Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - **DARK** trig SUI/ED also

[finding.my.wings]

getting there- with trusting counsellor. Today however, counsellor strongly suggested that my SI/ED/SUI attempts are all things i have used/created in order to not deal with of think about the abuse. i guess in part thats right but i would just rather leave the abuse alone (i dont remember it for a reason- why make myself remember when its gonna hurt more) then deal with it- ive made it half my life without the abuse affecting me in any great way, and im fine the way i am- yes i SI and i have a eatting issue but hey at least i dont drink and do drugs. he told me that we cant jsut 'fix' the physical symptoms and leave the underlying cause alone.... but im willing to try. its dark where i am but the ight is too scary- too much can hurt me agian and shatter the girl i created. i know its better to want the light to reach for it, to deal with stuff.... but in the dark its safe, comfortable and i can control things.

anyway sorry, not sure what the point of this was.

[ghosts in the machine]

*offers hugs*

I've been in that space, been in the dark and refused to leave it because it felt safer and more in control than heading into the unknown light. I can say that it will hurt, it will be confusing, and it will be scary. But getting help and getting better has honestly been the best thing I've done.

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Take care xx

[green.eyes]

i know this may not be what you want to hear but i agree
as long as the abuse is there, under the surface, in the dark it can eat away at you, pieces by piece and keep causing problems like the ones you've described. in the open it may well hurt more in the short term but in the long term you will be a healthier person emotionally for dealing with it

*hugs*