Confidentiality, Anonymity and RYLing

bitomato · 25-06-2017, 09:10 PM

I am posting this here, because the only similar topics I found on RYL were 5-10 years old.
I recently got "spammed" in RYL and it really shook me, because I sometimes come online looking for support, and feel like my guard is down in terms of trusting people.
While I feel disappointed seeing less than 10 members online at a time with 100s of people noted as guests- I suppose, it is important so people to be able to access some of the information regardless of where they are on their recovery journey.
I never felt it glorified self- harm; I just didn't know anyone else who was struggling i.e. like me. I feel sorry that others don't understand how isolating it can be to when you are unwell.
Much of my life, working from a place of anonymity makes me feel safer, and I have been forced into that place due to bullying, or conflicts between my real world persona.
However, I am slowly learning to accept the limitations of RYL (actually reviewed my original sign up......it was in the former version of RYL and I was in a different place in my life at the time).

I really want to help people. I do feel that my posts do not go down well on RYL- that I never fully understand the culture of chat- that I don't know how to find help for myself at the moment.....but I am still here.

Forever grateful to the platform. RYLing......

FabulousMike · 25-06-2017, 09:26 PM

As someone who was very active on here many, many moons ago, then left and recently come back it very sad to see how quiet it is around here.

Luckily I'm not after support but I could imagine it wouldn't feel great posting for support and there only being like 3-4 people on at a time.

Anyways, chin up!

P.S. I'm not bashing the site or the members! RYL and the members will always have a soft spot in my heart.

FabulousMike · 25-06-2017, 09:28 PM

Also chat! Try chat. Used to be good!

not_so_insig · 26-06-2017, 03:17 PM

As someone who is a long term member I agree that it's sad that it's quiet when compared to years ago. I think it's a problem of most forums these days as I belong to several other forums and they are quiet. Youngsters these days tend to post on social media - if you don't have at least a Facebook account you miss out a lot.

I think that we do need more group activities - the ezine died a death.

I do think that ryl has a place. I am lucky that I am much more stable than 10 years ago but like most people I have my wobbles and occasionally I do need support. I am grateful for the members here.

[Luna] · 26-06-2017, 05:57 PM

The ezine died because we tried to get people involved and there was little to no response. It's all very well saying there needs to be more group activities but if no one takes part its pretty futile.

I've noticed the boards are very quiet. It's sad and I miss it when it was more active. Sad times :(

not_so_insig · 27-06-2017, 01:33 AM

Thanks for explaining that Luna. I guess that you cannot force people.

Leo Pard · 27-06-2017, 10:59 PM

I used to be a very active member but as I've grown up and started work, I've stopped coming here so much.
A lot of that is to do with the whole 'getting better' thing and recovering, if not just finding better ways to deal with things.

I don't talk to some people I knew through here for one reason or another and the rest have tended to migrate to other platforms at relatively the same time.

It doesn't help that RYL is, on the whole, a lot less active than it was, say, five years ago. Saying that, it's less active than it was even 2 years ago so that's a huge factor.

I dunno, just my musings.

millwall · 28-06-2017, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by not_so_insig

As someone who is a long term member I agree that it's sad that it's quiet when compared to years ago.

Place has no focus anymore - its vestigial. It doesn't help that the place is poorly managed. Hardly any members are here but many people get points and banishing for trifles. People get flagged for things they did weeks ago. If something isn't important enough to correct when it happens it shouldn't be "addressed" three weeks latter - with silly punishments added. There's an OCD quality about it all. Things like that didn't happen in the better years. It seems like some people want to kill the place off on purpose. Not that it would take much.

bitomato · 29-06-2017, 04:00 AM

I am always aware that this is a voluntary job for the mods- so obviously it is a less than ideal timeline that they are working with to respond to issues. I assume also that their censorship is from policy and experience. This isn't about mod bashing. It is just something I am struggling with at the moment, because I write a lot more in one side of my mood swings- and ruminate at the other end when I don't get responses.

I was wondering how feasible it would be to have accounts verified by email to minimize the amount of trolling and spamming that is possible. I guess it would be too much work for the mods.

This site is amazing by the way. Yes it would be nice to have a busier forum board- but maybe this is just how it has to be right now. It has its own culture which is probably why people migrate away and back. I always feel sad when people are no longer active and you really don't have a way of knowing if they are ok.

millwall · 29-06-2017, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bitomato

I am always aware that this is a voluntary job for the mods- so obviously it is a less than ideal timeline that they are working with to respond to issues. I assume also that their censorship is from policy and experience.

