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Old 31-07-2017, 11:05 PM   #1
HildaOgden
 
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Don't know what to do

I'm getting messages from Command telling me not to have my depot injection on WEdnesday.
I don't know what to do because Mum gets upset if I don't have my medication.
I went 3 weeks between depots last time instead of 2 because of Command saying that the depot is contaminated.
I reconciled myself to having the depot after 3 wks as Mum was so adament I needed it as was my GP.
I'm sure I'm dying. I'm in pain in my body quite a lot. It's the contamination of the medication.

I need the communication from Command as they tell me what to do. They warn me when the threat from the G's is bad.

Tonight it's particularly bad.

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Old 01-08-2017, 04:14 PM   #2
one_step_closer
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That sounds really distressing. What do Command tell you to do that you would be unable to figure out for yourself? How do you feel generally when you have your depot? I think you should be honest with your treatment team about what you're thinking. Maybe they could reassure you about the depot or try something else.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.

Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.

You didn't come this far just to come this far.


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Old 01-08-2017, 11:23 PM   #3
HildaOgden
 
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Command tell me when the threat from the G's goes up and tells me when I'm in danger.
It's hard having the depot.
the treatment team know i find it hard but not seeing psych until Sept so not sure what options are

today has been hard too. I want to tell my Mum but I don't want to worry her.

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Old 02-08-2017, 04:31 PM   #4
Juella
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I'm sorry it's hard for you to deal with the depot.
Do you think you can ask your treatment team to clarify what options you have at the moment, treatment-wise?

I'm sorry it's been a hard day. I understand not wanting to tell your mom, but I think she will be more worried if she'll find out you haven't been taking your meds. So if you think talking to her might be helpful, I would suggest doing so.

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Old 03-08-2017, 04:00 AM   #5
HildaOgden
 
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I had the depot :(
it's killing me but everyone wanted me to have it and I couldn't stand up for myself
I'm getting a new cpn but not for two weeks
I'm seeing my gp this morning
I told my Mum things aren't right and she has come to stay with me tonight
I'm worried about the vortex opening up in different places
the evilness of the G's
I see the devil looking back. It's not good. It's really not good.

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Old 03-08-2017, 08:56 AM   #6
Juella
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I know it probably isn't what you want to hear, but it is a good thing, it's good for you, you'll see. I understand you're upset, but it's going to be okay.
How are you feeling about getting a new CPN?
It's good that your mom came to stay with you, hope it will be helpful.
Can you try to watch your favourite movie or TV show, to help you with your worries? Or just close your eyes and imagine a beautiful relaxing image, like the woods, or ocean or anything you like?
You are going to be okay. No one is going to hurt you or do evil things to you. You're safe, promise.
Are you going to tell your GP about the thing you're seeing lately, like vortex and devil looking back. I understand it's upsetting you and I'm sorry. I think it's best to tell your doctor as soon as possible. Hope you'll feel better soon!

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Old 04-08-2017, 12:01 AM   #7
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I'm pleased I'm getting a new CPN as my Social Worker was objectionable and unpleasant to deal with. I'm nervous about the new CPN but hopefully she will be ok and non judgmental.
It helped having Mum to stay and now we've come to her flat and I'm staying with her for the next few nights as it makes me feel safer to be with her.
I saw my GP but I was quite agitated and had trouble talking. He's given me a script for some diazepam to see me through the weekend.
I am worried about a particular vortex that has opened up not far away from where I live. I have to avoid the area at all costs.
I think I will hide away at Mum's and avoid looking in mirrors

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Old 04-08-2017, 09:16 AM   #8
Juella
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So, it's a good thing you're getting a new CPN. Great to know that. I'm sure the new one will be better.
It's also great to know you're feeling safe with mom.
Are you planning to talk to your new CPN about the things that are bothering you?
Spending time at mom's probably would be great, even though I wouldn't call it "hiding away", you're just spending time in an environment that makes you the most comfortable. As for the mirrors, I promise you looking into one isn't dangerous. Can you maybe check it for a moment with your mom, just try and look in a mirror for a moment together and see if it's okay to do?

