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Old 03-02-2019, 04:10 PM   #241
one_step_closer
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I think if you started not eating again your body would be extra confused and would feel worse. I know it's hard but you are going in the right direction. I know that feeling of just wanting to sleep to get away from everything. Is there anything that keeps you occupied? How is your day going so far?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 03-02-2019, 04:19 PM   #242
Cacoethes
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That is true
Nothing really happens at the weekends
I'm hoping one of the doctors is in tomorrow because I would like some leave to go to the shop.
Who knows though.
The consultant was off sick last week.

I had a bad morning.
Refused my multi vitamins and refused food and drink.
I am feeling a bit better now though and have been talking to staff on my 1:1



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 03-02-2019, 04:22 PM   #243
one_step_closer
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I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, I know that when you feel really low etc it's easy to refuse things that might be helpful but please try in the future just to keep doing things so hopefully you can feel better. It's good that you're talking. Do you like word games? When I was on constant obs I sometimes played that game with the staff member where you write a long word or a short phrase and see how many other words you can make out of it. Then compare your lists. Maybe there is another game you could play if that doesn't appeal to you.

I hope you can see a doctor tomorrow and work out where to go from here.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 03-02-2019, 04:53 PM   #244
Cacoethes
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I will try
I really really want to get out of here

Word games are a good idea

Thanks x



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 03-02-2019, 05:36 PM   #245
Cacoethes
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Eaten my first proper meal.
I want to cry
It feels unbearable



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 03-02-2019, 06:03 PM   #246
one_step_closer
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You are the best. What unbearable feelings do you have?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 03-02-2019, 06:04 PM   #247
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Does it help to think about it as it relates to other parts of your body? It really helped me to understand that like any muscle when you start using it again (like in exercise), your digestive system works the same way (because it's all muscle too!). Things are sore and painful and clunky for a bit.

You did the right thing, and it sucks that doing the right thing can feel so awful, physically and mentally. I hope you are able to get through safely.



You can't always keep it separate.
This is happening, this is part of you.


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Old 03-02-2019, 06:24 PM   #248
Cacoethes
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Thanks Lindsay
I just feel like the contamination is building up again
I can feel it in my body

Thanks Camden
That does make sense

I can't stay in here for much longer
Its too hard
Ridiculous that when I'm feeling suicidal and actually need to be in hosptial they don't tend to listen but this time when i don't need or want to be here then they won't let me out and put me on 1:1 and all that crap



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 04-02-2019, 09:58 AM   #249
tiptoes
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Hang in there Beckie, it must be so difficult for you. You have made so much progress over the last couple of weeks.
Do you think you could speak to the staff?



In my dreams I slew the dragon


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Old 04-02-2019, 10:57 AM   #250
Cacoethes
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Thanks Sarah

I dont really know what to say to staff
There's not much they can do
I really want to go home
I don't need to be in hosptial

Just had my 3rd session of ECT
I think I have to have 6 in total



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 04-02-2019, 03:23 PM   #251
one_step_closer
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You are doing this, keep going. The more you move forward the quicker you will be able to get home. I know it's a hard fight especially when decisions about when you should go home etc are made by other people but you have been doing brilliantly with trying lots of things even when they scare you and I'd hope that the staff will be noticing your hard work. I hope the ECT is helpful. How are you finding it so far?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 04-02-2019, 03:48 PM   #252
Cacoethes
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Thanks Lindsay

The ECT is going ok and I do feel better for it

I've been eating pretty normally for a while and it feels wrong
Although I'm not sure why
I am tempted to stop eating again
But I do really want to get off 1:1 and go home



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 04-02-2019, 03:51 PM   #253
one_step_closer
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I don't think eating is wrong, but I can understand why you might feel like it is. Feelings don't always reflect what is actually true so please keep trying to eat and see if there are ways that you can cope with the confusing feelings and ease your distress. If you stop eating again you will then eventually just have to start eating again and then you'll have been through the whole process twice when you could have just gone through it once. I know you can get through this, focus on moving forward and getting home.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 04-02-2019, 05:29 PM   #254
Cacoethes
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You're absolutely right
I will try to continue to eat
Its hard as well though because i am being weighed every day
I wasn't doing this for weight loss purposes but seeing the number go up is still upsetting



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 04-02-2019, 05:38 PM   #255
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Remember that the weight will setttle aftera while. It's likely only for the first while your weight will increase. I understand being upset though. Could you ask them to weigh you in a way so you won't see the number????

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Old 04-02-2019, 05:48 PM   #256
Cacoethes
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I didn't think of that!
I won't look next time



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 07-02-2019, 09:37 PM   #257
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How is it going now Beckie?



Wannabe CPN : -)
"He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life." - Homer Simpson
"I hear those voices that will not be drowned"
Sanity is a nasty disease. The world would be a happier place without it. - Rilic
RIP Kat 4th July 1987- 11th June 2013


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Old 08-02-2019, 10:11 AM   #258
Cacoethes
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A bit better thanks
I have some escorted leave now
I'm off 1:1
If all goes well, I'll be able to come off my section next week
They want me to have 2 more sessions of ECT



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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Old 08-02-2019, 11:54 AM   #259
tiptoes
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I'm so pleased that things are starting to improve.
I bet you are happy to be off 1-2-1 and to have some leave even escorted!

How are you feeling about everything now?



In my dreams I slew the dragon


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Old 08-02-2019, 02:07 PM   #260
Cacoethes
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Thank you!
I also have leave to go out with my friend tomorrow so we will do something fun!

My head is kind of in a confusing space.
I don't think I believe I'm contaminated but the belief was so strong and certain, it feels weird that I don't have that anymore.
If that makes any sense at all



I'm fine! Totally fine. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky, 'cause really, I'm fine!


Who else is fine?!?!?


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