Wedding dress stress *trig*
Long time no post.
in the last 18 months I've lost a lot of weight, in a healthy, steady way. So big thumbs up.
I've really struggled with my body image lately, my body shape is different, clothes fit me differently, things that never used to be an issue are now an issue. Belly rolls, wobbly bits, lumps and bumps. Anyway.
I bought my wedding dress about 4 months ago, in the biggest sie they did - which is the clothes size I am currently. YAY! But no. I tried it on again for the first time in about 3 months and it is miles away from fitting. It's easily 2/3 dresses too small. It appears that wedding dress sizes and clothes sizes are not at all comparable.
I got so upset last night, so so upset. I feel like the last 18 months has been an absolute waste of time and I might have well stayed disgustingly overweight because losing all that weight hasn't made a bit of difference. Losing weight in a healthy way hasn't made the blindest bit of difference and now it's like a switch has flipped in my brain.
I need to lose weight fast. Really fast. And lots of it.
I have been looking for websites, "how to lose weight quickly", instagram accounts, everything. My head is screaming at me.
"Stupid fat bitch, always fat"
"Everyone said you wouldn't do it, see. Told you so"
"Fatfatfatfaaaaaatdisgustingthing"
I have to lose this weight, and I've tried really hard to lose it sensibility, but what's the ****ing point.
I want to grab bits of myself and cut them off. Cut myself open and scoop out the fat and sew myself back up. The mess won't matter because at least I won't be fat.
I am so stressed out. I don't know why I thought getting a dress too small would be a good idea.
Always ****ing stupid.
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