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Old 04-08-2017, 11:23 PM   #9
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I will try and talk to the new CPN about the things which are bothering me and that are happening
I couldn't bring myself to look in any mirrors today but I might try tomorrow
I'm feeling a bit calmer but tomorrow will be quite stressful as I'm going to hospital with my best friend as she has her last chemo.
I dont really feel up to it but I don't want to let her down.

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Old 05-08-2017, 08:15 AM   #10
Juella
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I think your new CPN might be able to help, so it's definitely good that you consider talking.
It's okay if you don't feel like dealing with mirrors at the moment. If you're really worried, take your time until you feel brave enough. Just don't cross out the possibility of trying.
I understand that your friend is going through some really difficult things and is in need of support, but are you totally sure you can handle that hospital visit? That is indeed pretty stressful.
If you really feel you'll struggle with it, it's okay to let her know you can accompany her. You need to take care of yourself, and it really wouldn't be helpful to her either if you go with her and have a breakdown, so if you really struggle with going, it's okay not to.

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Old 05-08-2017, 11:40 PM   #11
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Thanks Juella,
today was ok in the end. My friend, A, who has cancer was on good form despite having to have chemo. There were 2 other of our friends there as well as we took A out to lunch afterwards to celebrate that it was her last chemo session.
I did find it a bit stressful but I'm glad I went and I was able to relax when I got back to my Mum's.
I think it is doing me good being at my Mum's for a few days.
Mum is looking after me and doing the cooking etc..
But I will have to go home soon. I don't want to stay too long with Mum because it'll be harder to go home if I stay a long while.
Think I might go home on Monday or Tuesday.

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Old 06-08-2017, 12:01 AM   #12
Juella
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You're more than welcome!
It seems like you've managed great today, and did an amazing job supporting your friend, even though you're obviously struggling. Well done!
Good to know your mom is looking after you, I think it will be really helpful.
How do you feel about having to go home soon? Why do you think it would be harder to come back if you stay with mom for a longer time?


Last edited by Juella : 06-08-2017 at 12:02 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 07-08-2017, 12:33 AM   #13
HildaOgden
 
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thanks :)
I'm worried about Mum's safety. Command have said she is in danger from the G's because of me.
I need to go home because I'm putting her in danger.
Command says if I hurt myself (which is what the G's want) then Mum might be protected
It's all too much
I think I should go home tomorrow

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Old 07-08-2017, 08:07 PM   #14
Juella
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Lets analyze this claim. Did any of the warnings Command gave been justified? Has anyone ever got in danger or had any harm done to them after the warnings? Are you sure these warnings are true and they aren't just trying to scare you for no reason?
Have you ever tried not doing what G's want? Did anyone get hurt? Is there any proof you need to follow their orders to protect people.
I understand you're feeling overwhelmed. How about taking a break and trying to distract yourself from all these pressuring thoughts?
How about staying with mom for another day and see if it is going to be safe and okay? You always can leave later if things get scary at any point.

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Old 07-08-2017, 11:09 PM   #15
HildaOgden
 
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I'm trying to challenge it.
I've come home and I think that's for the best. I've spoken to Mum tonight and she is ok. Which is good.
It's just that what Command says is so convincing and intense. Mum has never been in danger before.
I'm hoping that now I am home things will lessen in intensity.
I've been distracting this evening and I feel calm enough to go to bed.
thanks JUella you've been really helpful

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Old 07-08-2017, 11:49 PM   #16
Juella
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Great job for trying to challenge it! It's an amazing thing to do, I understand it's difficult, but also very important.
If you think that staying home is for the best, than that's fine too.
Your mum is going to be okay, don't worry. It's all going to be fine.
It seems like you're feeling better, and I hope it lasts.
Try to get some sleep. Hope you'll get a good night. Thinking of you.

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