for you sweets.

amandaxk · 20-01-2008, 08:07 PM

Idk,i wanna tell him , but i don't waanna be a burden. I grew up without any friends my whole life & now that i finally have him as a best friend i don't wanna lose him like i've lost a lot of other friends. I tend to get a little paranoid when something is wrong & i won't shut up , so sometimes my friends get kindof pissed off by that xD

I think that too ; my mom has done that alot & she tends to coddle my brother more than me. She probably thinks i'm a screwed up child , but honestly i don't think i'm all that bad :/ I'm kinda begging her to call the doctor now , idk any group therapy things anywhere nearby , but i'm gonna keep asking her ever 6 hours if i have to.

Yeah i know , i was really proud up until the day i relapsed . I don't think i messed up though, i just gotta try to put an even bigger gap between relapses. It's gona be harder this time though I keep getting urges & i keep following through with alot of them .

Thanks for helping Sian :)

& to Baobab - I'm 14 now , i think i'm gonna have to talk to a guidanc counselour cuz my mom isn't making an appointment with my doctor no matter how many times i ask. Thanks for the advice & concern :)

Sian · 20-01-2008, 09:04 PM

Talking to a guidance councillor is a real good idea sweetie. If that doesn't work is there anyway you could make an appt for yourself at the Dr's? They might agree to see you without her, given the cirumstances. I think you are really brave to ask for help with this.

Sian
xxx

amandaxk · 20-01-2008, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sian

Talking to a guidance councillor is a real good idea sweetie. If that doesn't work is there anyway you could make an appt for yourself at the Dr's? They might agree to see you without her, given the cirumstances. I think you are really brave to ask for help with this.

Sian
xxx

Idk if i can , besides my doctor moved to an office waaay out of walking distance , so i'm not sure how i'd get there . Good idea though .