Contains abuse - Mom's new husband is making my PTSD relapse.

Edin · 11-07-2013, 04:41 PM

(I'm sorry if this is pretty jumbled, my mind is in a mess.)
To begin, I grew up with a physically and verbally abusive father and brother. My mom divorced him when I was 13 and we went our separate ways. I have PTSD from it and thought I was slowly but surely recovering, but now at 18 I'm relapsing because of my mom's new husband and I don't know what to do. (I think they were dating for around two years maybe and have been married a little over half a year.)

I'm very ill to the point that I'm disabled and am stuck in my room all of the time because of it. Without any friends in real life and no family around, my room is my only 'safe place' but I also feel trapped here. He is also here all the time with his two kids (4 & 6yr olds) who are over for the summer. (He got injured at his oil job so he's on leave and currently working a second job from home I think, he might be going back soon, I don't know.) He gets so angry at his kids and very easily, I often hear him yelling and cursing at them through my wall. Also spanking them, or threatening to 'give them the belt'. Or hearing the kids make loud noises; it all terrifies me to no end. I don't want to live in another abusive household. I can't even leave my room anymore unless my mom is home from work. He doesn't really yell when she is around.
He doesn't yell at me specifically, but I feel like it effects me just the same when I hear it through the wall. He also says a lot of sexist and homophobic remarks and other bigoted things. He is a slob and doesn't pick up after himself and doesn't tell his kids to pick up after themselves, so the living room and kitchen are always a mess even a few hours after my mom works so hard cleaning it up. And no matter how many times she tells him to pick up, he doesn't. He also does things like, when making dinner he always seems to add foods I can't eat. Do to my illness, what I can eat is limited and I keep saying I can't eat this, it makes me sick, but he gives it to me anyways. He is so inconsiderate, I can't take it.

And as much as I want to tell my mom all this, I just can't bring myself to. I want her to be happy so badly. She's always dreamed of having a house with a yard and sometime next year she might be able to get that with his help. She said she wanted to live there for maybe about 3 years so she can pay off debt and then we can move state. But I don't think I can last that long. My PTSD is just getting worse and worse by the day, I don't want to go back to being as afraid as I used to be. But that's the path I'm on. Sadly, I am unable to be independent, so I can't just go my separate way. In the end I think I will tell my mom, I'm not sure when though. I won't be able to last half a year more let alone 3. I just want my mom and I to be happy, I'm so torn apart. Can I get a little advice?

Patent Pending · 13-07-2013, 02:21 AM

I think you do need to speak to you mother but perhaps in a way of explaining about how the ptsd is becomming worse - so it doesn't become viewed as an attack against him?

She will understand having been through things with your father. I think you need to let her know how you're feeling because feeling more isolated will affect the ptsd too.

x x x

jw86 · 13-07-2013, 03:31 AM

Is your relationship with your mom pretty good? I'm really sorry this situation is making your PTSD worse. I do think what the above poster said is good. Phrase it in that it is making your illness worse, not just that this man is the problem, even if he is. I know when I have to bring up stuff about my mom's difficult husband I have to word it tactfully. It sucks but it's definitely worth a try to get help.

I hope your mom understands you and you can feel some release from your isolation.

Edin · 13-07-2013, 04:14 AM

Thank you for your advice.
I have a good relationship with my mom, we love each other very much.
I will talk to her about this, I just need to work up the courage and find the right time since he's around all the time.
I'm just so tired of being terrified all the time. I hope things don't get worse from me speaking out, but then again I don't want to be too late if something happens.

Edin · 14-07-2013, 10:02 PM

I was able to talk to my mom about it just a few minutes ago. She said she was glad I said something. That was such a great relief that she was willing to listen to me about how I felt. While she said she can't do anything immediately, she'll think about what she can do. I'm so glad my mom is always there for me and I hope things start to change for the better.

Patent Pending · 14-07-2013, 10:42 PM

I'm glad you were able to talk to her and she listened to you.

I hope things get sorted out :)

x x x