Triggering (Suicide) - &hes all i ever wanted

[samanthaax]

I lost the one thing that i love to death,,
i kept pushing him , and pushing him , threatening to hurt myself , if he left , he left , my world ended , he found someone new , someone , who he says , is nice , not like me , and not crazy. all i want now is to be his friend.. , but thats not happening because he is making sure i have nothing to do with him.. some days im ok , then i think , what did i do wrong , ( but i know what i did wrong ) and that hurts more , and it hurts cause i LOVE him soo much , and i wish i could have showed him that , instead of taking two bottles of prozac just to show him i will hurt myself..and i will always torment you.. since u left me , ill make ur life a living hell..
am i really that cold?.. reading this over to myself , i sound crazy..
id like to share a peice of writing i wrote.

"You dont need him , ". I sure hear that alot , & everytime i hear it .. it cuts deeper, 'cause i know i need him! .My whole life up until now,. i wanted someone to love me , i found that someone he was amazing "I love you " " no , i love you more! "i had a smile ear to ear thinking to myself "how can this get any better" i didnt want to loose him , he was my everything..now im his nothing. All i ever wanted was him to never leave me.. i kept pushing him away.. and he left. did i see it coming ? of course . i didnt know how to keep him, now hes got everything hes ever wanted. Where does that leave me , alone, scared,miserable , and wanting him . I love him , i hate him!!.. i need him..., i just wish i could turn back time and show him i can be who he wants me to be .. i can be better .. i promise.

*hugs* it's really hard when a relationship ends. it sounds though like maybe you need some time to work out your problems before starting another one. becoming too dependent on someone is bad for not only them but you as well. but you are definitely not alone. do you have any counseling/professional support? perhaps its best if you don't talk to your ex for a while. it sounds like it was a relationship that was not healthy for you and perhaps you need a new start. you will find someone else, but you need to make sure you understand what causes you to push them away and how you can stop that from happening next time.

[montaner]

I can really relate,
whenever someone tries to give me advice on the subject i get really defensive so im kinda stuck on what to say to you.
but just letting you know, i know how you feel :(
*hugs*
x