need help to get my life on track.

nas · 16-12-2020, 10:01 AM

Ive been feeling really depressed randomly this past 2 years but lots of **** hit me recently . Heres my story so far

Through my short life so far (Im 15 almost 16) I've had a tendency to do stupid things, idk why. but it always coms back to get me somehow. not getting into detail but it its me randomly doing embarrassing **** like an impulsive or whatever. And part of the reason i;m not popular and don't have friends. I use to have some weird friends that i liked but since high school they've changed a lot ; hangout with other ppl ditched me. so i went back to some other old friends in a group and we were good for 1 year basically but because i do stupid **** or whatever they bullied me for it a lot. So i decided i was finally done with them some weeks ago because i wasn't feeling good at all and told them that and they kept making fun of me and made fun of me everyday. Im constantly in fear their going to order pizzas to my house or get me suspended from school since i know they talk about doing that and done it to other people (Im not going to lie I've participated in it too). and they've done it to me before too. So now i don't have friends while I'm feeling like ****, constantly in fear or whatever. So i decided to delete all my social media accounts so i cant be contacted. That was my last friends so i don't have any more right now and i really don't know how to make friends, i tried it to be honest about a week ago and it went really shitty i was awkward. so i cant really made new friends either, if u have any tips to help me out of that i would appreciate it.

So i mentioned the stupid **** earlier. A lot of that made rumors about me around school and everyone believes them or makes fun of me about them, ppl are somewhat scared of me and I've been told ppl think I'm a school shooter or I'm gonna kill someone or I'm creepy or something like that. Ive been told also i stand up weirdly even though i try to stand up straight (Im pretty tall for my age idk if its that.)

Another thing is with girls. I dated 1 person but she moved away and apparently i was a different person after a while so we split up. since then i don't know how to talk to girls. I talked to a girl and tried to be nice and stuff but she wasn't interested in me. nobody is really interested in me and girls are scared of me, probably because I'm ugly with greasy hair and skin even though i shower everyday. And girls are all scared of me as well so that doesn't help. Also, most of the girls at my school are ho's if you know what that means and they like to catfish me and make fun of me and i've been catfished twice from people at my school, and once from a friend pretending to be a girl. i should know i can't get with any of them but in the moment i forgot that. So there's that as well, if u have any tips i would appreciate it.

Another thing is apparently i've been told i have trust issues or whatever, and thats from my old friends who i don't trust since they always make fun of me for having a bad computer and make fun of my parents and my appearance and stuff. i don't know how to develop better trust with people to be honest at this point.

My ideal world would be to move from where i live to somewhere else and reinvent myself. I Think i could pull it off but there's some things stopping me:

--I have a weird foreign name thats uncommon even in my home country

--I have a shitty appearance, i'm really skinny and greasy with acne and greasy hair though i shower everyday.

--I have a shitty voice if that makes sense. It's abnormally deep and i cant pronounce the letter S well. and i have trouble controlling the volume of my voice, and my voice is very monotone as well. I want to sound normal when i speak or walk or talk but i look handicapped, i don't have good motor abilities either (If you see my play basketball you will understand, i move really awkwardly and i've been playing it for 5 years)

--I don't have any talents

This sounds at the end more of a sob story or whatever, but all this i've realized is wrong with me at this point and it's made me really depressed to be honest.

TL;DR

I'm really awkward in appearance and behavior. I have no friends, not dating anyone, I don't know how to make friends or talk to girls. I do stupid things from an impulse and it's ruined my life and everyone treats me like a social reject. Anyone has tips?

Pi.R^2 · 23-12-2020, 01:45 PM

Hi there,

Sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time, it sounds like things are really tough. I've got a couple of suggestions, many of which I'm sure you've already thought of but just in case you haven't!

- Are you able to access a school counsellor? It might be helpful for you to have a space to talk about what's been going on and help you come up with some ways to help you feel a little better.
- Have you ever had any help with your speech? I'm guessing from things you've said that you're in the USA and I'm not familiar with how referrals would work there but it sounds like something that a speech and language therapist might be able to offer some help with to help you feel better about your voice.

Honestly getting off social media is such a good move! When you're a teenager your brain is still developing and one noticeable difference between an adult and a child is the bit that controls impulse. This means that teenagers are more likely to be impulsive and make other reckless
Also, I bet that you do have some talents! You just might not have discovered them yet or might not have noticed that you're particularly good at them!