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Old 10-02-2020, 02:39 PM   #1741
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Thinking of you for today. How did it go?







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Old 11-02-2020, 12:05 AM   #1742
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Thank you. I pretty much ditched my psychologist. I can't do it.

Still stuck on Level 3s.

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Old 11-02-2020, 10:11 AM   #1743
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Why have you ditched your psychologist? Do they know how you're feeling?







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Old 11-02-2020, 02:03 PM   #1744
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No they don't know. I'm just refusing to talk to her it's the best way

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Old 11-02-2020, 09:35 PM   #1745
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What makes you feel as though that's the best way?



Well find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 12-02-2020, 02:09 PM   #1746
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Because then they won't know the truth so they will let me go hopefully

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Old 12-02-2020, 07:25 PM   #1747
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And what is the truth?



Well find a way to fight it, we always have.
It's not how tragically we suffer but how miraculously we live.


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Old 12-02-2020, 10:18 PM   #1748
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How will this time be any different from the past times you’ve tried this approach? How did they work out?





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Old 12-02-2020, 10:20 PM   #1749
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That I'm very suicidal.

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Old 13-02-2020, 12:01 AM   #1750
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How did it work out previously when you tried this approach? How did it end up?





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Old 13-02-2020, 08:21 AM   #1751
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I don't know. Just feel like we're going round in circles.

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Old 13-02-2020, 09:12 PM   #1752
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I wrote a long letter to my psychologist. I'm scared.

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Old 16-02-2020, 10:38 PM   #1753
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I think perhaps you're right that you're going round in circles, in that you make progress and then disengage from all the help, get worse and then you accept help etc. Maybe it's time to break the cycle and not disengage when it gets hard. Of course, that's way easier said than done!

I'm glad you wrote a letter to the psychologist. Have you given it to her?



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Old 17-02-2020, 12:43 AM   #1754
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pi.R^2 View Post
I think perhaps you're right that you're going round in circles, in that you make progress and then disengage from all the help, get worse and then you accept help etc. Maybe it's time to break the cycle and not disengage when it gets hard. Of course, that's way easier said than done!

I'm glad you wrote a letter to the psychologist. Have you given it to her?

^^^^ this is kind of what I was trying to say. Definitely worth some thought Miss Grainger because right now you do seem very stuck in a cycle
Of going nowhere and when progress is made you seem to retreat and reject the support and then go back to the beginning. Which is understandable but maybe worth exploring with psychologist. Psychology does not mean committing to to life, I know that may be too scary a concept....but its committing to try and stick with it. At any point you could end your life (controversial maybe) but you have nothing to lose by engaging in the support offered.





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Old 17-02-2020, 02:44 PM   #1755
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Thank you both. I know you're both right. It's because things get hard or scary so I just stop. My psychologist has seen my letter and said we're going to talk about it tomorrow. I managed to get off of level 3s today. And I have 2 hours accompanied leave so me and my support worker are going to Costa! So I'm really pleased.

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Old 17-02-2020, 11:09 PM   #1756
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Hard or scary are understandable feelings to want to avoid, unfortunately, ultimately if things are going to change then those are feelings you will have to endure. Perhaps psychologist can work with you on distress tolerance skills to manage when things feel so scary? I’m really impressed (in a non patronising way) that you able to reflect so clearly though. The letters are a fab start, hopefully you also shared about it being a response to when things are too hard or overwhelming so you can work together to make it more manageable. You deserve more than the life you are currently living. Hope you enjoy time off the ward on your leave x





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Old 17-02-2020, 11:17 PM   #1757
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Thanks for your kind post. Yes I have explained everything in writing. I've written her another letter tonight as well as ironic as it may sound which says how worried i am about our relationship and sessions ending because I think a lot of her despite me struggling to actually do sessions. I know it sounds so silly but I kind of feel like what is the point in starting something where I know I'll get more attached to her list for it to all end any way

Feeling anxious about psychology tomorrow

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Old 17-02-2020, 11:57 PM   #1758
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I think those feelings are all very relatable and understandable. After all...will she be there when you’re discharged, type thing? I’m not sure what the answer is but I would imagine it will be a long process of healing and learning and when you do get discharged I would think they’d refer you for longer term therapy. But for now this is a means to an end and a way for you to get support and learn things to help you move forward.

I also think being anxious about sessions is understandable and relatable but we’re here if you want or need to ‘sound’ that out x





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Old 17-02-2020, 11:58 PM   #1759
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And in no way does it sound ‘silly’!! X





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Old 18-02-2020, 10:36 AM   #1760
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Thank you. Feeling very nervous this morning. Only have 25 minutes til were meant to start. She wouldn't be there once discharged as she only can do inpatient. My mum asked her if I could see her privately but she said she'd lose her job.

I'm so anxious.

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