That's fine. With a tiny active membership there doesn't need to be a lot of constant monitoring. In fact, there is no need to be running around pointing people with that weird point list from when RYL was huge and often unmanageable. Someone new to working site might think they have to follow that stuff but with 10 active, longer term posters there is no need to be point people over trifles. Its like being on a sinking ship with small crew and the captain is putting crew in the brig because they failed bed inspection. It really is that strange.

Besides, if a person makes some exotic error that goes uncorrected - and they make similar errors after that - is it fair to come around weeks latter with a mess of infractions and a ban until the next full moon? It makes no sense. That's not to blame everyone since people are not being guided by seasoned experience. If you need posters, and you have few, there is no need to be smothering them with layers of trifling infractions. That's an observation and not a slander of anyone in particular. Just a little common sense would be ok.

bitomato · 10-07-2017, 01:50 PM

I think the challenge I have when unwell is that I become more verbose in my online presence. Something that should take 2 lines take 57. And it is often unclear to others what my point is.....

Is the poetry I share on RYL mine- or not because I use a pseudonym?

Are the thoughts I spell out here something I can erase.....?

I keep thinking will I matter if people don't know me by my "real" identity online?

Pi.R^2 · 27-07-2017, 11:54 AM

I'm not 100% sure what all you are asking, so please do reiterate if I've missed any of your queries.

With regard to the spamming, did you post report the spamming that occurred? If not, then that would explain why it took more time than you would have liked for it to be removed. There are systems in place to try to ensure that spambots can't join, but these days they have ways to get past those filters. A lot of spam threads are also autofiltered so that they never even get as far as regular members seeing them- if I click on general chat, on the first page alone I've just counted 17 spam threads that have been removed. 6 were autofiltered by the system so they were never even posted, and 11 of which were removed relatively quickly by a moderator.

I'm not sure what you mean about glorifying self harm?

RYL is very quiet these days, and that in itself doesn't worry me, because I think to some extend that the site can be unhelpful at times and it is a sign that lots of people have moved on in a positive way. What does worry me is that I'm sure there are still just as many people in the world struggling as there has always been, and if they're not coming here, are they seeking support from better or worse places? For example, tumblr can be a brutal place!

With regard to the last post, you asked:

Is the poetry I share on RYL mine- or not because I use a pseudonym?
Legally I have no idea. If you wrote it yourself I presume you should own it but in the absence of you properly copywriting it, I imagine you would be vulnerable to having that material stolen and republished, should someone be inclined to do so.

Are the thoughts I spell out here something I can erase.....?
Yep, you can delete your posts. From what I remember I've seen you delete a thread before but if you need any help deleting specific posts or something, do let me know!

I keep thinking will I matter if people don't know me by my "real" identity online?
Everyone on RYL matters. Personally, I prefer to know who I'm talking to and have become 'real life friends' with lots of RYL members (and I've dated two of them!) and I'd be slightly more inclined to reply to a thread where I knew the member well because I'd feel more equipped to give meaningful advice. However, I understand that there are lots of members who prefer to remain much more anonymous than I do and those people do still get lots of replies and people do care about them. One of the great things about RYL is that sometimes you can get to a know a person really quite well and not even know what their real name is or what they look like!

I hope that answers your questions a bit?

bitomato · 10-08-2017, 07:04 AM

Re: glorifying self- harm; this was the response I got when I shared that I used RYL for support. Basically, it was assumed that this encouraged SH. While I did report the "spam" the person is still a member so I guess it wasn't considered rule- breaking I just felt unsafe.

The culture/ attitude to SH is different depending on where you live. I know that from a recent IP it (the attitude re: risk) forced me to re-evaluate who I know from RYL and who knows me. Mainly because I know some people utilize RYL while on IP and as all my belongings were take away from me, I could not contact anyone for the duration of my stay. I believe I relapsed partially because of how badly the admission was handled (making me unwilling to present to the ER again) but also, I accepted that I was and am coping with a lot.

The transition to using my "real" name in chat will possibly be a slow one, but at the same time- I believe that it is a needed movement from anonymous to community.

Pi.R^2 · 10-08-2017, 09:04 PM

Who was this you shared it with? I think it sometimes is a concern when someone hears about RYL, that it might be a site that encourages self-harming behaviours. If you explain that it's not, perhaps this person will be more understanding of the reasons that you use RYL and the support that you receive here.

I'm not sure exactly what the nature of this spam was, but it's probably best not to get into the particulars publicly. The action taken would vary depending on the nature of the rule-breaking, and you would not be informed of it, though if you were to report something on the forums and no action was taken, you would tend to receive a PM explaining this. If it was a forum issue, please can you PM me details, as there's no record of you reporting anything.

That sounds difficult that you weren't allowed your possessions, I guess protocol varies depending on the situation and the hospital.

Are you happy that your questions have been answered, or do you have any other concerns?