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Old 25-01-2020, 01:32 PM   #61
one_step_closer
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You can be honest here, if it helps. I hear how much you are struggling and reaching out to anyone who who could be of some help but still feeling so terrible. If it isn't going away for now, are there better ways you can manage how you're feeling?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-01-2020, 04:55 PM   #62
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Thank you, I appreciate that. I eventually went and saw the crisis team as my risks are high just now and I'm struggling to stay safe. Feel guilty about it, afraid of being judged though he said he's not judging me. I just feel I should be able to be stronger and feel like they should give up on me and it would be better if I wasn't here. I'm struggling with not being dead but my partner is here soon so I know I will be safe tonight at least.

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Old 25-01-2020, 06:27 PM   #63
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I'm really glad you went to see the crisis team, you do deserve any support that can be offered. You are strong but there is only so much intensity that you can deal with alone. Did crisis offer you anything? Do you talk to your partner about how you're feeling?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 25-01-2020, 06:54 PM   #64
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Thank you. I'm seeing them tomorrow. I feel really weird about it, like I don't really have mental health issues and that I don't deserve their time. I guess these are some kinds of cognitive distortion or thoughts that need checking out. I feel confused and like death would be best but I am trying to take things hour by hour.

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Old 25-01-2020, 07:13 PM   #65
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We all have mental health and it sounds like you're having a really difficult time with yours right now so that is an issue that needs support etc. If they didn't think you needed their time I don't think they would offer it. And you wouldn't say someone else who was going through the same as you didn't deserve their time would you? I understand that it can be hard to be kind and understanding with yourself. Please keep focusing on getting through each moment. You can do this. Things are not always this awful.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 26-01-2020, 08:00 PM   #66
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Posted a reply but it felt too raw/exposing.

Thank you. I wouldn't say it to anyone else, no. I'm not sure why it feels different for me but it might just be the place my head's at. You're right that things aren't always this bad. I think I'm just very tired. Things are a bit better today than yesterday. Scared for the upcoming few days. I hadn't really seen getting beyond Tuesday but I don't have a plan, more just a sense that that's when my life stops. Maybe it's okay to not have to see beyond then at the moment.

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Old 26-01-2020, 08:08 PM   #67
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Will you let someone know about your feelings surrounding Tuesday?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 26-01-2020, 08:53 PM   #68
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I will, I feel at this point the danger is less than it's been over the last couple of days but I will mention it.

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Old 27-01-2020, 01:08 PM   #69
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I'm glad you will mention it, I think it's important. How are you today?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 27-01-2020, 02:08 PM   #70
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Thank you. I'm feeling better as the days go on. I have no idea why. It might be a 'parts' influence that cause these quick shifts or maybe not.

Seeing my psychologist was really helpful. I can't remember why. But I was very scared she was going to be angry with me for not coping better but she wasn't. She just helped me to try and explore things.

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Old 27-01-2020, 02:11 PM   #71
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I'm glad things are feeling a bit better and I really hope it continues in this way. I'm pleased your psychologist was helpful and not judgemental, it's good that you have that support. What are you doing with the rest of your day?





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 27-01-2020, 05:43 PM   #72
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Thank you. I'm a bit scared. I vaguely remember a discussion with my therapist about hurting people and I think I said I would think about whether I've hurt anyone and she reminded me not to dig but what if I've hurt someone and I don't know about it? It's scary.

Sorry, tonight I'm not really sure what I'm doing but might have a relaxing shower.

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Old 27-01-2020, 05:59 PM   #73
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That does sound scary but I'm sure your therapist will have offered the right advice. I hope you can have a shower or do something else to relax.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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Old 27-01-2020, 07:03 PM   #74
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Thank you, she will have done but unfortunately I can't remember what she said and I'm just worried that my reflection has come out of the mirror and hurt someone, or even that I have when I'm asleep or just that I haven't remembered.

Thank you, I will try.

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Old 27-01-2020, 07:46 PM   #75
one_step_closer
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The advice you've remembered her saying of not to dig is probably sensible but I know it can be hard not to get caught up in worries. I don't think it's possible for a reflection to come out of a mirror and hurt someone, I'm sorry that it feels like a scary possibility to you. I don't think you will have hurt anyone at all, it's very unlikely. Please try not to get tangled up too much, you are a good person.





I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.


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