Together or apart?

Pegward · 19-09-2009, 07:57 PM

Basically, I just want to know what people think about staying together for the sake of the kids.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 2 years and we have a 15 month old, but I don't know whether or not I want to be with him. I don't trust him at all and, as horrible as this sounds, I feel like I'm only with him because I have no other choice. Obviously, we could break up, but I'm terrified of being a single parent. I'm afraid of how I'd cope alone and right now I have so much else to deal with that I just don't think I could cope with a split on top of everything else.

I feel like I've turned into this nasty person since I've met him. I dunno. I know there's fault on both our parts. He lies to me about 'small' things. I over-react. I don't want my child to be brought up with separated parents, but I also want to be happy. I know I should work on the relationship, I'm just don't know if it's worth it.

Sorry, rambled.

Heidi Tiger · 19-09-2009, 08:31 PM

My point of view is don't try and stay together for the kids. About 5 years of my parents marriage was trying to stay together because they were Catholics and it was hell. obviously hiding things from a toddler is going to be easier, but I still feel that kids pick up on these things and the truth will out eventually.

What is it about separated parents that concerns you so much? I think you have the right to be happy and I also think that happy parents are much more likely to have happy children, even if their family situation might not be your "normal" one (though with 1/3 of marriages ending in divorce it's hardly like separation is abnormal nowadays)

charcoal feathers · 20-09-2009, 01:06 PM

I don't agree with staying together for the kids. It's no good on you, or your child. It's always worrying and upsetting thinking oh my child isn't going to have that family unit etc. But, at the end of the day, it's better to be separate and happy, then together and not be. Though, you may do your best to hide your relationship problems from your child, they still pick up on these things.
I do think, it would be a good idea to sit down and have a good chat about your feelings and things with your partner.
Being a single parent is hard work, but then being a parent in general is. I've been a single parent pretty much since my daughter was born, she's now 2. You'll cope fine if it comes to that.

I.Heart.And · 20-09-2009, 07:14 PM

No, I don't think you should just stay together for the sake of a child as the child will be able to sense that you aren't really happy together. I think you should only stay together if you are happy with eachother regardless of whether there is a child or not.

HopeRises · 20-09-2009, 08:52 PM

I don't think you should 'stay together for the kids'. Like others have said, a child can pick up on it, especially as they get older and a split would probably be harder for them the older they get too.

x-mixedemotions · 20-09-2009, 10:26 PM

I don't think people should stay together for their child/children.
Look at this way, your son is going to be loved by BOTH his parents even if they aren't together.
I think you and Mike need to sit down and talk things through. Things are going to be hard right now, your going through alot with your sister/family and the loss you have both suffered. All issues are going to be putting a strain on your relationship. Things might get better when things are a little calmer, but only you can decide that and only you can decide if you want to be with him or not.
It'll be ok, whatever happens. xxx

Merc · 24-09-2009, 09:35 PM

like ween said...there once was 'something' there...is it worth trying couples counselling? If it doesnt work, at least you tried right?
And if it cant be 'saved', then i believe all would be happier, and in a healthier place, if you maybe split for awhile or for good...whatever feels right to you.